


The Trajectory of a Heart

by sabell



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Sexual Assault, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, General teen horniness, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Tsukishima Kei, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, POV Third Person Limited, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Yamaguchi Tadashi, Sharing a Bed, Underage Drinking, it doesnt get too far or too explicit but it is there, pov switching, they are both so dramatic, tsukkiyama - Freeform, you’ve been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:13:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 47,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27512869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabell/pseuds/sabell
Summary: "Kei has known Tadashi for eight years, a little under half his lifetime. It’s gotten to the point now where he can hardly remember his existence before the freckled boy. School, family, friends, volleyball, and every moment in between - Tadashi has been there. Kei can, however, pinpoint the exact moment when the presence of those freckles and that boy took on new meaning in his life, and honestly he’s been struggling ever since."When Kei falls in love, it's all at once. For Tadashi, it's been years. They're idiots, there are obstacles, and they're pretty bad at all of this, but with the subtle and not-so-subtle help from friends they just might have a chance.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 92
Kudos: 325





	1. Realization

**Author's Note:**

> I set out several months ago thinking i'd knock out a short tsukkiyama fic just to get this pairing out of my system but was so inspired by Look Into Your Eyes by withnorthernlights that I actually decided to finish this bad boy so here's what we're left with. This is my first fic in probably 10 years, so please be kind. Comments and kudos are always much appreciated. Thanks for reading!!! (*´_ゝ｀)

Kei has known Tadashi for eight years, a little under half his lifetime. It’s gotten to the point now where he can hardly remember his existence before the freckled boy. School, family, friends, volleyball, and every moment in between - Tadashi has been there. Kei can, however, pinpoint the exact moment when the presence of those freckles and that boy took on new meaning in his life, and honestly he’s been struggling ever since. 

It had been early May. The weather had just started to warm up and, in celebration, Tadashi had insisted that after school they bundle a few blankets and pillows together and clamber out Kei’s bedroom window to sit on the roof and bask in the sun like they used to as kids. It had still been too cold for Kei, who’s always been prone to the cold, and he’d ended up with the majority of the blankets wrapped around him, skeptically watching Tadashi strip out of his uniform pants with a cheeky expression, splaying his long, willowy legs out in the sun to more fully absorb what little light they could get before the chilled night winds began their circuit around the small rural town. “You’re going to get a cold” Kei had said, half caring, and in return Tadashi had tipped his head back to smile at Kei the same way he always did, yet that time something had been different. 

It had been like a light switching, a key turning, a series of tumblers in a once thought to be uncrackable lock clicking into place to allow the safe’s door to swing wide open. The slowly sinking sun had haloed Tadashi’s unruly hair, causing the chestnut locks to shine in a way that made them look laced with emeralds, his skin golden and tan and almost glowing despite the recent wintery weather, his dark eyes luminous, white teeth bared in a grin, freckles a mesmerizing constellation that threatened to pull Kei into a hypnosis he’d known instinctively he’d never escape. The boy in front of him, the one who had been there all his life, who he had frankly taken for granted at times, had suddenly, effortlessly, held a presence comparable to the sum of the whole of the ocean and the night sky. And maybe that was something Kei had always been vaguely aware of - the sheer power Tadashi housed in that unsure body of his and in that overly self critical brain he hid behind his eyes. Now, though, he’d peeked through the veil and found himself floating, sinking, with no option but to surrender to the tide of a truth too profound for him to hold. It had felt like being in the close proximity of a god - a god with thin, sinewy legs clothed in nothing but a pair of light boxers that climbed further and further up his thighs with every shift against the roof tiles. Kei had wondered almost frantically if this was how Patroclus had felt around Achilles, and that thought alone had made Kei’s mouth feel like it had been stuffed full with cotton. Just as the waves of his revelation threatened to sink him once and for all Tadashi had turned away, releasing him with a jolt that had sent Kei tumbling backwards through the window and onto the blessedly carpeted floor of his bedroom below. 

Tadashi, of course, had made a big fuss - calling him _Tsukki_ in that shrill voice he reserves only for emergencies, forgetting his pants entirely as he practically climbed into Kei’s lap, searching him for injuries. Kei had said a silent prayer in thanks for the blanket that had stayed wrapped around his waist before pushing Tadashi off, ordering him back into his clothes and sending him on his way, citing fatigue as his reason for falling and for wanting to be alone. Tadashi had gone relatively quietly, though not without first placing a warm hand on Kei’s burning cheek to turn his face in a final search for any cuts or bruising. Kei had gritted his teeth and beared it, though as soon as he’d heard the front door close behind his childhood friend he’d found himself panting into his pillow and biting back a cry as he came too quickly into his fist, unable to slow himself down enough to keep from dirtying the school shirt he’d been wearing. 

The shame that had flooded him in the aftermath had been… indescribable. 

That was two and a half months ago. It’s mid-July now and the Karasuno volleyball team’s summer practices are in full swing. Tadashi is still sweet and soft and tanned and freckled, and Kei is still an utter wreck. Some things have changed, though. For one, Tadashi grew out his already too-long hair over the summer, and it’s just long enough now that he can pull it into a small ponytail at the back of his head, the shorter pieces at his nape inevitably loosening to curl around his neck, a few strands around his forehead and temples refusing to stay in place and opting instead to frame his delicate features, highlighting his high cheekbones and whispering against the smooth angle of his jaw. Sometimes Tadashi tucks these pieces behind his ear when he’s concentrating, a small motion that always makes Kei feel like he’s swallowed his tongue. He tries not to feel it though, tries to shove that reaction down as far as he can in the hopes that someday it will disappear altogether. In the meantime, he’d briefly hoped his friend would reserve this new style for practice only, but he hasn’t and people have begun to notice. _Girls_ have begun to notice. 

Tadashi received his first confession in June from a girl on the tennis team whose summer practices were held on the outdoor courts connected to the gym. Kei had seen it happen, had been coming around the corner to find the shorter boy when he’d spotted them from a distance, the girl leaning in, face tilted up as Tadashi leaned away, one hand scratching at the back of his neck, the other holding a small box, his face red as a tomato. 

“Yamaguchi!” Kei had yelled, unable to stop himself despite the heavy guilt that weighed in his stomach as soon as the word was out of his mouth. “We’re starting warm ups! Let’s go!” 

Tadashi had jumped nearly a foot in the air, eyes wide enough that Kei could see the whites of them from across the yard, before bowing to the girl and shakingly pushing the box back into her hands, mouth moving frantically in what Kei could only assume were a thousand apologies before taking off in the direction of the taller boy. He tripped over his own feet twice as he jogged away from the scene of his own first failed teenage romance, mumbling “Sorry, Tsukki” as he approached, face still red and hands still trembling, a crooked smile playing across his lips as he refused to meet his friend’s eyes. 

“You okay?” Kei had asked gruffly, unable to bring himself to apologize for ruining the moment despite his total awareness of how sorry he _should_ be. 

“Yeah, you saved me,” Tadashi had said, biting his lip and looking unsure. “Let’s go practice.” The contradiction in the answer and its delivery had made something cold and ugly unfurl in Kei’s stomach, a creature he didn’t recognize stretching and shaking itself out, sinking its claws into his lungs in a way that made his instinctive inhale sting sharply, but he’d simply nodded and followed the shorter boy into the gym. 

That’s when it had started - the _touching_. Kei had done it sort of by accident the first time. He’d felt restless on their walk home, the thing inside him that had come to life in the wake of Tadashi’s encounter with the tennis girl having grown heavy in his chest, making him jumpy and irritable. He’d been distracted all through practice, and Tadashi had noticed. 

“Tsukki, you feeling okay?” he’d asked, prompting Kei to reflexively reach a hand over to cuff him on the back of the head. When it connected, though, Tadashi’s hair had been so soft that he’d simply ended up with his palm gently pressed against the shorter boy’s nape. Tadashi had stopped dead, eyes wide, that blush that was honestly way too easy to coax out of the other boy back on his cheeks, making his freckles stand out starkly. Kei stopped too, the thing inside him coming back to life, purring in his chest as he reached a finger up to tug at the band holding together Tadashi’s mussed ponytail, pulling it free and enjoying the way the smaller boy’s hair floated around his face before settling just below his jaw. He held the band out silently, forcing himself to smile in a way that he hoped would read as playful. Tadashi took it, looking dubious, but followed without hesitation when Kei continued walking. The rest of the way home had been silent, and in that silence Kei made a decision. Maybe a touch or two wasn’t too bad, so long as it was harmless. Maybe a touch or two could even make their current bond stronger - Hinata and Kageyama touched all the time, after all. However, a line had to be drawn somewhere, and Kei drew it like a deep wound through his own burgeoning feelings. He would never, _never_ jeopardize their friendship in order to serve his own selfish interests. He wouldn’t do that to Tadashi, wouldn’t put him in the position of being burdened by… whatever this was. Instead, he’d work to be a better friend, someone who deserved to stand by Tadashi’s side, and if in doing so he sometimes placated this new creature in his chest, then so be it. But that could only be temporary, eventually these feelings would have to go. 

* * *

“Good morning, Tsukki!” 

Kei nods, pulling his headphones off of his ears to rest them around his neck, idly turning the sound on his phone all the way down so that he’ll be able to focus on the shorter boy’s ramblings as they make their way to school. It’s a ritual that they’ve engaged in almost every morning since the time they were in primary school, yet somehow it still always makes Tadashi look incredibly pleased. Yet another thing Kei has always sort of known yet hadn’t really paid attention to before. He’s paying attention now, though, his plans for being a better friend to the boy by his side still in full effect. He’s even started experimenting with taking his headphones completely off and stowing them away in his bag, the deliberateness of the act utterly embarrassing, making him feel like he’s practically shouting _hey! Tadashi! I’ve recently realized you’re like, the center of my whole McFucking universe! As a friend though, of course, because I’m not a fucking creep! Just thought I’d let you know!_ yet the light blush it produces high on Tadashi’s cheeks usually makes the humiliation worth it. Today, though, he isn’t feeling quite so brave. 

“Did you sleep well?” 

Kei nods again as they begin their walk, trying not to be irked by the way Tadashi always seems to stay a step behind him. Again, something he’d always known was happening but hadn’t really registered until recently. Or maybe he had registered it, and just hadn’t cared. He can’t remember, and that in and of itself is frustrating. He’s finding it harder and harder to relate to his former self - what had life been like without this constant awareness of Tadashi? Who was that person who had preferred to walk just a little bit ahead? 

Tadashi is talking about some cheesy movie he watched on TV last night with his sister, his hands moving animatedly in Kei’s peripherals as he yammers on, losing himself in his description of the film’s use of unnecessary slow motion. Kei keeps nodding, turning to look at the shorter boy from the corner of his eye, enjoying the way Tadashi’s face lights up when he gets into a particularly in-depth description of one of the more noteworthy scenes. Kei smiles to himself and looks ahead again, only to turn back when Tadashi’s voice stops abruptly. He’s itching the bridge of his nose and looking down, his face sporting a faint flush. 

“You feeling okay?” Kei asks, hoping his friend isn’t getting sick. They have plans to hang out and binge watch nature documentaries this weekend. Truthfully, it’s pretty much the same thing they do every weekend, but it's still the only thing that gets Kei through the swelteringly hot day-long volleyball practices that he half regrets having let consume all of his time this summer. Not that he’d really want to be doing anything else, seeing as Tadashi’s on the team too, but still. Waking up practically as early as he’ll have to when school starts back up again in a little over a month and spending all day sweating his ass off around loud idiots like Hinata and Kageyama isn’t exactly his ideal summer vacation. 

“Yes, Tsukki! Sorry, Tsukki! Just got lost in thought!” Tadashi replies immediately, hands waving wildly in front of his chest as he grins embarrassedly. Kei rolls his eyes and reaches over, yanking the smaller boy away from the curb that he’d been about to step off of by the collar of his t-shirt. 

“Eyes on the road, Yamaguchi,” he says, his fingers lingering longer on the back of Tadashi’s neck than he means to. He’s wearing one of the shirts he’s reserved for practice, and after a solid year of Karasuno-style volleyball the neckline has become obscenely stretched out from the number of times it's been tugged up to wipe away sweat and subsequently washed furiously by Tadashi’s mother. It gapes widely at the top, so much so that Kei can almost see the sharp lines of Tadashi’s collarbones, and, from the right angle, could probably look down his chest if he wanted to. Not that he wants to, but, well… not that he will. He flexes his fingers secretly when he brings his hand back to his side, indulging momentarily in the small guilty pleasure of their skin to skin contact before his brain kicks in and chastises him. 

“Sorry Tsukki!” Tadashi squeaks in his usual manner, which makes Kei roll his eyes as they continue on. 

They arrive at the gym ten minutes later, just in time to see Hinata beat Kageyama by a few inches in their daily race to practice. The two of them are wheezing, doubled over, yet still somehow still managing to bicker about whether or not Hinata cheated. 

“You -” the taller of the two tries to yell, although he’s too out of breath to really accomplish it, “you _asshole_ , why’d you try to trip me?!” 

“I didn’t, stupid Bakayama! You tripped on your own! I won!” 

“Absolutely not, i want a rematch _right now_ you little jack-” 

“Yamaguchi!” 

Hinata seems to recover faster, his energy palpable as he bounds over to bounce around in front of Kei and Tadashi, his smile as blinding as ever.  
  
“Hi Hinata,” Tadashi replies brightly, moving to stand in front of Kei in a way that the blonde recognizes. _Don’t worry, Tsukki, I’ll protect you._ Kei huffs a sigh but can’t help but be grateful. Yet another thing he’s taken for granted for too long. Yet another way Yamaguchi Tadashi has always taken care of him. Yet another thing to add to his list of shortcomings. Has he ever reciprocated? He doesn’t let the melodrama of his guilty conscious show on his face though, opting instead to give Hinata his best sneer as he moves past the two of them, briefly meeting Tadashi’s eye as he goes. _See you inside._ He trips an oblivious Kageyama from behind as he passes him, just for fun, and basks in the short burst of laughter he hears come from his childhood friend, stifled immediately as Kageyama starts in on Hinata again. 

After a few minutes of warm ups Ennoshita calls a meeting. He looks dire as the group huddles up, deep bags under his eyes like he hadn’t slept the night before, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as if trying to massage the stress from his face. Kei wonders briefly what kind of bad news the new captain must have in store for them. Apparently the rest of the team does too, because a hush falls over the group much faster than it usually does, the new first years who’d been recruited straight out of middle school and started practicing with them at the beginning of the summer looking around anxiously. What were their names again? Sato, Hashimoto, and something else… Kenji, maybe? Kei shrugs to himself, refocusing on their captain. 

“So…” Ennoshita starts with a sigh. 

“What happened, Ennoshita?! Did Bakayama get us kicked out of the league?!” Hinata interrupts, and honestly Kei’s surprised he’s held it in for this long. 

“Why me, idiot?!” Kageyama yells over him, his feral snarl causing all of the first years to flinch. Kei snickers and Tadashi elbows him in the ribs, but when he looks down the smaller boy is holding back a smile himself. 

“No, calm down you two, it's nothing like that. Last night Tanaka was kind enough to remind me of a… um, bet that we made at the end of last year, and as a - uh, a man who honors my word -” Ennoshita looks like he’s going to pass out. 

“Ennoshita didn’t think he’d be picked for captain this year! I made him bet that when he did he’d let us do a _two_ night team bonding sleepover at _his_ house instead of one!” Tanaka crows proudly, throwing up a peace sign as he grins at the group. Yachi, Nishinoya and Hinata react immediately, throwing themselves at the team’s ace, while the rest of the group have a more mixed reaction. Kinoshita and Narita have already put their heads together with the captain, no doubt helping him plan how to survive this. Tadashi is nodding along with Hinata, who has begun excitedly jumping around him. His voice is buoyant and happy as he agrees to whatever it is Hinata is loudly whispering. He thinks he hears the words ‘prank’ and ‘Scaredyama’. Kageyama looks contemplative, clearly wondering if they’ll still be playing volleyball during the day. The first years at least look excited, if a little nervous. The one that he thinks might be named Kenji is eyeing Hinata and Tadashi keenly, as though wishing to join in on their antics. 

“Sorry about this,” Ennoshita throws out generally, although the comment goes unheard by practically everyone but Kei, and he wonders briefly if that was on purpose. The captain clears his throat after a minute, regaining everyone’s attention before going on. “It’ll be this weekend if that works for everyone, which it should since none of you seem to have lives outside of this club.”  
  
“Oi!” Nishinoya and Tanaka protest in unison. 

“Hanging out with former club members every day doesn’t count. As I was saying, it’ll be this weekend at my house, Friday and Saturday night. My parents already have a vacation planned, so they’ll be out of town with my little sister. Despite that, I’m not giving you guys full access to my house, so we’ll be a little cramped as it is. Bring a futon if you can, we’ll need six at least and people are just going to have to deal with doubling up or sleeping on the floor. Yachi will be taking my room, the rest of us will be in the living and dining rooms. My parent’s room is _off limits._ Bring any movies you want to watch and enough snacks to share. We’ll be ordering pizza with some of the club funds but we have a limited amount that we can spend so if you’re on some kind of weird all-milk diet,” he looks pointedly at Kageyama who looks away, “or think you’re going to have some kind of pizza eating contest,” he looks at Hinata and Nishinoya who high five, “think again. I’m not funding that, so bring your own.”

Nishinoya, Hinata, and Tanaka start to cheer as Ennoshita waves them off, “it’s only Wednesday now, though, so go practice. We’ve wasted enough time.” 

With that, the group breaks up and begins their usual routines, Kei and Tadashi walking together to the far side of the gym to practice their serves and receives. 

“This weekend is gonna suck,” Kei says half heartedly, knowing that the shorter boy is probably looking forward to it. 

“Should be interesting,” Tadashi says, smiling knowingly up at him which makes Kei huff. “If we end up having to share futons though, you have to promise to share with me. Last time you took the floor and I ended up sleeping with Hinata and I’m pretty sure he punched me in the stomach during the night. I couldn’t stand straight for a week.” 

Kei tries to look neutral as he nods his head, turning away from his friend to stand on the opposite side of the net. He watches as Tadashi begins preparing himself for a serve, thinking idly about the weekend. He had been looking forward to their previous plans, and these team bonding activities have never been his favorite, but… maybe he can look forward to this too, so long as he remembers how to behave. 

* * *

That Friday, Kei and Tadashi both elect to leave their sleepover bags at Kei’s house because it’s on the way to Ennoshita’s from school, so while the rest of the team trudges off after practice with large packs on their back, the two of them take a small detour to pick up their things and walk the rest of the way to their destination in peace. 

“Are you excited for tonight?” Tadashi’s smiling mischievously, clearly aware of how Kei will answer. 

“Absolutely not,” Kei replies with an exaggerated grimace that he knows will make his friend laugh, and it works. Tadashi’s laugh has always been one of his favorite sounds - it’s high and bright and imperfect, the soundtrack to all of Kei’s favorite memories. 

“Did you bring anything to share with everyone? Snacks or a movie?”

Kei shakes his head. He had thought very briefly about bringing a movie in an attempt to ensure that at least two hours of this ordeal wouldn’t be unbearable for him, but had decided against it when he’d realized he only really owns documentaries. “Just some strawberry pocky, but that’s just for us.” 

His answer makes Tadashi grin, which makes him smile in return. He quickly schools his features, though, trying to be inconspicuous as he watches Tadashi pull out the ponytail that has come loose on their walk, long fingers raking through his scalp, his hair still a bit damp from the shower he’d taken after practice. Kei should look away but he can’t, taking too much pleasure in the way Tadashi’s eyes close a little with each brush through the dark locks. 

“Watch out,” Kei says, pulling Tadashi’s sleeve to keep him from veering off the sidewalk. 

“Ah, sorry Tsukki,” Tadashi replies, letting his hands drop and leaving his hair to settle itself around his neck. It looks so soft and glossy in the cool night air, lit from above by the yellow street lamps in a way that makes the color look deeper and darker than it actually is. Kei can’t help himself, he reaches up to tuck an errant piece behind Tadashi’s ear, causing the shorter boy to start. Tadashi looks up at him, a nervous half-smile playing on his lips. 

“Tsukki?” 

“Your hairs gotten long,” is all Kei says in reply, keeping a straight face. “Hey, I think we’re here.” 

They let themselves into Ennoshita’s family home to find the team already there and nearly all set up. Ennoshita nods at them from across the room but doesn’t bother to greet them, too busy blocking Hinata from Kageyama who is on a tirade about smashed milk cartons. Yachi meets them at the door instead, excitedly consulting Tadashi before pointing them to the far corner of the living room where a space roughly big enough for two bodies has been left open. Kei and Tadashi get to work setting it up, releasing the tightly rolled futon from Kei’s bag, Tadashi pulling out a few blankets and pillows from his own and arranging them comfortably on the temporary bed. As soon as they’re done Kei sits cross legged with his back to the wall, claiming the side of their shared sleep space that is furthest from the rest of the group. Tadashi smiles and flops down next to him, rummaging around in his backpack to pull out a bag of chips. He offers them wordlessly to Kei who takes a handful without looking up from his phone. He and Tadashi haven’t shared a bed since they were kids, and there’s something about seeing his childhood friend sprawled out in front of him, a sliver of tan skin peeking out from where his shirt has ridden up, that feels more sinful than any of the touches have so far. He doesn’t let himself look. 

“Everyone remember the rules?” Ennoshita asks loudly, cutting through the din that has overtaken the room. 

“Yes, captain,” the room replies in unison. 

“Great, we’ll watch a movie in an hour or two so make a decision before then. Pizza will be here soon. Dismissed.” 

With that, the room explodes back into noise. Kei starts to reach for his headphones when Hinata yells “Yamaguchi! C’mon! We’re gonna debate which movie to watch like lawyers! You and Yachi need to be the judge! Make sure I win!” He’s waving excitedly over at them with Kageyama looking murderous next to him, a dvd clutched tightly in one of his fists. 

Tadashi looks back at Kei, his smile hopeful but not expectant. Kei rolls his eyes and stands, unable to say no to the shorter boy when he makes that kind of face, a fact that he thinks Tadashi might be aware of. The brunette’s answering smile could light up a room, and Kei has to try hard not to return it as they approach the other second years, the fluttering in his stomach almost distracting enough to keep him from balking when he sees the corny volleyball movie Kageyama has picked out. 

An hour later Kei finds himself in a strange circle made up of Tadashi, Yachi, and that first year whose name Kei thinks might be Kenji. Hinata and Kageyama both lost to Tanaka and Nishinoya after the rest of the group joined in on their debate, the two of them having run off to further argue their cases in private after Ennoshita yelled at them to shut the hell up about _volleyball cinematography_. The pizza has come and gone, leaving the room a little more subdued. Kei watches Tadashi as he chats between Yachi and the first year, a curl of apprehension sitting low in his stomach for no real reason that he can pinpoint. 

“C’mon everyone, movie time!” Nishinoya yells, waving his winning dvd in the air. The group flocks to the TV in the living room, Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita all taking the couch, leaving the rest of them to fight for room on the floor. 

“C’mon, Yamaguchi! Let’s go find a seat!” Yachi says excitedly, taking the boy’s hand and hauling him to his feet with unexpected strength. Tadashi stumbles a little on the way up, the look of surprise clear on his face as he laughs hesitantly but follows the bubbly blonde nonetheless. 

“Yamaguchi-senpai, Yacchan, let’s sit together,” Kenji calls after them, his tone low and strangely sweet in a way that makes Kei tense. He’s left behind on the floor as the three of them rush towards the couch to join the others. Without Tadashi there to motivate him, it takes Kei a minute to gather the strength to stand and join the rest of the team, and once he does he finds himself forced to sit on the opposite side of the room next to Hinata who immediately starts whining in his ear about Kageyama. 

“-and then he said he doesn’t even _like_ Airbud Spikes Back, can you believe that?!” 

“Hinata, you need to spend less time using what few brain cells you have left on Kageyama,” he says absentmindedly, his focus on the trio across from them. Tadashi is sitting on his knees, his body language slightly stiff as he laughs at something Yachi says. He looks like he’s having a good time, despite that. Next to him, Kenji is leaning in to point at Yachi, his head practically on Tadashi’s shoulder as he delivers his line. Kei hasn’t really paid any attention to the first years beyond noting on their first day that none of them were particularly tall. Now, though, he’s looking closely. Kenji is about Tadashi’s height, if a little shorter, his hair a shiny black color and cut to be longer on top than it is on the sides, parted in the center in a way that Kei thinks girls might find attractive. He’s athletic looking, with a stockier build than Tadashi, and has dark brown eyes framed by heavy brows and a wide smile that seems to show off every one of his white teeth. As far as a future volleyball player goes, he seems alright. As far as a future friend of Tadashi’s though, Kei isn’t too sure. There’s something about the way he’s already made himself so comfortable with the two older students that puts Kei on edge. His breath catches for a second as the first year reaches an arm around Tadashi, then exhales when he realizes he’s aiming for Yachi. Is that it, then? A crush on the team manager, and Tadashi caught in the middle? Kei leans back on his hands, turning to look at Hinata who is still talking about volleyball playing dogs. He can’t quite parse out what about the interaction happening across the room bothers him so much. They’re just being friendly, the way you’re supposed to be at these sorts of things, the way he knows Tadashi _likes_ to be, although Kei can’t help but think of the brunette’s ability to put up with just about anything in the name of friendship as damn near a character flaw. Still, long gone are the days of hateful bullies and insensitive comments regarding his freckles, Kei knows that. Tadashi hasn’t needed his protection from that kind of thing in years. And even if the first year was someone like that, there’s no way he’d act on it in this setting, and almost no way Tadashi wouldn’t be able to just handle it himself. Kei sighs, feeling restless. 

“That’s exactly how I felt!” Hinata yells, seemingly reacting to Kei’s exasperated expression. Kei scowls, not sure if it’s worth making it clear that he was _not_ listening or if he should just play along and risk being perceived as someone who actually cares about what the little orange haired weirdo has to say. He sighs again. 

“Listen, Hinata, if you want to get taller faster than Kageyama then you need to start doing yoga.” 

“Yoga?” Hinata doesn’t even blink at the change in subject. 

“Yeah. I’m taller than everyone in my family, aren’t I? How do you think I did that?” 

“With yoga?” 

“Yeah, it’s all about being mindful and _quiet_ and sitting _still_ and doing stretches and stuff. It’s guaranteed to work. You should look into it. I think it’ll definitely… help.” He hears Ennoshita on the couch above them snort, but doesn’t let his straight face slip. 

“Wow! Thanks, Saltyshima! I mean, Tsukishima! You’re a pretty good guy when you want to be!” He throws an arm violently around Kei’s neck, a reaction Kei hadn’t been expecting, causing them both to tip forward before the taller boy can find his balance. Hinata is shrieking with laughter when Kageyama shows up holding two boxes of milk.

“Move over, idiots,” he growls, roughly seating himself between them before thrusting one of the boxes at the smaller boy. Kei has to scramble to get out of the way, almost ending up with a lapful of the angsty setter. 

“Okay, everyone! Shut the hell up and get ready to piss your pants in terror!” Nishinoya announces. Someone near the door hits the lights and the movie starts, finally giving Kei an excuse to disengage from the room around him. 

Halfway through the movie Hinata climbs across Kageyama’s lap and nearly into Kei’s, insisting that the two of them need to hold his hands if they want him to get through this movie without screaming. Like usual, he’s too loud, and the rest of the room yells at all three of them until Kei and Kageyama have each angrily taken up one of Hinata’s hands. Kei squeezes until he thinks he feels something pop, but Hinata just tries to turn it into a competition and soon he’s having to convince both of the other second years that they should all just stop squeezing or else someone’s going to end up unable to serve tomorrow. Kei is exhausted, his social battery having run out hours ago, and for the first time since the movie started he lets his eyes wander across the room towards his childhood friend. His heart stutters when he sees that Tadashi is peeking back at him, a quizzical look on his face. He stares pointedly at Kei and Hinata’s joined hands, smiling questioningly when he raises his eyes to once again meet the taller boy’s gaze. Kei shrugs helplessly, trying to convey his own confusion at the situation. First year him would never have allowed himself to be manhandled by the likes of Hinata, yet after a year on the team even he can tell he’s gone soft. He hopes Tadashi doesn’t think he’s utterly uncool now. The shorter boy gives him an expression that makes Kei remember that Tadashi can read him like a book and he lets out a breath of relief. _Don’t worry, Tsukki,_ he seems to say. _Once this is over we can go to our corner and do our own thing. Stay strong._

The movie ends on an ambiguous note and the room erupts into heated debates as soon as the lights are turned back on. 

“Okay, everyone, lights out in an hour,” Ennoshita commands, cutting through the noise. “Try to start winding down, please. We all have to get up early tomorrow for practice, don’t forget.” 

People start to move away from the couch chaotically, but Kei keeps his eyes on Tadashi. 

“The main actor was so cute!” Yachi is saying, her hands clasped in front of her as she mocks falling into his arms the way the heroine had in one scene. 

“He was really stupid though, I mean c’mon, what was with him panicking like that in the cave?” Kenji snickers. 

“You’d be scared too, Kenji-kun! Don’t judge!” 

“It was a fun movie,” Tadashi says diplomatically, inching towards their corner as he does. 

“I’m gonna go get ready in my room, but I’ll be back in a bit!” Yachi says brightly, “then we can keep arguing!” 

Kei takes that as his signal to step between Tadashi and his new first year shadow, placing a light but urgent hand on his friend’s upper back to steer him away from the crowd. A necessary touch, he tells himself. 

“Okay, Yacchan!” Tadashi throws over his shoulder as he follows Kei to where they’d previously made up their bed, the two of them immediately sitting down and stretching their cramped legs. “You okay?” Tadashi asks, giving him a small, sympathetic smile when Kei grimaces. 

“Pretty sure that idiot Hinata broke my left hand but yeah. Tired though. I can’t believe these jackals want to do this all over again tomorrow.” 

Tadashi laughs as he gathers his things. “I’m going to go try to sneak into one of the bathrooms, we can get ready for bed and just hang out afterwards though. I’m not too interested in staying up for any of the late night activities.” 

Kei nods and watches him walk off before rummaging around in his own bag to produce his pajamas and toothbrush. He checks the room once to make sure Yachi is gone then undresses quickly, throwing on the oversized t-shirt and old basketball shorts before heading to the kitchen to wash his face and brush his teeth. Once done, he gets into bed with his headphones and turns to the side so that he’s facing the wall. At some point Ennoshita turns off the lights and Kei starts to nod off before realizing that Tadashi still hasn’t come back from the bathroom. He throws a glance around the room, looking for that signature piece of hair that always stands taller than the rest on top of his friend’s head. Several others have also gotten into their beds and are playing on their phones or talking quietly while a few have gathered around the couch to watch Kinoshita play on his DS. Kenji the first year is among them. Tadashi isn’t. Five minutes pass, then ten, then fifteen. At twenty three minutes Tadashi finally emerges from the hallway with Yachi, the two of them nearly joined at the hip and whispering conspiratorially before Yachi turns sharply and makes her way back to her room. Noone else seems to notice as Tadashi picks his way between the bodies littering the floor to his spot next to Kei. Even in the dark, Kei can see the flush that has creeped its way across Tadashi’s features. 

“You okay?” 

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry Tsukki, Yacchan was just lecturing me,” Tadashi huffs a laugh. 

“Lecturing you?” Kei repeats sharply.

“Oh, no! Not lecturing I guess. We were just having fun. Sorry Tsukki!” He sounds unsure of himself, but Kei lets it go, relaxing on his back and snapping his headphones back into place over his ears without restarting the music. He listens to Tadashi’s breathing as he shifts around on his pillow, getting comfortable. 

“Tsukki?” Tadashi whispers, voice almost too quiet to hear through his headphones so he slides them off again, setting them to the side. 

“Hm?” 

“Oh, sorry! Goodnight, Tsukki!” 

Kei turns his head to look questioningly at the other boy, but Tadashi has already turned on his side to face away from him. He lets out a slow breath before following suit. 

* * *

Kei blinks awake in the dim light of the early morning, the steady sound of slow breathing and occasional snoring enough to tell him that he’s the only one who’s woken up so far. That’s the first observation. The second is that he’s incredibly, satisfyingly, amazingly warm right now. He never wakes up this warm, never this relaxed, this _comfortable_ , his head foggy as he tries to reason out why sleeping on the floor in a relatively cold house with nothing but a thin blanket could create such a perfect sleeping situation. The third and final observation comes when he does finally realize why he’s so warm - he isn’t under his own blanket anymore, he’s under Tadashi’s, and Tadashi is practically sleeping _on top of him_ . They’d fallen asleep on their sides facing away from each other, yet somehow now he finds himself flat on his back with the warm body of his best friend wrapped up in his arms. He tries to steady his breathing as he takes inventory of the situation. Tadashi’s right arm is slung across his torso, his chest pressed into Kei’s side, his head tucked into Kei’s neck, his breath ghosting across the collar of Kei’s t-shirt. Kei’s hand is wound around his waist, his fingers knotted into the part of the blanket that covers Tadashi’s hip. Kei blinks again, focusing below the blanket on the parts he can’t see. Tadashi’s right leg is tangled between his own, his knee digging slightly into the side of Kei’s left leg, but that isn’t what bothers him. What does is the fact that Kei has his right leg _slotted between Tadashi’s_ , his thigh pressing at the juncture between the smaller boy’s legs, and he can feel… Kei gulps for air, feeling panic and shame rising like bile in his chest. He takes another deliberate breath, trying to steady himself. _At least it’s not the other way around_ , he thinks desperately. _It’s biological. It has nothing to do with me. I’ll just roll away without waking him up, he’s a heavy sleeper, it’ll be fine._ He steels himself, quashing a pang of regret that threatens to blossom in his stomach as he begins to shift, attempting to roll Tadashi over while also wiggling himself out of his grasp. He gets about two solid movements out before Tadashi’s clinging arm _tightens_ , his hips pressing down _harder_ , and there certainly is something hard happening down - _NO!_ Kei tells himself, alarms going off in his head. He refuses to let that thought go on any longer. _No! Just move away and be done with it!_ He shifts again, only just starting to make some progress when Tadashi _moans_. 

Kei’s heart has literally never gone this fast before. He thinks he might die. He’s also never been this hard before. That alone might kill him. 

“Tsu-kki?” Tadashi’s voice is slurred as he lifts his head, eyelids heavy and hardly open, a string of spit connecting his mouth to Kei’s neck stretching between them as he looks up at the blonde boy with a half-asleep questioning gaze. The possibility of Tadashi coming into full consciousness now and seeing the state that Kei is in hits him like a car, but he knows Tadashi has a habit of sleep talking and hopes to God that this is one of those times. 

“Go back to sleep, Tadashi,” Kei says quietly, reaching his left hand up to shift the brunette back onto his shoulder, his shaking fingers carding through the boy’s messy bedhead, rubbing light circles into the nape of his neck. “Go back to sleep.” _This is necessary,_ he tells himself furiously. 

“Okay,” Tadashi says muzzily, seemingly unfazed by the situation or by the way Kei’s heart is hammering against his ribs. Can’t he hear that? When his breathing evens back out Kei lets out the breath he’d been holding and finds himself too quickly succumbing to his exhaustion. Fear and arousal swirl in his stomach and he doesn’t expect to ever get back to sleep yet somehow he does, his body involuntarily easing into unconsciousness under the warm weight of Tadashi, his heart slowing to match the rhythm set by the smaller boy’s, his breathing deepening until all traces of panic have been exhaled out into the cool air of the room. His final thought is that of contemplating putting more effort into escaping his friend’s arms to avoid an awkward morning, but he’s out before he can act on it. 

* * *

When Kei wakes up the second time, he’s alone in bed and being shaken roughly by Hinata. 

“Let’s go, Saltyshima! Get up already! We’re gonna go play three on three with the first years before practice!”

“Wha-?” He shoves Hinata off roughly, but the smaller boy just giggles and pounces on his chest, bringing a knee down hard into Kei’s stomach. 

“say uncle!” 

“Hinata-boke! Let’s go! We’re racing!” Kageyama shouts from somewhere out in the hallways. The little orange haired menace springs up without a second glance at Kei who is now wheezing and rolling on the floor and zooms out of the room. 

“You okay?” Tadashi says when he spots him, “you and Hinata have gotten a lot closer, huh?” 

“Shut. Up.” Kei croaks. Surprisingly, Tadashi doesn’t apologize or laugh or tease him any further, instead offering him a hand up before making his way to the hall with his already packed gym bag. 

“You can leave the futon, since we're coming back,” he says over his shoulder, his voice oddly dispassionate, face a careful blank slate. “I’ll see you out there, Yacchan’s waiting. We’ll wait to walk together.” He won’t meet Kei’s eye and scurries out the front door before Kei can catch his breath enough to get a word in edgewise. The room is almost empty which means Kei’s the last to wake up, and in an effort to catch Tadashi he stands and quickly changes, grabbing his toothbrush to wash up in the sink again before heading out the door. 

Outside he finds the same strange trio that had formed the night before: Yachi and the first year with Tadashi between them, the former two seemingly fighting for the latter’s attention. Kinoshita and Ennoshita are also there, waiting for Kei to leave so that they can lock up. 

“Sorry,” Kei says, hurrying out the door and feeling totally off kilter. 

“No problem, everyone left early to get away from Hinata and Kageyama, I’m jealous that you were able to sleep through all of that,” Ennoshita replies. Kei nods mutely then starts making his way towards Tadashi, trying to gauge his mood. How had they woken up? In what position? Had anyone noticed? Had Tadashi? 

“Ready, Tsukishima-san?” Yachi asks brightly, giving him a wide smile. 

“Yeah,” he says, a little taken aback. Now that he thinks about it, he’s not sure he and Yachi have ever really interacted outside of the gym before. He looks down, not knowing what to say, and notices that she has two fingers pinched into the sleeve of Tadashi’s sweatshirt. The brunette is still not meeting his gaze, but Kei can see a light pink flush blooming high on his freckled cheeks. _What the fuck?_

“Thanks for joining us, Tsukishima-senpai,” Kenji says smoothly, the sarcasm implied but not outwardly expressed, probably for Yachi’s benefit. He turns and starts to walk towards the school. “Shall we?” 

They follow, walking in relative silence, Kinoshita and Ennoshita already a block ahead of them. Kei focuses on their backs, trying to ignore the way the trio pulls ahead, leaving him to trail behind. Tadashi looks back at him a few times, but Kei can’t read his expression. Shy, maybe. Embarrassed, even. But overall, he mostly looks blank. Maybe even a little sad. It makes something in Kei’s chest squeeze, but he puts it out of his mind once they get to the gym. If there’s one thing he’s learned in the last year, it's that volleyball can be a hell of a distraction. 

* * *

By the time they’re all back at Ennoshita’s, Kei is more exhausted than he’s ever even thought possible. He’d thrown himself into the practice games they’d played for the last half of the day, playing almost as aggressively as he does in real games. Several of the upperclassmen took his perceived newfound enthusiasm as the green light to slap his bare back as hard as they could while he was changing in the locker room, the whole ordeal earning him a few intimidated glances from the first years, including a side eye from Tadashi’s new little lackey.

Hinata had been particularly excited by Kei’s sudden investment in their games and had spent the majority of the day yelling his name and hanging off his shoulders, winning him more than one withering glare from Kageyama. Honestly, he doesn’t understand those two. Worst of all, though, was the way Tadashi hadn’t reacted at all. It wasn’t that he was avoiding Kei exactly, but when compared to their usual dynamic it sure felt like avoidance. He’d hardly smiled at Kei’s, hadn’t really congratulated or encouraged him, hadn’t shouted his name the way he usually did when he blocked a particularly hard serve, hadn’t even gotten between him and Hinata to save Kei from the little orange haired monster like he usually would. He hadn’t done any of it, and it’s not that Kei needs to be coddled or that he thinks he’s entitled to that kind of special treatment, but the absence of all of it at once has him nearly in withdrawal. Tadashi has always been his person to go to when he needs to recharge, even his former self knew that, and to be without that buffer _now_ is almost comically hard. 

He lays on their futon with an arm tossed over his eyes, his headphones on, trying not to think about the fact that he saw Tadashi sneak out the front door with Yachi not too long ago. They’re friends, he knows that they’re friends, they’ve been friends for a while, and he’s never put any effort into making himself likeable to Tadashi’s friends and it’s not like Tadashi is supposed to forsake those relationships just to make him comfortable, of course not, so of course they’re hanging out without him. Tadashi’s under no obligation to always make space for Kei, so when he goes to hang out with a friend like Yachi of course Kei can’t always be there. Still though, his stomach feels queasy and he vaguely wonders if he’s going to get sick. _I’m a bad friend,_ he thinks, before rolling up to a sitting position. If Tadashi needs more space, fine. He can do that for him, and he can’t wallow so openly - it’s not fair. He stands and takes his headphones off, assessing the different groups that have formed casually around the room, eventually gravitating to the only other person he’s confident won’t mind his presence - Hinata. 

“Hey,” he says, sitting next to the smaller boy on Hinata and Kageyama’s shared bed, immediately feeling like he’s miscalculated his distance and is sitting too close. He tries to scoot back but Hinata throws an arm around his neck for what feels like the millionth time that weekend, pulling him close. 

“Saltyshima! Back from the dead! I thought you’d legit fallen asleep over there. What’s up?! You were so cool today at practice! I had no idea you could jump that high!” Hinata’s voice is loud and grating and he immediately wishes he’d made a wiser choice. 

“Thanks, idiot,” he mumbles, wriggling out from under the smaller boy’s grasp. “It’s just practice though.” 

“Always so salty,” Hinata laughs before settling down and pulling out his phone. 

“Where’s Kageyama?” Clearly he’s run out of things to talk about much sooner than he’d anticipated if he’s bringing up the sour-faced setter this early in the conversation. 

“He’s making some of the other guys go running with him,” Hinata says with a shrug, “he was being a jerk and acting like he wasn’t going to invite me so I told him I was gonna do yoga alone, so I didn’t go. I tried doing some but I got distracted. Did you know that the Komodo dragon is the biggest lizard in the world?! I would’ve thought it would be alligators,” Hinata puts his hand on his chin, making a face like he’s thinking really hard. 

“Alligators are archosaurs. They’re more closely related to birds than lizards. Where’d you learn that though?”

“A video about lizards automatically played after my yoga one ended! It was pretty interesting and not as boring so I watched it. I was just about to start another, wanna watch together?” 

Kei nods mutely, settling himself in to watch the screen of Hinata’s phone as he restarts the five minute video on the evolution of birds. It doesn’t say anything he doesn’t already know, but the rare relaxing moment spent in Hinata’s presence feels like an odd gift, and the drone of the narrator’s voice in the informational video is comfortingly familiar. When it ends, he and Hinata chat for a little longer about what they’d learned, Kei taking to quizzing Hinata lightly on the contents of the video and flicking his forehead when he gets an answer wrong, making the orange hairs boy laugh in a way that pulls a small, exasperated smile from the blonde. 

“Tsukki!” Tadashi’s voice is playful on the surface but has an insistent edge that makes the hairs on Kei’s arms stand on end. He cuts himself off, turning to see the brunette standing by their bed, beckoning for him to come. 

“Go get em, tiger,” Hinata says quietly, patting his arm before grinning and yelling “and stop calling me dumb just because I don’t know the difference between a bird and a mammal! This isn’t biology class!” 

“Hinata-boke, don’t even act like you know what biology is,” An approaching voice scolds. That’s Kei’s cue to leave, and he tries not to look confused as Hinata nods knowingly at him before jogging over to where Tadashi is waiting. 

“What’s up, Yamaguchi?”

“Sorry, I was just wondering, um…” Tadashi looks unsure of himself suddenly, his fingers twisting themselves into little knots in his lap, his knuckles turning white. Kei has to fight the urge to reach down and sooth them. “Did you still have that pocky? Want to share it now?” 

“Sure,” Kei says, sitting down to grab the box from his bag. “You okay? Were you hanging out with Yachi?” 

“Yeah, she’s with Tanaka now, though. Sorry for abandoning you, she wanted some, ah, advice.” 

“No need to apologize, I was hanging out with the Orange Idiot.”

“Then I’m especially sorry,” Tadashi says, smiling his nervous, crooked smile. Kei smiles back, but something still feels strained between them, an awkwardness that’s never been there before settling itself around their little shared space. 

“Movie time, for anyone who wants in!” Nishinoya calls out into the room. Kei and Tadashi look at each other with identically insecure expressions before turning away, Tadashi rubbing at the back of his neck, Kei fighting an uncomfortable blush he can feel creeping up his ears.

“I’m good to hang out here, if you’d rather. Or we can go watch the movie. You’re choice,” he says finally, not voicing the third obvious option of each of them doing their own thing. He’s had enough separation for one day. He hopes Tadashi feels the same. 

Apparently he does because after a moment of contemplation the brunette nods, laying back against his pillow and popping the tip of a pink pocky into his mouth. “Let’s stay here.” Kei nods too and lays down next to him as the lights switch off, people murmuring excitedly from across the room as the movie starts up. Tadashi offers him a stick of pocky which Kei leans over to take with his teeth, the darkness in the room and his burning need to re-endear himself to the boy beside him making him bold. Tadashi flinches at the same that a slightly hysterical laugh bubbles up from his throat. 

“You okay?” 

“You already asked me that, Tsukki,” Tadashi says, voice a little high but otherwise normal. 

“Did you answer?”

“What were you and Hinata watching?” 

Kei looks at him for a moment, surprised at his blatant deflection, before turning his attention to the ceiling. “Video about birds. It wasn’t very interesting, and he’s really dumb. I wish we’d stayed home and watched documentaries this weekend.” 

“Hah, me too,” Tadashi says with a sigh. 

“Really?” The shorter boy hums noncommittally which makes Kei look at him again. “What were you and Yachi doing?” 

“Mm, just talking. She can get really, uh, invested in a topic if you let her get going.” 

“What kind of topic?” 

“Boys,” Tadashi snorts, then covers his mouth with his hand like he hadn’t meant to say that. 

“Boys? You were talking with Yachi about boys?” Kei knits his brows together, reaching across the other boy for another pocky as he lifts himself up on his elbow, taking the opportunity to make eye contact with the childhood friend he used to think he knew everything about. Tadashi flushes a deep scarlet but doesn’t look away. “Are you two, like….”

“What! No!” Tadashi practically shouts. 

“Oi! Shut up over there!” 

“Sorry!” Tadashi squeaks, lowering his voice to say it again, “no, nothing like that. She wanted to talk about… other boys.”

“Other boys,” Kei repeats, rolling the words around in his mouth and finding that they don’t quite fit. “With you. Is this because Shimizu isn’t here anymore?” 

“Yeah, maybe,” the shorter boy mutters, his hand rubbing the back of his neck again. “We’re just friends, we were just helping each other out.” 

“By talking about boys,” Kei says for a final time, his disbelief still palpable. 

“Uh, yeah.” 

“Uh... okay.” He reaches for another pocky, taking two at once and crunching on them as he contemplates this new information. “You know you can say no to your friends, right? Even to me.” As soon as it’s out of his mouth he’s cringing, hating how self important it sounds, but that doesn’t stop him from meaning every word. 

“Even you,” Tadashi mimics with a breathy laugh. “Hey, last piece, want to split it?” He holds up the final pink stick, shrugging when Kei doesn’t immediately answer and popping the tip between his teeth, holding it there as he looks somewhere to the left of Kei’s head. Kei, feeling miffed at the way he’s been brushed off, leans over and takes the other end of the pocky into his own mouth, sinking halfway down the length before aggressively crunching the cracker-like end between his teeth. He smiles down wickedly at the brunette beneath him, whose eyes are like two saucers in his head, and slowly chews then swallows his stolen trophy. With a final, toothy grin he leans back and schools his features quickly into a bored frown, pulling his phone out to pretend to be busy, adrenaline and something akin to victory roaring in his ears. Okay, maybe not his proudest moment when it comes to his whole mission of being a better friend, but even friends share food and get close sometimes and mock each other when they’re mad, right? He peeks over at Tadashi who still hasn’t moved, his eyes still on the ceiling, face still red, his half of the pocky still poking out from between his lips. He should maybe find the reaction concerning, but instead can only manage to feel smug. Serves him right for ignoring Kei all day. 

The two of them go to bed soon after, and if Kei wakes up in the middle of the night to find himself bestowed with an armful of soft, freckled limbs and silky brown hair and does nothing about it… well, that’s nobody's business but his own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this far! I don't really expect many people to see this, but if anyone ends up actually getting invested, I'd like to say that all but 1.5 of the chapters of this piece are already written so while I'm still figuring out my uploading schedule I can promise this fic will be completed soon. I don't really love the idea of uploading any parts before the whole thing has been finished because that goes against my completest nature but I'm hoping that by doing so I'll give myself the motivation I need to make the final push and complete this story. In fact, I promise to. Kudos and comments much appreciated and would go a long way in motivating me!!! Ultimately though, I promise to finish this in a timely manner so you don't have to worry about it being dropped suddenly. That won't happen. I'm just trying to hype myself up to write an ending I can be proud of. (￣^￣)ゞ


	2. Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tadashi is very possessive and very dramatic. That is all v__v

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: sexual desire/masturbation - don’t read from “He takes that opportunity to lock himself in the bathroom” to the next asterisk if u need to skip !

Things have been different since the beginning of the summer, that much Tadashi is sure about. Unfortunately, that’s pretty much _all_ he’s sure about. What exactly has changed and when precisely, he can’t say. 

At first he’d thought maybe Tsukki had grown tired of him. He’d been restless, _agitated_ even, shooting the brunette dark looks when he thought Tadashi wasn’t paying attention, recessing more into himself than usual and covering it all with his practiced I-could-care-less cool guy exterior. That didn’t fool Tadashi, though. He’s been able to see past Tsukki’s defenses for years now, and while he could still see through that superficial primary front, he’d soon found himself butting up against a new, unknown wall. It had scared him. He’d feared that this was the moment he’d been afraid of for almost as long as they’d been friends - the point at which Tsukishima Kei would realize Tadashi no longer fit into his life. From then on his constant stares had felt appraising, as thought sizing him up and determining his worth. He’d tried to stand tall under the immense pressure exerted by those honey colored eyes, but went home each night feeling as though he’d run a marathon. He was sure Tsukki hadn’t even been aware of the fact that he was doing it, which in and of itself had been hard to navigate. 

Then Tsukki had interrupted his confession from Inoue-chan on the tennis team and teased him about his long hair on the way home and things had gone back to being relatively normal. Or, at least as normal as things can be when you’ve been in love with your best friend all your life. 

It didn’t stop there though. From then on Tsukki seemed to make more of an effort to hang up the cold exterior he used in public when he was around Tadashi, smiling just a bit more easily, scoffing just a little less, and touching him more frequently than he ever had in the past. The first few times had felt almost like accidents, leaving Tadashi utterly embarrassed at how deeply he was affected. As it progressed, though, it became clear that this was a part of this new Tsukki. With each brush of their arms, bump of their shoulders, each time Tsukki leaned over just a little too far or cuffed him just a little too playfully, Tadashi became more and more convinced that some outside influence had done what he himself had never been able to do despite having tried for _years_ \- they’d loosened the tight knot of Tsukki’s insecurities and helped him open up just a bit. 

It had felt like a betrayal, and Tadashi had struggled with trying not to be furious at himself for having failed for so long, jealous at this new person for having the power to do what he couldn’t, hatred at himself for being weak enough to feel all of this. _At least I’m the one reaping the benefits_ , he’d thought briefly, before realizing that this other person was probably reaping even more benefits. That had sent him into another spiral. From then on he tried sticking to Tsukki more closely, wary as he watched him interact with others. Not that he interacted with many. There was the team, but he was still the same around them. There was his family, but they didn’t count. Then there was Tadashi, and that was pretty much it. Soon he found himself having nightmares of faceless neighborhood boys slyly asking the tall blonde to be friends or nameless secret girls from other schools texting Tsukki ridiculously long lines of utterly gauche emojis. The only thing that kept these nightmares from feeling too much like a reality was the fact that he and Tsukki spent most of their time together, and that Tsukki hardly ever texted. It had been unnerving and irrational and sent him swimming in his own pathetic insecurities, but then that wasn’t really anything new. He’d stuck close to Tsukki for the rest of the summer, trying to enjoy his friend’s new openness without wracking himself with suspicion and shame. 

The day Ennoshita announced the two-night sleepover, Tadashi had been in a good mood. He’d even jokingly insisted that Tsukki share a futon with him, which Tsukki had actually agreed to. _Is this what it’s supposed to feel like?_ He’d thought. Was it supposed to be easy to ask a friend to share close quarters, unhindered by second guesses? Was the answer supposed to come so quickly, as though the request had been the most natural thing in the world? He certainly wasn’t supposed to be this happy about it… right?

* * *

That Friday Tadashi spends an embarrassing amount of time packing things he thinks will help make the weekend more bearable for Tsukki. A bag of his favorite chips, a DVD of his third favorite documentary, an extra set of headphones in case his break, two blankets so that they can each have their own, the pillow he always picks out when he sleeps over at Tadashi’s place… check, check, check. He even makes a playlist on his phone of songs he thinks Tsukki will like on the off chance that the blonde wants to listen together. He grins, confident in his preparations, and keeps smiling when Kei picks him up to help drop his stuff off at the taller boy’s house before heading to practice together. 

On the way to their captain’s house hours later Tsukki touches him again. It’s a simple brush of fingers, tucking a piece of his loose hair behind his ear. 

“Your hairs gotten long. Hey, I think we’re here.” 

Kei’s face is blank when he says it, but something about the gentle touch and the lack of pretense and the cool night wind sends a wave of heat rushing from the top of Tadashi’s head to the tips of his toes and he has to gasp for air before following Kei inside. 

“Hi Yamaguchi! Hi Tsukishima-san! Ennoshita-san is busy right now so I’m in charge of organizing everyone! I found you a space towards the back of the living room that I think will be less noisy, I’ll show you if you want!” Yacchan is bouncing on the balls of her feet, pointing behind her to a cleared space on the opposite end of the room. 

“Thanks Yacchan, that was really nice! That spots perfect! Is there anything I can do to help you after we get set up?” 

“Nah, that’s okay, leave it all to me! Go claim your territory soon though, Kageyama-san has been eyeing it. I think he regrets agreeing to share with Hinata. When you’re done we can hang out!” 

“Okay, sounds good!” Yamaguchi smiles down at the blonde girl, genuine fondness warming his chest and replacing the overwhelming heat from earlier, much to his relief. Tsukki isn’t listening and is clearly itching to get away from all the noise so he waves goodbye to the team manager and leads the way across the room. They set up their futon in silence with practiced ease, years of having sleepovers at each other's houses and having to go through the same routine each time before bed making them a good team as they arrange their space. They settle in almost immediately after finishing, Tadashi stretched out on his half of the bed, bag of chips in hand, with Tsukki sitting next to him, his back to the wall and nose buried in his phone. Tadashi can see the reflection of his screen in his glasses - he’s looking through one of his playlists that Tadashi has come to recognize as one that he likes to listen to when he’s a little anxious but not in a bad way. It makes him smile and helps calm his nerves. He takes the moment of distraction as a rare opportunity to study his best friend’s face, indulging himself a little before he has to officially put a lock on all of his Tsukki-related feelings for the night. Kei’s always been beautiful, what with his height and thin frame and fair skin and blonde hair, not to mention the way puberty has sharpened all of his facial features, making his strong jaw and straight nose and bright, golden eyes all parts of a whole that he thinks would make an angel envious. From afar he kind of looks like someone stuck a pair of glasses on a greek statue, a fact that Tadashi’s sister once pointed and he’s never been able to forget. The things he loves most, though, are the little details he knows no one else sees. The permanently pink indent on the bridge of Tsukki’s nose where his glasses sit, the scar across the palm of his left hand where he cut himself with the top of a tin can of pineapple slices he was trying to open while distractedly lecturing Tadashi on the genealogy of dinosaurs, the birthmark shaped like a blurry crescent moon above his right hip, the way he can crack every one of his fingers and toes just by flexing them. Tadashi sighs, utterly content, hoping vaguely that noone else can see whatever stupid smitten look he’s sure is on his face right now. 

“Everyone remember the rules?” Ennoshita’s voice rings out, pulling Tadashi back to reality. 

“Yes, captain,” the team replies, including himself. 

“Great, we’ll watch a movie in an hour or two so make a decision before then. Pizza will be here soon. Dismissed.” 

“Yamaguchi! C’mon! We’re gonna debate which movie to watch like lawyers! You and Yachi need to be the judge! Make sure I win!” Hinata is waving at him excitedly, a wide grin splitting his face as he bumps repeatedly against Kageyama who looks a little less irritated than usual, his angry expression betrayed by the light blush that sits high on his cheeks. Tadashi smiles privately to himself before turning to look at Tsukki, trying to gauge the other boy’s mood. Tsukki catches him staring and smiles back wryly before standing and offering him a hand, only serving to make Tadashi smile even harder. 

The debate goes on for about thirty minutes, and by the time it's over Nishinoya has convinced Yachi, Tanaka, and Narita that his scary ghost movie is the best choice for the night, leaving Hinata and Kageyama with only one point each. Tadashi has no choice but to declare the libero the victor, and then has to endure being in the center of a screaming match between Hinata and Kageyama. 

“Oi, you idiots are going to get the cops called on us! And for what?! Volleyball _cinematography?!_ Go take a walk, both of you!” Ennoshita finally yells, saving the day. The group breaks up after that, with the bickering couple charging out the door and the rest of the makeshift committee breaking up to mill around the room. Tadashi finally settles down with Tsukki and Yacchan, the former seemingly happy to zone out while Tadashi and the team manager chat about their favorite movies. After a while they’re joined by one of the first years, Kenji-kun, a black haired middle blocker who seems like a promising new member of the team, if a little overconfident. Tadashi and Yacchan welcome him warmly, inviting him into their conversation which rapidly devolves into a debate about celebrity crushes. 

Tadashi is just about to launch into a long tirade about why he _can’t_ stan Loona when Nishinoya yells “c’mon everyone, movie time!” 

“C’mon, Yamaguchi! Let’s go find a seat!” Yachi shouts, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the couch before he can even sneak a look back at Tsukki. 

Kenji-kun follows, chirping a sing-songy “Yamaguchi-senpai, Yacchan, let’s sit together,” and the two end up boxing Tadashi in, leaving him feeling deeply out of place without Tsukki at his side. He cranes his neck, trying to find his childhood friend, and when he spots him it's from across the room. Tsukki is sitting next to Hinata, head bowed as though listening intently to whatever the small, orange hair boy is saying, turning to put his lips right next to his ear as he says something quietly, his eyebrows drawn together like he’s irritated, but not _that_ irritated. Yacchan and Kenji are talking around him, but suddenly all he can hear is the static in his own brain. 

This sensation is one that he’s only felt once before. It happened early on in his friendship with Tsukki, this strange, hollow stirring at the back of his throat, as though some sort of slithering monster has coiled itself around his esophagus, stifling his vocal cords and injecting him with a specific strain of venomous thoughts. _Tsukki isn’t into boys, right? He’s never shown any interest before. He’s into girls, right? And if he wasn’t I would know, right? He would tell me? Am I not good enough to tell? Am I not good enough to consider? Am I not enough?_ He bites his lip hard enough to draw a bead of blood, distantly noticing the sting of his own nails in the meat of his thigh. 

He’s jolted back to the real world by Yacchan who’s placed a warm hand over his own, immediately releasing the tension there. Her face is a mask of joviality, but behind it he can see her examining him with basilisk eyes. _Are you okay?_ She seems to say. He heats up instantly, turning away to hide his face as he pretends to laugh at whatever joke Kenji-kun has just cracked, head snapping up when he hears Hinata yell “that’s exactly how I felt!” 

Yacchan follows his gaze, her hand dropping away as together they watch Tsukki dip his head again to speak to the smaller boy, his expression more patient than it usually is when addressing members of the team, especially this member. Her breath catches in her throat when she seems to realize what’s happening, and his eyes burn with shame as he thinks _she knows_. He feels suddenly foolish for having let himself become so transparent after so many years of harboring these feelings, stupid for having exposed himself to someone whose reaction is utterly unknowable to him, but Yacchan just takes his hand again and gives it a squeeze. 

Hinata has his arm around Tsukki’s neck and Yamaguchi thinks he might actually stop breathing before the one and only Kageyama struts over and breaks it up with cold efficiency. He might have imagined it, but he thinks he sees the setter throw him an irritated look, as if to say _come get your boyfriend_. 

Tadashi chokes. No… no, no, no, no, no. He can’t start thinking of Tsukki as his boyfriend, he _can’t_ , It’s untrue, and fucking weird, and not what friends do, and its _untrue._ Kenji-kun starts pounding on his back, asking if he’s okay. He’s not sure what face he’s making but he’s sure it's not good. He tries to avoid Yacchan’s searching gaze. 

“Okay, everyone! Shut the hell up and get ready to piss your pants in terror!” 

Tadashi tries to focus on the movie, tries to tune out the shift of bodies happening across the room, tries to ignore the way the thing in his throat tightens almost unbearably when Hinata grabs for Tsukki’s hand, forcing their palms together in his lap, tries to ignore the way Tsukki seems to hardly put up a fight before lacing their fingers together. To make matters worse, Yacchan and Kageyama are both shooting him looks. When he finally meets Tsukki’s eye it's by accident, the tall blonde catching him staring at his and Hinata’s joined hands. He smiles immediately, trying to wipe off whatever pained expression he’s probably sporting. Tsukki shrugs, looking resigned but a little worried, and Tadashi immediately nods and tries to smile brighter, trying to broadcast an escape plan for the blonde as though it's what he needs and not what Tadashi desperately wants him to need. Tsukki relaxes immediately, looking relieved as he turns his focus back to the screen, and Tadashi can’t help but let his expression go slack as soon as he doesn’t have to perform anymore.

 _*_ _*_ _*_

“That main actor was so cute!” Yacchan is saying, miming some dramatic fall. Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes though, and her theatrically is nearly a dead giveaway. Kenji-kun is saying something, but he can’t bring himself to care enough to listen. 

“It was a fun movie,” Tadashi says simply, positive that if anyone were to ask him what it had been about he wouldn’t be able to answer. 

“I’m gonna go get ready in my room, but I’ll be back in a bit! Then we can keep arguing!” Yacchan says, the encoded message clear as day. _We need to talk_. 

Tadashi thinks he might agree with her but isn’t sure, because at that moment Tsukki appears behind him, his fingertips scalding points of pressure against his upper back as he wordlessly navigates Tadashi towards their corner, the absence of that careful touch once he removes his hand both a relief and devastating blow. 

“You okay?” Tadashi asks, trying to sound normal. 

“Pretty sure that idiot Hinata broke my left hand but yeah. Tired though. I can’t believe these jackals want to do this all over again tomorrow.” 

Tadashi nods and tries to laugh, both wanting to stay and knowing he needs to get away for a moment. “I’m going to go try to sneak into one of the bathrooms, we can get ready for bed and just hang out afterwards though. I’m not too interested in staying up for any of the late night activities.” He tries not to look like he’s rushing as he makes his way to the bathroom down the hall, locking himself in as soon as he’s there and turning on the faucet, retching twice before splashing his face with water. The bathroom is new looking, probably recently renovated, and has that kind of bright white lighting that makes you notice every imperfection in your face. He tries not to stare at himself and fails. 

Tsukki’s right, his hair is too long, and even with the new length it's impossibly shaggy, the piece on his head that he can never get to lay right still sticking up higher than the rest. His freckles look prominent against his green tinged skin, a detail that doesn’t help with his nausea, the old insecurity rearing its ugly head as his eyes bounce from flaw to flaw. Big pores, dark eyebags, chapped lips, unremarkable eyes. Unremarkable everything, really. What had made him think he could keep up with someone like Tsukki, who is so effortlessly remarkable? Even Hinata is remarkable in his own way. 

“Hey, Yamaguchi, is that you?” Yacchan’s gentle knocking seems to pound in his ears and before he can think it through he’s opening the door, pulling her in roughly, and locking it behind them. Her eyes go wide but her hands aren’t shaking like his are, so he takes that as a good sign. 

“Whoa, are you okay? Listen, I think I sort of get what’s going on, but I think it would be best if you told me yourself. I don’t want to make any assumptions.” 

“I…” Tadashi chokes, making his way to the closed toilet to sit down, his eyes swimming as he tries to find the words. “I think I’m… overreacting,” he says finally. 

“I do too, but I think I get why. This is about Tsukishima-san and Hinata during the movie, right?” 

He nodes mutely, unsure of what else to do. 

“Are you in love with Tsukishima-san?” 

He freezes, then very slowly nods again. 

“Do you want to say it?” 

He stops again, looking up at her questioningly, but finds that her expression of unconditional patience makes him realize that he _does._ “I… I’m in love with Tsukki,” he says very, very quietly. It’s Yacchan’s turn to nod as she kneels in front of him, looking up at the bright lights above the mirror with a contemplative frown. 

“Is this your first time saying it out loud?” 

He nods again and hangs his head, feeling suddenly ashamed. Before his thoughts have the chance to turn too negative, though, Yacchan is back up on her feet and has him caught in a tight hug. “Oh, Yamaguchi, of course you’re overreacting then! You can’t just hold feeling like this in for a decade.” 

“Eight years,” he corrects croakily, which makes her laugh. He smiles self deprecating, thankful for her grounding presence. 

“That’s a long time, Yamaguchi, and what you’re feeling is normal. It’s okay to let yourself feel it, and there’s no reason to be ashamed! Being in love with your best friend is something a lot of people go through! What’s not okay, though, is bottling this up. You have to remember that what you’re feeling is clouding the way you see things right now, and remember that you and Hinata are friends! And you and Tsukishima-san are friends! You can talk to him about this! As I see it, you’ve got two options - confess or let it go, and seeing as it’s been eight years now, I’d really like to encourage you to confess -“ Tadashi starts to make a noise of protest but she puts her hand up, cutting him off. “I know it’s scary, and it doesn’t have to happen right now or even at all, if that’s what you really decide. All I’m saying is that I want to support your feelings and would like your permission to help you deal with this in a better way. No more shame and no more keeping it to yourself, okay?” 

He searches her face, almost not believing his ears. Has acceptance always been so readily available? He nods, tears dripping down his face as he begins to laugh in earnest. “You’re so nice, Yacchan.” 

“You’re my friend! I want to look out for you! You’re not alone anymore, Yamaguchi! We’ll tackle this together.” She pats his back bracingly before helping him stand. They stop in front of the mirror, looking at each other's reflections in the bright white light. “No more holding it in, right?”

“No more holding it in,” he repeats his voice still small but getting stronger. He clears his throat. “No more holding it in.” 

“Good, because if you do I’ll kill ya!” 

They laugh quietly as they sneak out, Tadashi rubbing his still slightly red face a final time before presenting himself to Yacchan who gives him a thumbs up and a few more whispered encouraging words. When he gets back to the living room Tsukki looks to be asleep on their futon so he creeps in next to him as silently as he can. 

“You okay?” Tsukki’s voice makes him jump. He doesn’t sound like he’d been asleep. 

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry Tsukki, Yacchan was just lecturing me,” 

“Lecturing you?” Kei questions, something tight in his voice making Tadashi’s nerves feel even more frayed than they already are. _I’m overreacting again,_ he thinks. 

“Oh, no! Not lecturing I guess. We were just having fun. Sorry Tsukki!” Tsukki seems to take the answer at face value and puts his headphones on. 

“Tsukki?” Tadashi whispers, unable to help himself once he thinks Tsukki can’t hear him. He doesn’t have anything to say, really, and tries to swallow around the fleeting fantasy that Tsukki will somehow magically hear him and hear all the pain in his voice and somehow know exactly what Tadashi is going through and will know just how to make it better. 

“Hm?” 

“Oh, sorry! Goodnight, Tsukki!” Panic floods his veins like ice as he turns quickly away from the blonde. Sleeping tonight is going to be rough. 

* * *

That night Tadashi has the most incredible dream. Its less of a coherent narrative and more of a jumble of sensual visuals and erotic sensations. It's him and Tsukki laying in bed, sometimes naked sometimes clothed, their bodies sliding against each other, a tangle of arms and legs and hot, labored breathing. Tadashi can’t help but marvel at the contrast between his own tanned and freckled hands against Tsukki’s untouchable alabaster chest. Only, the more he touches the blonde boy, the more he realizes just how human he really is. Gone is the cold, greek statue-like exterior, replaced by warm and pliable skin, blushing cheeks, swollen lips, messy hair, hooded golden eyes that beg for Tadashi to go _further_ . He pulls him close, desperate for more contact, and is rewarded by an increase in the intensity of the heat between his legs and the thrilling sound of his own name falling from that pink, bitten mouth. _Tadashi_ . God, he wants to hear that again, wants to _make_ Tsukki say it again. He moves faster, their bodies slippery against each other now, his hands becoming greedier as he pushes his friend open. Are they connected? He thinks that they might be, though not in any way that makes sense. Their chests have sewn themselves together, hearts melded, his mouth permanently latched to a long column of pale throat. The world seems to stutter, shifting uncontrollably as bright amber eyes widen, seeking Tadashi’s own average brown ones. Only he doesn’t really feel average right now. He feels powerful and weak-kneed, hungry and sated, beautiful and seen, he feels more at home here than he ever has in his life, he feels like he’s finally found where he belongs _._

Tadashi’s eyes fly open, but even after they have it still takes more than a few minutes for him to catch up to reality. He’s in Ennoshita’s house surrounded by his teammates. He’s sharing a futon with Tsukki, his childhood best friend. He’s… 

Panic suddenly rises like bile in his throat, his heart stopping in his chest. He’s practically _on top of Tsukki_ , he realizes, and to really round out this nightmare there’s an unmistakable wet feeling spreading at the front of his boxers. 

He shifts slowly, limbs trembling, feeling impossibly heavy, then scoots back as far as he can once he’s free. Tsukki is still fast asleep, his face perfectly relaxed, younger looking without his glasses and trademark sneer. Tadashi glances around the room quickly before peeking under the blankets. Oh god… Tsukki’s _thigh_. The smear of Tadashi’s come that’s taken up residence on his childhood friend’s skin glistens at him mockingly in the morning sunlight. It’s got to be nearing 8 a.m., he needs to move quickly if he doesn’t want to get caught. He peels off his sweat soaked shirt with rushed hands and gently applies it to Tsukki’s leg, mentally apologizing furiously while also secretly grateful that somehow in the frenzy of his wet dream he’d managed to ruck up the leg of Tsukki’s sleep shorts enough to keep them from getting wet. It’d be a lot harder to hide the evidence if Tsukki had woken up with a big noticeable stain on his favorite white shorts. 

Burning hot shame courses down his spine as he touches a place on his friend that he knows he has no right to, the combination of finally making contact with a patch of skin he’s often thought about and the knowledge that he has utterly and completely violated the friend in front of him twisting in his gut until he’s pretty sure he’s going to be sick. After a last glance to ensure that all physical traces of his dream are gone he puts back on his shirt, grabs an extra pair of pajama pants, and makes his way to the bathroom. As soon as he’s over the toilet he vomits. 

“Yamaguchi, are you in there? I need to pee.” Tadashi jolts, flushing the toilet quickly and turning on the faucet to rinse out his mouth while he yanks on the spare pants he’d brought with him, balling up the dirty pair and putting them under his arm. 

“Just a minute!” He looks at himself in the mirror and tries to calm down, tries to get rid of that scared, trapped look in his eye, the strange hollowness in his cheeks that he always gets after throwing up. He rinses his mouth again, wishing he had his toothbrush, then tucks and untucks his hair from behind his ears,trying to determine which makes him look more normal. 

“C’moooon, Yamaguchi, I gotta peeeeee.” 

He opens the door to a sleepy-looking Hinata, the orange haired boy woozily bouncing from one leg to another, his eyes closed like he might fall asleep right there. 

“Why are you up, Hinata?” 

“You woke me up by running out of the room. Don’t worry though, I think I was the only one.” He smiles, patting Tadashi’s arm lazily as he sidles his way into the cramped room. “Excuuuuuse meeee,” he sing-songs before closing the door in Tadashi’s face. The brunette is left alone once again, rooted to the floor outside the bathroom unable to rip his eyes away from where the diminutive middle blocker had just been standing. 

Hinata. Of course Hinata would be the one to witness him in this state. Hinata, who is so small and cute and lovable. Hinata, who is energetic and owns his own space and knows who he is and knows what he wants and goes after it unapologetically. Hinata, who was blessed with eye catching features, whose beauty is reflected both inside and out, who Tadashi can’t hold a candle to. Hinata, who probably wouldn’t hump his friend’s leg until he came in his pants like a pathetic loser. Or, if he did, it would probably be consensual at least. Would Tsukki let him? Would Tsukki kiss him? Would he wrap those big hands around that tiny waist and thank god he’d ended up with someone so pretty? So confident? So easily touched? 

“You’re still here? C’mon, let’s go back to the living room. I want to wake Bakayama up.” Hinata says, startling Tadashi when he jumps out of the bathroom looking much more awake. Tadashi takes a deep breath, trying to think about what Yacchan had said the night earlier. _Remember you and Hinata are friends!_ He tries to as he follows the shorter boy back towards the team. _Hinata is my friend._

* * *

Hinata wakes up pretty much everyone as soon as he re-enters the living room, his exaggerated whispers of “Bakayama!” and disregard for those he steps on while he makes his way to his target more than enough to rouse the whole group before too long. The only person who continues sleeping is Tsukki. He stays tucked in their little corner alone, somehow blocking out the way Kageyama and Hinata eventually start a screaming match because Kageyama won’t stop pretending to still be asleep. Tadashi finds it easy enough to stow away his dirty shorts in the chaos, and grabs his practice clothes and toothbrush before turning right around so that he can be the first in the bathroom. 

When he comes out it’s to find Hinata sitting in Tsukki’s lap, the blonde blinking sleep out of his eyes as he scowls. He’s not trying to push the smaller boy off, though, Tadashi can’t help but notice. 

“Hinata-boke! Let’s go! We’re racing!”

Hinata is up and out of the room in the blink of an eye, leaving Tsukki sprawled out on the futon. He’s strangely silent. 

You okay?” Tadashi asks, biting his lip before carefully saying, “you and Hinata have gotten a lot closer, huh?” He’s not sure he wants to hear the answer, but he can’t stop himself. 

“Shut up,” Kei replies dismissively, the lack of denial in his tone like a reprimanding slap across Tadashi’s face. Right. These are his friends. They can be close if they want. He has no right to interfere. He offers the taller boy a hand up, then grabs his bag and turns to leave as soon as they’ve let go. 

“You can leave the futon, since we're coming back,” he says, doing his best imitation of Tsukki himself, voice cool and steady and unreadable. “I’ll see you out there, Yacchan’s waiting. We’ll wait to walk together.” 

Once outside he finds Yacchan immediately, gripping her hand hard as he beats back whatever ugliness is fighting to get to the surface of his expression. She seems to recognize what’s happening because she pulls him away from the rest of the group, waving them on and telling them they’ll follow. Kenji-kun stays behind though, denying them the privacy they need to discuss what’s happened so Tadashi keeps his mouth shut. 

When Tsukki finally emerges from the house he doesn’t look at Tadashi immediately, stopping instead to say something to Ennoshita and Kinoshita who both stayed behind to lock up. 

Ready, Tsukishima-san?” Yachi asks amiably when he finally approaches, her hand secretly holding his wrist in a way that clearly says _act normal, I’m here._ He can’t look at the blonde, though, afraid of the face he might make if he does. Tsukki seems to notice, although how Tadashi can gauge that from his silence he’s not sure. 

“Thanks for joining us, Tsukishima-senpai,” Kenji-kun butts in, oblivious of the tension in the air. “Shall we?” 

They begin walking at a fast pace to try to keep up with Kinoshita and Ennoshita who’ve already started making their way down the block, and before he knows it they’ve left Tsukki a few steps behind. He tries not to look back but can’t help himself, keeping his face as blank as he can when he meets the other boy’s eye. _Does he know? Does he hate me?_

He turns back around, dread sitting heavy in his stomach. At least they’re on their way to practice. He can distract himself at practice. 

* * *

Tsukki plays incredibly well that day, his blocks and serves powerful and effortless in a way that only a true talent can pull off. Yamaguchi, in comparison, plays more poorly than usual - his serves so weak that they hardly make it over the net. The gulf between them is vast, but it isn’t the shadow that his best friend casts that’s bothering him, it’s the light that’s helping him cast that shadow: Hinata. If he weren’t seeing it in real time he never would have believed that Tsukki, _his_ Tsukki, could or would ever play harder than usual at a stupid practice match simply to make Hinata smile. Yet clearly that’s what’s happening. With each perfect serve or impenetrable block Hinata gets more excited and _tactile_ with the tall blonde, and with each outburst from the orange haired boy Tsukki seems to get more into the game, his focus only ever off the ball when it’s on Hinata instead, eyes narrowed but face relaxed as he lets the tiny middle blocker hang off his neck and climb on his shoulders. Tadashi’s jealousy is suffocating and he has to avoid them for the rest of practice, afraid that if he doesn’t he’ll do something utterly embarrassing like punch a wall or scream or, worst of all, cry. 

Yachi grabs him as soon as they’re back at the house, ushering him urgently out the front door before he can do anything stupid. 

“Stop,” she’s saying, pulling him across the street and down the block to avoid a pack of some of their teammates jogging by, Kageyama in the lead. “You need to get a hold of yourself. Seriously, Yamaguchi, I thought you were going to murder someone in the gym earlier -”

“Did you see them? Did you _see?_ ” The bitter, resentful thing he’d felt come to life the night before has taken up residence at the back of his throat again, strangling him with his old, familiar self hatred and a new burning anger he hasn’t felt before. 

“Yeah, I saw,” she replies nervously, taking his hand and patting it as she pulls him down to sit next to her on the curb. “They’re friends, Yamaguchi. Hinata’s just like that sometimes. He picks a favorite person and hangs off them for a week or two before moving on! That’s just the way he relates to people, you can’t take it personally.” 

“And Tsukki? What would you call that, coming from him?” 

“He’s a lot more tolerant nowadays, and a lot of that is thanks to _you,”_ she insists, poking him in the chest. He’s thankful she’s being combative, the anger easier to deal with than any of the rest of what he’s feeling. 

“But I - I just -”

“Hey, say it again,” she says, giving his hand a squeeze. He quiets, contemplating what she means, the puzzle somehow helping assuage his anxiety. 

“I love Tsukki,” he says finally. 

“Right, and you’re feeling this way because it’s hard to see the person you love getting close to someone else, right?” He nods meekly, the fight leaving him. “But that doesn’t mean that anything is actually happening between them, right? And it doesn’t mean they both don’t still love you, right? Or that they’re doing this to try to hurt you? You see that, right?” 

He nods again, biting his lip. “It’s just so hard.” 

“I know! Oh my god, I definitely know! What you’re feeling is normal! But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to let yourself get all angry or depressed! Instead you should try to focus on your connection to Tsukishima-san. Don’t read too much into his interactions with Hinata, he looks super annoyed most of the time anyway. You’re the one he goes all soft for, you’re the one he makes any effort to make like him. You’re already an exception in his life, Yamaguchi, don’t sell yourself short! Keep fighting, I think you have a really good chance! Better than most of the rest of us, anyway.” She smiles kindly, bumping their shoulders as he bows his head to finally let out a muffled sob. It’s an expulsion rather than an implosion, though, and afterwards he feels a lot better. 

“Thanks, Yacchan. You’re so good at this,” he says, voice watery. 

“I read a lot of shoujo manga,” she jokes wryly, and though he can tell that isn’t the full truth he doesn’t pry. Someday he’ll find a way to reciprocate all of this, but for now he has to follow her advice. They walk slowly back to the front door, Yacchan giving him a once over before they go inside, a wink and thumbs up clearing him for takeoff before she’s spirited away by a group of the others. 

He takes that opportunity to lock himself in the bathroom before going to the living room, the knowledge of what he has to do if he wants to survive another night next to Tsukki weighing heavily on his conscience. He shoves his shorts down roughly, standing above the toilet bowl as he looks down at his flaccid cock. He’d thought up this plan during practice and has been dreading it since. He’s currently so far from feeling like he can get aroused that he almost considers just forgoing this step altogether and hoping for the best, but no, there’s too much at risk. He’s still a teenage boy so this isn’t guaranteed to prevent any more incidents, but the percentage by which it will decrease the likelihood of something happening makes forcing himself through this worth it. He takes himself in his hand, tugging gently as he reaches for a mental image to help him get hard. He doesn’t have a lot of time, so he goes for the one that he knows will work despite the guilt it unfurls in his stomach. He’s flooded with a mix of reality, fantasy and dreamed encounters. _Tsukki’s mouth, saying his name. Tsukki’s eyes screwing shut as he comes. Tsukki’s throat beneath his teeth. Tsukki’s thigh, warm and wet and real in his hand, pale and smooth, covered in his come. Tsukki with his head thrown back, sweating as he comes apart in Yamaguchi’s mouth. Tsukki’s mouth on him, reaching up to kiss him messily as his cock pushes inside. Tsukki soaring for the ball, clearing the net like it's the easiest thing in the world. Tsukki’s arms around him, his face red as he breathes ‘I love you’._

Tadashi comes with a choked cry. 

* * *

After several deep breaths and a rushed pep talk in the mirror Tadashi makes his way to the living room. He finds Tsukki sitting on Hinata’s bed flicking his forehead as the two of them laugh, the gesture overly familiar for a boy so stoic. Tadashi braces himself before moving forward toward their corner, vying for visibility in the blonde’s peripherals before finally succumbing to his envy and calling out “Tsukki!” He desperately hopes he’s managed to sound normal as he makes a small ‘come here’ gesture at his friend. Both boys look over at him, then Hinata is whispering in his ear and Kageyama is scolding him and Tsukki’s up and across the room before he can even really process what he’s done. 

“What’s up, Yamaguchi?” Tsukki says, sounding genuinely curious.

“Sorry, I was just wondering, um…” Tadashi starts, suddenly trapped by his own impulsivity. He tries to think of something to say fast. “Did you still have that pocky? Want to share it now?” He blurts it out, turning red at how childish he sounds. 

“Sure,” Kei replies easily, as if he can’t plainly see Tadashi’s discomfort. “You okay? Were you hanging out with Yachi?” 

“Yeah, she’s with Tanaka now, though. Sorry for abandoning you, she wanted some, ah, advice.” He grits his teeth, hating how bad of a liar he is. 

“No need to apologize, I was hanging out with the Orange Idiot.”

“Then I’m especially sorry,” Tadashi says, the words not untrue. Tsukki offers him an encouraging smile but it does nothing to alleviate the thick tension that’s settled around them. He thinks if he really wanted to he could pluck the air like bowstrings. Maybe he’d be plucking his own nerves. 

“Movie time, for anyone who wants in!” 

“I’m good to hang out here, if you’d rather. Or we can go watch the movie. You’re choice,” Tsukki says after a minute, his clear omission of any other options a classic Tsukki way of saying _hey, I want to hang out._ It makes Tadashi smile, the stress in his shoulders easing just a bit. 

“Let’s stay here,” he says, still smiling as he lays down on the futon and puts a piece of pocky into his mouth. 

Kei nods after a minute and lays down next to him when the lights switch off. Tadashi offers him a stick of pocky which Kei accepts with his teeth, making Tadashi’s heart race in a way that makes him jolt, a bark of laughter bursting from his suddenly very tight lungs. 

“You okay?” 

“You already asked me that, Tsukki,” Tadashi says, trying not to feel both utterly self deprecating and also somehow giddy at the blonde’s careful tone. Yacchan was right, they are still friends. 

“Did you answer?”

“What were you and Hinata watching?” He asks instead of taking the question head on, his brain too slow currently to come up with a good excuse for his recent behavior. Leave it to Tsukki to always be able to zero in on even the smallest change in Tadashi’s behavior. 

“Video about birds. It wasn’t very interesting, and he’s really dumb. I wish we’d stayed home and watched documentaries this weekend.” 

“Hah, me too,” Tadashi agrees readily, probably a little too fast.

“Really? What were you and Yachi doing?” 

“Mm, just talking. She can get really, uh, invested in a topic if you let her get going.” 

“What kind of topic?” 

“Boys,” Tadashi says automatically, the ease with which Tsukki has chosen to hang out with him tonight going to his head, making him relaxed and careless. He slaps a hand over his mouth as soon as it’s out, regretting having allowed himself to get so comfortable. 

“Boys? You were talking with Yachi about boys?” Kei repeats, the shock in his voice carefully masked but Tadashi still spots it in his eyes when he leans over to take another pocky. “Are you two, like….”

“What! No!” Tadashi’s shouting before he can stop himself. 

“Oi! Shut up over there!” 

“Sorry!” Tadashi responds, feeling caught and ridiculous. “No, nothing like that. She wanted to talk about… other boys.” He wants to repeat it a hundred times. _Only you!_ He wants to say, _you’re the only one for me!_

“Other boys. With you. Is this because Shimizu isn’t here anymore?” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Tadashi agrees, grateful for the way out but somehow also sort of regretful. He’d almost said it, almost forgone needing courage altogether. Would it be easier if he did confess? “We’re just friends, we were just helping each other out.” 

“By talking about boys,” Kei says, as though trying to accept the concept. 

“Uh, yeah.” 

“Uh... okay. You know you can say no to your friends, right? Even to me.” Tadashi cracks his neck with the speed at which he turns to study the taller boy’s profile, surprise coloring his cheeks as he laughs lightly. Does Tsukki think he’s being taken advantage of? “Even you,” he repeats with another laugh, more to himself than anything. “Hey, last piece, want to split it?” When Tsukki doesn’t react he shrugs and pops the pink treat into his mouth, nibbling on the end while he thinks. Before his thoughts can get far though, Tsukki’s practically on top of him, the other end of the pocky in his mouth, his face fast approaching as he sinks down the length of the stick, his mouth coming closer, _is he going to kiss me?!_

He doesn’t, stopping when their lips are only a few inches away, the tips of their noses almost brushing. He feels himself go red as Tsukki’s breath ghosts over his face, the world seeming to slow to a crawl. Then Tsukki does something so unbelievably un-Tsukki-like that Tadashi nearly chokes. He crunches down on the pocky, chewing it slowly without breaking eye contact, swallows, then _smiles_ . It’s sexy and toothy and challenging in a way that Tadashi has never _ever_ seen Tsukki look, as if to say _your move, nerd._

Then, just as suddenly, he’s gone again, his face back to that bored expression, his eyes on his phone and headphones back over his ears. Tadashi is struggling to breath, mind blank, his heart feels like it’s fighting to get free from the cage of his ribs. Above all else though is the overwhelming sensation of the jealous thing that’s been residing at the back of his throat loosening just enough to let something else bloom, something far more dangerous: _hope_. 

He doesn’t try to talk to Tsukki again before they go to bed, afraid of what he might say. That doesn’t stop him from being hyper aware of the other boy though, going almost lightheaded when he shifts an inch or two closer to the blonde and doesn’t feel him shift away. It’s intoxicating, _addicting_ even, and he has to fight hard not to push further.That night he has a blissfully warm dream that he and Tsukki are in a meadow, holding each other gently as they watch the sky fade into shades of pink. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments appreciated !!!!!! lets cry over tsukki and yams together !!!!


	3. Halloween Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning ! LOTS of pining, bit o' underage drinking, and some light teen horniness sprinkled throughout. Enjoy :^)

As if to make up for his cold behavior at the team sleepover, Tadashi has somehow taken it upon himself to return every one of Kei’s stolen touches threefold, and Kei Can’t. Fucking. Handle it. It’s been three months since then, school has started, they’re second years now, and he  _ should _ be focusing on his classes and grades and future college plans and maybe even volleyball but instead all he can think about is the way Tadashi slyly smiled at him that morning when Kei yanked him out of the way of a speeding bicyclist, as if he’d known exactly what Kei was up to. But that biker really had been speeding! And Kei really had acted on instinct! Yet the way Tadashi had caught his wrist loosely with those warm fingers of his and said  _ thank you, Tsukki _ in that sweet, deliberate way had made Kei feel like a total fucking pervert, images of Tadashi on his knees delivering that same line assaulting his senses. Or maybe above him, with his hands in Kei’s hair as he pants out those words while Kei works him open;  _ thank you Tsukki, thank you Tsukki, thank you - _

Kei bangs his head against his desk. Literally bangs. A few people around him look up, mildly surprised, but luckily this isn’t one of the classes he shares with Tadashi so at least he doesn’t have to worry about being caught in that way. Hinata does have this class, though, and gives him a funny look from across the room. Kei’s face heats up as he turns back to the front, trying to make himself look as unapproachable as possible. That ability, at least, hasn’t left him. He may be losing his grip on reality, but at least he still knows how to look mean. Maybe even too mean - Hinata has taken to elbowing him  _ hard _ whenever he thinks Kei is making too off-putting of a face, but he doesn’t really mind. It's better than turning into a completely pathetic puddle of goofy smiles and trembling hands every time Tadashi enters a room. And hey, sometimes he even has a good reason to be scowling. Like when that first year Kenji enters a room - Kei has officially decided that the kid gives him the creeps. Or like whenYachi enters a room - it's a little harder to hate her but he also thinks she and Tadashi might start dating soon so that alone disqualifies her from ever being on the receiving end of any of his rare good moods. 

“Saltyshima! Wanna go to the vending machines during free period? I’m really craving hot cheetos!” Hinata’s loud voice pulls Kei from his reverie, his orange hair bouncing wildly as he skips over to the blonde’s desk as the rest of the class mills their way out of the room, the lesson having ended at some point without Kei’s knowledge.  _ No _ , he thinks,  _ I don’t want to go anywhere with you. I need to go sit quietly under a tree for 45 minutes to prepare myself so that I can actually act like a normal human person when I’m sitting next to Tadashi next period instead of like some total fucking creep who would rather be smelling his hair instead of learning literally anything about F. Scott Fitzgerald.  _ Instead, he stands and nods his head once in learned submission; he knows better than to go against Hinata when he’s in this kind of mood. The smaller boy smiles blindingly before leading them out of the building, Kei trailing behind as he tries to remember what it was like before he completely lost his mind. He certainly didn’t used to let Hinata push him around like this, that’s for sure. 

“You okay? You’re looking a little more dreamy than usual,” Hinata asks, smiling up at him as he juggles a fist full of quarters, counting them out in preparation for his snack. 

“Literally only you would ever describe any of my expressions as dreamy.” 

“Hm, I dunno, I can think of at least one other person.” Kei groans, dreading what’s coming next. “C’mon, dude, just admit that you’ve got a big honking fat fricking crush on Yamaguchi already so that we can get it over with! You’ve been acting like a zombie for way too long now! It’s time!” 

“Are you dumb? Tadashi and I are friends, we’ve literally been friends for so long. Get that through your pea brain.” 

“ _ Tadashi and I,”  _ Hinata mimics as he pops open his newly acquired bag of radioactive junk food with a snicker. This is a new development too, Hinata’s newfound love of pouring salt directly into the wound that Kei is becoming and insisting that this is what friends do.  _ Hey man, if you’re not going to admit it to him then at least admit it to me! _ He’d said shortly after the team sleepover when Kei had asked him what he meant when he’d said ‘go get em tiger’ that second night. As if that was something that could ever remotely be possible. Kei can’t even admit it to himself. 

“What about you and Kageyama, then? Let’s talk about that instead.” 

“Ugh, no! I’m done with that asshole! He wouldn’t share any of the chocolate he got from that new girl that confessed to him yesterday! Stingyama! I hate him!” 

They walk for a while until they find a patch of grass on the side of the school that Hinata takes a liking to and sit, silent as they listen to a group of girls walk by giggling amongst themselves. Kei tilts his head up to study the windows, mentally locating his childhood friend. It’s Thursday so he’s in his advanced history class, which should be the corner classroom on the third floor. He’s squints at the windows, trying to discern any silhouettes through the glass but can’t see past the reflection of the sky. 

“Doesn’t it bother you?” 

“What?”    
  
“When Kageyama gets confessed to?” Hinata takes so long to answer that Kei actually looks down at him a little worried, wondering if that wasn’t an okay thing to ask. 

“Honestly, Saltyshima -”

“Stop calling me that.”

“I would usually never answer something like that seriously but because it’s you and because I think you might be even worse at all this than I am… yeah. It fucking sucks sometimes.” He chews on the end of a cheeto idly, looking up at the building with an unusually relaxed expression. 

“So... What’re you going to do about it?”    
  
“What’re  _ you _ gonna do about it?” The question is accusatory and mostly rhetorical. Kei tips his head back and closes his eyes, letting the early fall breeze cool his face. 

“I don’t know but I feel like if I do nothing I’m going to lose my mind,” he says finally. 

“Yeah well, at least Yamaguchi actually likes you, and it's not like he’s getting confessed to left and right.” Hinata throws his hands up defensively when Kei scowls. “Not that he shouldn’t be! He’s super cute! And a great guy! I”m just saying it's different. I wish I had what you guys have.” 

Kei looks at the smaller boy hard, trying to decipher his words. “Yamaguchi is cute. He’s  _ too _ cute, and he lets anyone get close to him. It’s a pain. It makes him hard to read.” 

“Hah, clearly,” Hinata says dryly, then rolls his eyes when Kei starts to open him mouth to ask what the fuck that means. “You’re really dumb sometimes, Saltyshima.” 

“You’re dumb all the time.”    
  
“Hey!” 

They sit quietly for the rest of the period, something that Hinata has only recently started allowing. It gives Kei some time to mull over the smaller boy’s words but not enough to come to any conclusions. The bell rings distantly after a half hour and both boys stand, dusting themselves off before they part ways. 

“See you at practice!” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Kei mutters too quietly for Hinata to hear. He makes his way up the steps of the school and down the hallway that leads to the English wing before he spots a piece of chestnut hair that's sticking up above the crowd. As more students move into their classrooms and out of his way Kei is given a better look at Tadashi. He’s standing outside their classroom talking to a small cluster of other kids, his head bobbing as he laughs at something one of them says. It gives Kei a moment to study his profile, the delicate slope of his nose, the softness of his mouth, the slenderness of his neck. Sometimes Kei forgets how tall he is, he’s the tallest in his current group of peers but is slouching slightly to bring himself to their level. He shouldn’t have to, Kei thinks. It’s funny, imagining that the tiny, weedy kid Kei met all those years ago would grow up to be the guy in front of him - it’s not like either of Tadashi’s parents are that tall, either. Sometimes, when he’s feeling especially selfish, Kei likes to imagine it was done for him, as if whatever higher power who’d crafted Tadashi had done so with the knowledge that someday he’d meet Kei and they’d fall in love and purposefully made him the perfect, kissable height for the blonde. It makes him feel guilty, having those kind of fantasies, and frankly he’s pretty ridiculous for ever entertaining them, but at this point Kei has pretty much given up on trying not to feel the way he does about Tadashi and instead can only really focus on not letting his own bullshit get in the way of their friendship.

Kei sneaks up on Tadashi, positioning himself just behind him as the second bell rings, signalling the start of class. 

“Oh, Tsukki!” Tadashi’s face colors immediately as he knocks into the blonde’s chest. Kei has to look down to take in his surprised expression.  _ Still shorter than me _ , he thinks,  _ but not too much, the perfect height _ . “C’mon, Tsukki, we’re gonna be late,” Tadashi says, grabbing his hand to pull him into the room. He lets go as soon as they’re inside but it doesn’t stop Kei from feeling the weight of his warmth against his fingertips for the rest of the period. They sit together in the far corner of the room, Tadashi pushing their desks together as he whispers “I forgot my book today, can we share?” Kei nods and places his copy between them, taking a deep breath as he settles into the required closeness it takes for both of them to read from the paperback. 

Halfway through the lecture Tadashi shifts, a casual movement that brings their elbows together, the smaller boy’s warm, freckled skin like a searing brand on Kei’s arm. He doesn’t jolt, though. Tadashi’s done something like this enough times now that he knows if he reacts he’ll immediately lose the privilege of the other boy’s touch until the next time it happens accidentally. Instead, he sits perfectly still, focusing on his breathing as Tadashi shifts slightly in his chair, bringing the rest of their upper arms together until they’re sitting shoulder to shoulder, Tadashi’s weight as he leans against him ever so slightly a tantalizing pressure at Kei’s side. He wishes he could open himself up to the other boy, offer him his chest if he wants to take a nap or maybe drape his arm across those wiry shoulders to claim them as his own. Better yet, he’d like to wrap his arm around Tadashi’s slim waist and pull him even closer, let Tadashi know that he’d like to claim all of him for himself. He doesn’t do anything though, just sits and tries not to contemplate the aching want he can feel taking root in his mind. He doesn’t even react when Tadashi turns to smile at him as he nudges their shoulders together when the teacher says something funny, his face too close to Kei’s, eyes lit up by laughter, freckles just begging Kei to push him down so that he can count and trace every single one. Even when the font of his pants tighten and the panicked knowledge that he’s getting hard in the middle of class because his best friend smiled at him sets in, he doesn’t react - too afraid of losing what he’s already gained to take any sort of risk.

By the time class ends Tadashi has nodded off on Kei’s shoulder and Kei’s heart is close to beating out of his throat. It’s the last class of the day so the rest of the students leave quickly without so much as a glance back at them, leaving the two boys alone. 

“Yamaguchi, class is over, we have to go to practice soon,” Kei tries saying, but his voice is hardly above a whisper. He wants to look down to see Tadashi’s sleeping face but he’s at a weird angle and can only really see the tip of the brunette’s nose from beneath his hair.  _ Cute _ , he thinks. “Yamaguchi, you awake? It’s time to go,” he tries again, shaking his shoulder gently as he reaches his other hand up to cradle the boy’s face, petting his cheek gently with his thumb and marveling at the softness of it. 

“Hngh…?” Tadashi responds, picking his head up to look drowsily at Kei before pushing his face back into Kei’s hand, his head heavy enough to surprise the blonde into reaching up his other hand to hold the back of the brunette’s neck. 

“Wake up, Tadashi,” Kei breathes, willing himself not to blink as he drinks in the image of the boy who he holds quite literally in the palms of his hands. Tadashi does this time, his eyes flying open and hands coming up to grip Kei’s arms as though he’s suddenly realized where he is, his face turning a deep red as they stare at each other, both startled. Then Kei does something stupid, he  _ looks at Tadashi’s lips _ . He can’t help it though, they’re pink and shiny with saliva because Tadashi is a chronic drooler when he sleeps and it shouldn’t be attractive but it is and the only thing Kei wants in the world right now is to lick his way into that mouth, bite those lips, make Tadashi blush harder, he can see the red tips of his ears through his long hair and he wants to lick those too, wants to make a mess of the boy in front of him, he wants to - Tadashi takes a shaky breath and Kei blinks, face heating up as his eyes fly back up to meet Tadashi’s. As soon as he does he knows the other boy hasn’t missed a thing. Tadashi looks alarmed, his face well and truly red now, his eyes wide, hands shaking. But… maybe it’s Kei’s imagination, but his pupils look blown, his usually warm brown irises now only copper rings around the black, and he isn’t moving, his grip on Kei’s arm not lessening, certainly not pushing the blonde away. Kei tries not to shake as he takes in a breath. He can feel the sweat of his own palm making his hold on Tadashi’s cheek slippery and he hopes he doesn’t think it’s gross, because this is it. This is the moment. His brain is turned off. He can only think of one thing. He’s going to lean in. He’s going to kiss him. Tadashi isn’t running away, and that’s enough, it  _ has  _ to be enough, Kei has to do it now or he never will because  _ this is the moment.  _

Kei’s chair creaks as he begins to lean in just as Tadashi’s phone goes off with a deafening round of rings. 

“Ack!” Tadashi lets go of him, pulling back sharply, knocking his elbow against the table with a crack as he leans across his desk and grabs his phone. He punches a button as he brings it to his ear, holding the device upside down before fumblingly righting it. “Hello? Hello? Oh! Kenji-kun! No, yeah, we’re coming to practice! I”m with Tsukki right now, no - yeah we’re coming, sorry, we got caught up. We’ll be there in five, tell the captain. Okay! Thanks! Bye!”

Kei stands abruptly and grabs his bag, his limbs like that of a jerky marionette puppet with too few strings. His hands feel heavy and there’s a new hollowness in his chest that makes him distantly wonder if he’s ever going to be able to come back from this. He’d gotten so close, it had seemed so possible, so  _ okay _ , he hadn’t let his own overthinking get in the way, either, hadn’t been thinking at all about all of his promises not to push Tadashi into a situation like this. Yet here he is, rejected before ever even coming to terms with his own feelings. How does one recover from having  _ almost  _ kissed Yamaguchi Tadashi? He clenches his fists, trying not to see the fear in Tadashi’s face as he avoids Kei’s eyes. He would’ve said yes, wouldn’t he? When Kei asked, and he’d planned on asking, he would’ve let Kei kiss him, right? He would’ve let them get real close and moulded that yes against Kei’s mouth and invited Kei into his arms, right? Frustration builds like a breaking dam in Kei’s mind, making his fists shake. They'd be on a desk right now rocking into each other if not for that insufferable brat, Kenji. Who the fuck calls an upperclassman just for being a few minutes late to practice? 

“C’mon Tsukki, we’d better hurry.” Tadashi still won’t look at him. 

“Right.” He knows he sounds off, but it’s the best he can muster. 

Yachi meets them at the gym door, as if to remind Kei of his place in the world. If Kenji is the final nail in his coffin then Yachi is the delivering blow. 

Tadashi and Yachi whisper privately to each other for the rest of practice between sets, trying to make it look casual but Kei sees right through the guise. He doesn’t know if he would prefer for their subject of conversation to be him or not; part of him hopes that it is while the rest of him prays to god that it's not. At least they shut up when Kenji’s around, so he knows he’s not getting laughed at. He hopes so, anyway. For once, Hinata refrains from salting his wound, his expressive eyes worried as he tracks Kei up and down the court. Hinata’s stupid, but sometimes Kei gets the feeling that he’s the only person he’s ever met who can actually really read a room. Doesn’t stop him from acting like a jackass half the time, but it does help him feel just a little less alone in situations like this, especially since Hinata started making it obvious that he knows exactly what’s going on in Kei’s head, much to his chagrin. 

“Tsukki, wait up for me at the gate, let’s walk home together,” Tadashi says at the end of practice, as if they don’t walk home together everyday. He doesn’t usually tell Kei to wait outside, though, so Kei scans the gym until he finds Yachi fidgeting on the other side of the court.  _ Figures _ . 

He waits at the gate for all of five minutes before he starts walking, his quick step fueled by childish anger and the restless prowling of that scorned creature that’s taken up permanent residence in his chest. 

“Wait! Tsukki! Slow down!” 

Kei does, but only enough to let Tadashi get within a few feet of him before he’s forcing the smaller boy to jog in order to keep up. 

“Tsukki, is something wrong?” Tadashi sounds worried, his voice more breathless than it should be which makes something in Kei’s throat constrict.  _ What has your mouth been doing? _

“Are you and Yachi dating?” The question is blunt, much blunter than he’d meant it to be. It’s also a question he’d promised himself he wouldn’t ask. At this point, he should probably just give up on being a good friend to Tadashi altogether.

“HUH?” Tadashi’s reaction is so loud that it makes Kei stop dead, head turning slowly to look at his usually quiet friend from the corner of his eye. “No,” the brunette says after sucking in a breath, “I thought I already told you, it’s not like that between us.” He puts a hand gently on Kei’s arm, turning him to face him despite the fact that he averts his eyes as soon as Kei actually concedes to look. 

“It’s not?” He sounds harsh even to his own ears. 

“No! Tsukki! I like boys, alright?!” Another outburst Kei hadn’t prepared for, the contents of which is even less expected. 

Now it's his turn to say, “huh?”   


Tadashi jumps back, his hands waving wildly between them. “No! I meant - what I mean is - I mean maybe - but! It’s not like - I mean, with you and me I’m not - I - what I’m trying to say is…!”

“Wait, really?” 

“Um…” Tadashi stops moving, bringing his arms stiffly to his sides as he hangs his head slightly, unwilling to look at Kei as he grinds the heel of one of his shoes into the concrete, clearly wishing Kei wouldn’t ask. Kei almost wants to tell him to forget it, wants to spare him this moment of pain, but he needs to  _ know _ . “I guess? Maybe both, I don’t know. I’m still figuring this stuff out. But it’s not like that with Yachi, she’s just been helping talk me through it. I’m sorry if this is disgusting to you and I’ll understand if you don’t -”

Kei doesn’t let him finish that sentence. He’s pulling Tadashi into his arms before he can overthink it, needing to reassure the smaller boy, to express that there’s nothing in the world that would ever keep Kei from accepting him exactly as he is. Tadashi makes a surprised little yelp before slowly relaxing against Kei’s chest, his arms coming up to wind their way around Kei’s neck as Kei stubbornly wraps his own around Tadashi’s waist, his chin hooking over Tadashi’s shoulder. He noses into the other boy’s hair gently, unable to stop himself from enjoying the light coconutty scent of whatever shampoo he used after practice before he whispers, “you can tell me anything, Tadashi. I will always accept you. I’ll always be your friend.” 

“Really?” The hushed question in his ear is more intimate than he’d anticipated and sends a shiver down his spine which he tries to cover up by pulling back to look Tadashi in the eye.

“Really.” He leaves no room for debate in his confirmation. Tadashi seems to recognize that because a second later his quivering lips break out into a grateful smile. With the hand still wrapped around Kei’s neck he pulls, bringing them close again, but stops when their faces are just an inch apart, making Kei’s heart race. With a playful laugh he knocks their foreheads togethers, the tips of their noses bumping as he begins to giggle. 

“Thanks Tsukki, God I was so scared!” At this distance Kei can see every one of his long eyelashes, his tiny kissable freckles. He wants to move closer, slot their mouths together, trace his jawline, touch those blushing cheeks. Instead, he takes a step back when Tadashi finally breaks contact, scrubbing a hand over his reddened face as they smile awkwardly at each other. “Sorry, Tsukki. Got carried away,” Tadashi says, the embarrassment of the situation clearly now catching up to him. Kei shrugs, wanting to say and do so much more but his throat feels like it's closed up. He just smiles, hoping it’s enough. 

They walk the rest of the way home in companionable silence. That night Kei takes a long look at himself in the bathroom mirror after his shower, studying his own face as he tries to come up with a plan. Today had been about reassuring Tadashi that Kei would always be there for him no matter what, it would have been inappropriate to push his own feelings into the conversation, but maybe tomorrow…

Just then his phone beeps, signaling an incoming text. 

From: Unknown Number  
Whats up sluts ! If you’re getting this text then congrats!  
You’ve been invited to the Party Planning Committee’s Super  
Sexy Halloween Bash this Friday! Costumes REQUIRED!!!  
3874 N. Windsor St., BYOB + bring some to share ! party starts  
at 10pm, ends whenever u bitch out . . . C U THERE HOES

From: Unknown Number  
WOW, u guys are actually doing it !!

From: Unknown Number  
It better not be a sausage fest like it was last year

From: Unknown Number  
Yall are so lame. I’m only bringing booze for myself

From Hinata  
ILL BE THERE!!!!11!!

From: Kageyama  
We have practice next day Hinata-boke

From: Unknown Number  
Shut up volleyball nerds 

Kei sighs before silencing and deleting the group chat. He didn’t think school wide text blasts happened outside of shitty high school coming of age movies. He has no idea why he’s been included; he hardly talks to anyone at school, especially anyone not in volleyball. His phone beeps again, making his brow furrow. 

From: Tadashi  
Did u see that group text abt the party????

From: Kei  
Yes. 

From: Tadashi  
What do u think??

From: Kei  
I doubt Ennoshita will let us go.

From Tadashi  
True... but if he does want to go together?

From: Kei  
If you want. Or we could stay home

From: Tadashi  
Tsukki!! It’s halloween!!!

From: Kei  
Not til the end of the month. It’s early

From: Tadashi  
But youll go?

From: Kei  
Fine.

From: Tadashi  
YAY

* * *

Surprisingly, Ennoshita announces the next day at practice that he’ll allow the team to go to the halloween party so long as no one ends up too hungover to practice Saturday morning. He delivers the news with both Nishinoya and Tanaka’s arms slung over his shoulders so Kei figures they must’ve bullied him into it. 

On the way home Tadashi bounces excitedly as he talks about all of the plans he and Yachi have made for their costumes. He can't help but smile as he listens, grateful that their talk yesterday has eased the tension he hadn’t realized had grown so thick between them. Tadashi seems more like himself than he has in a long time, and with each easy smile from the smaller boy Kei can feel an unexpected confidence building in his mind. 

“Wait, so what are you guys going as?” 

“We! You too, Tsukki! And Kiyoko-chan if she ends up coming, Yacchan invited her since she’s home visiting. We’re going as vampires and vampire hunters!” 

“I’m not wearing a costume.”

“You have to! Or else they won’t let you in!” 

“Can’t I just wear my uniform?”   
  
“Tsukkiii,” Tadashi whines as he pouts up at Kei who rolls his eyes. “Plus we picked costumes where only Yacchan and I really have to dress up. You and Kiyoko-chan can just wear all black basically. It’ll be easy! We’re gonna go shopping tomorrow, though, so I’ll meet you at your house afterwards and we can get ready together, okay?” 

He nods once and is rewarded by Tadashi’s warm hand in his own, the smaller boy giving him a squeeze as he lets out a whoop of victory. The physical contact is gone as fast as it came, but Kei relishes it nonetheless. 

* * *

Tadashi shows up at Kei’s door the next day around 9pm wearing a frilly white shirt and a cape. 

“Is that your sister’s?” 

“My mom’s, actually! Now let me inside!” Kei does, but not without exaggeratedly rolling his eyes first. Once inside Kei’s room Tadashi gets to work immediately, searching through Kei’s closet and pulling out anything black that he finds. Kei sits at his desk chair and takes the opportunity to study his friend’s costume. The shirt is a button down with ruffles at the front that Tadashi has left unbuttoned at the top. It’s too big for him, and the weight of the heavy ruffles on the thin material of the shirt makes the top gape somewhat scandalously, nearly exposing Tadashi’s whole chest as he leans over to inspect the articles of clothing he’s strewn across Kei’s floor. It makes Kei blush and he has to readjust himself in his chair subtly as he directs his attention elsewhere. Tadashi’s wearing black skinny jeans and has the shirt tucked in, a big gaudy belt with a plastic skull glued on the buckle cinching his narrow hips. He’s got a stack of cheap looking gold rings on his fingers and deep red fingernails, a combination that somehow makes Kei feel like he’s swallowed wrong. He’s also wearing a velvety black and red cape with the classic high collar, though it keeps shifting around on his shoulders until he finally unties it with a huff, exposing the long line of his tan neck adorned with a thick black ribbon tied snugly below his adams apple, a heavy cross pendant hung upside down at the front so that it rests in the hollow of his throat. Kei forgets how to breathe for a second. 

“Is that necklace your mom’s too?” 

“Huh? Oh, no, it's Yachi’s. I guess she was Misa from Deathnote last year and made this for that costume. I don’t really think it's canon compliant but it's cute, right?” 

“Yeah,” Kei says, voice cracking embarrassingly, which Tadashi thankfully doesn’t seem to notice. 

“Okay! Here are your options!” he announces after a minute, clapping his hands together grandly as he gestures down at the pile of dark clothes at his feet. “Either this black turtleneck or this other shirt with the pocket -”

“Turtleneck.” 

“Okay, so with that I’d wear these pants,” he tosses Kei the turtleneck and a pair of black jeans, “and then these boots that you never wear and! Best of all!” he turns and pulls a big pile of what looks like tightly folded leather from a plastic bag he’s brought with him. He shakes it out to reveal a giant black leather duster.

“Holy fuck, you’ve got to be kidding me.” 

“Nope! I found it at the thrift store! It was only $10!”

“You’re joking.”

“You’re wearing it!” 

“What about Shimizu?” Kei tries to back away as Tadashi rushes him holding the jacket. 

“Yacchan bought her a lame trenchcoat. I got to this baby first!” Tadashi crows proudly, making Kei groan. 

“Fine, give it. If it doesn’t fit I’m not wearing it.” He roughly pulls the sleeves on and stands, surprised at how comfortable it feels as he makes his way across the room to his mirror. It looks ridiculous over the pajamas he’s been wearing all evening, but he has to admit it does fit surprisingly well. The shoulders are a little roomy and the thick fabric hangs just below his knees but otherwise it looks practically made for him. Best of all, though, is that it's  _ warm _ . He groans again. 

“I look like Morpheus. Or a flasher. Morpheus the flasher.” 

“You look cool! Like Keanu Reeves! Or those guys from Underworld!” 

“I look like a serial killer.”    
  
“Well it is Halloween!” Kei gives Tadashi a sidelong look, but the shorter boy just smiles cheekily up at him. “Ready to stop fighting it and embrace your destiny?” 

“Fine.” He pulls off the duster and tosses it on his desk as Tadashi goes to gather up the rest of his outfit. He starts to yank the hem of his t-shirt up when Tadashi makes a spluttering sound that stops Kei in his tracks.

“You okay?” 

“Uh! Yeah! I just! If you want me to leave I can!” Tadashi stammers, his face going red. 

“What? Why?” 

“Just, um, well…” 

“Oh,” Kei says suddenly, sparing the smaller boy from having to explain himself. After a moment of thought he yanks the shirt off fully, letting it drop to the floor. Tadashi’s eyes practically bug out of his face. “You know we’re still on the same volleyball team, right? We still get changed around each other.” He takes a deliberate step forward, trying to gauge his friend’s discomfort. 

“R-right, but there’s usually other people around so…” 

“So what? Hey, Yamaguchi, I said I accept you, remember? Nothings changed,” Kei says, getting closer than he needs to to pluck the black turtleneck from Tadashi’s fingers, his voice lowering instinctively at Tadashi’s proximity to his bare chest. He smirks down at the boy in front of him, enjoying the way Tadashi seems to be fighting hard to keep his eyes on Kei’s face. “Plus, you don’t scare me. Especially in that outfit.” He laughs easily when Tadashi shoves him and calls him a jerk. Truthfully, he’d been hoping for a chance to dig his nails into the front of that ruffled mess, but maybe he’ll get another later. Suddenly, anything feels possible tonight. He feels light as he pulls on the black clothes, Tadashi’s comical grumbling as he stomps across the room to grab a handful of accessories for Kei from his bag somehow both comforting and exciting. He hadn’t lied, nothings really changed and yet… Kei can’t help but feel like they might, and he can’t help but look forward to it. 

* * *

The first thing Kei notices when they get to the party is how dark it is in the house. Almost all of the lights save for the kitchen light seem to be turned off, leaving the room to be illuminated by a few colorful strobe lights that have been set up high on bookshelves and TV stands. The second is how packed it is, the living room alone seemingly hosting the entirety of the third year class. The third is how  _ loud _ it is, the music and sound of dozens of feet pounding on a wooden floor deafening upon entry. The fourth and final thing he notices, though, is just how fucking beautiful Tadashi looks even in these circumstances, his eyes shining brightly as he’s greeted by person after person at the door, grinning up at Kei every time Kei quietly denies knowing literally anyone here. 

“We have class with all of these guys!” Tadashi whispers exaggeratedly into Kei’s ear, giggling when Kei pinches his side, inadvertently pulling him closer. 

“You’re not allowed to leave me alone tonight. I don’t know any of these people,” he whispers back, enjoying the way Tadashi shivers against him when he does. 

“Don’t worry, Tsukki,” Tadashi says, smiling sweetly up at him before taking a sip of the mixed drink that had at some point been pushed into his hand. It already looks half gone. “I’ll protect you.” 

Eventually they do find faces that Kei recognizes. Yachi somehow locates them in the sea of people and leads them to a corner in the far end of the room where she and Shimizu are comparing costumes with Hinata and Kageyama. The girls are dressed almost identically to Tadashi and Kei, although clearly Shimizu let Yachi put a lot more effort into her all black ensemble. She and Kei give each other knowing looks before both stripping off their long outerwear and draping them on the back of a chair, enduring Tadashi and Yachi’s combined shouts of protest. 

“Saltyshima! Tell Kageyama he looks dumb!” Hinata yells over the thumping bass coming from the speakers surrounding them, his hand shooting up to yank at Kei’s collar to pull him down so that the loud middle blocker can talk directly in his ear. Kei winces. The orange haired boy is dressed in a cheap looking Naruto costume, and Kei can guess that that means Kageyama was supposed to be Sasuke, but instead he’s just wearing his volleyball uniform. 

“I’m a volleyball player,” Kageyama states matter of factly in his defense. 

“But you actually  _ are _ a volleyball player! It doesn’t count!” 

“...Professional.”    
  
“ArgHHH!” 

“You two still fighting, huh?” A clear, even voice says from somewhere behind Kei, cutting through the din of the room. 

“Suga!” Hinata shouts, abandoning his argument with Kageyama in favor of throwing himself at the team’s former setter. Suga laughs, catching him, and before long he and Hinata have formed a hand holding circle with Yachi, the two second years talking excitedly at the smiling graduate. 

“Yo,” Daichi greets as he approaches, hauling Nishinoya and Tanaka behind him who are both complaining about not having filled up their drinks yet. 

“Asahi will be here later!” Nishinoya announces as he reaches over to clink his plastic cup forcefully with Kageyama’s who yelps when the contents slosh all over his hand.

“Wow! All the third years came!” Yachi exclaims. 

“Oi! We’re the third years now!” Tanaka corrects loudly. 

“It’s all thanks to Shimizu, she convinced us,” Suga says sweetly, ignoring Tanaka. 

Shimizu bows her head as Yachi pats the top of it, her excited “Good job, Shimizu-chan!” going almost unnoticed by Kei who is too busy focusing on the way Daichi has snaked his arm around Sugawara’s middle, the two of them leaning back against a wall and smiling secretively at each other as they watch the rest of the group interact. Suga shifts, leaning his weight against Daichi who turns to bury his face in the other boy’s gray hair before pulling back and whispering something that makes Suga laugh. They look so natural together that no one but Kei seems to even register the intimacy of their actions. 

“Tsukki, you doing okay?” Tadashi’s question comes with a grin, masking the flicker of worry Kei can see starting to ignite in his eyes. Kei grabs Tadashi’s drink out of his hand and tips it back into his mouth, downing the whole thing in one go.  _ Fuck, that’s strong _ , he thinks, peering down into the now empty cup and trying to calculate just how much alcohol he’s flooded his system with. He doesn’t have much experience so he can’t really say, all he knows is that whatever was in the cup tasted like slightly fruity rubbing alcohol and that it had been nearly full. Was this Tadashi’s second cup? 

He smiles down at the shorter boy after a minute, enjoying the shocked laugh Tadashi lets out just as Daichi shouts, “Oi! Over here!” Soon, their group is joined by a tired looking Asahi whose mere presence seems to rile up the already very hyper Tanaka and Nishinoya, and when a Russian song they all seem to know comes on the speakers Kei thinks it might be about time to take a break. He grabs Tadashi by the waist and pulls him close as the two third years drag the former ace out to the dance floor, followed closely by Hinata and Suga who catches Daichi by the wrist and pulls him along. 

“Careful,” Kei says in Tadashi’s ear, pulling the smaller boy closer than necessary to avoid the stampede, Tadashi’s back warm against his chest as the smaller boy sways slightly to the music. He cranes his neck back to look up at Kei, who feels suddenly a lot drunker than he thinks he actually is. It’s enough of an excuse though, so he pressed the palm of his hand to Tadashi’s flat stomach, effectively eradicating any inch of space that might have been left between them. “Careful,” he says again, voice low. 

“You saved me,” Tadashi replies, giggling as he brings his cup up to his lips. Somehow it’s full again. Kei snakes it out of his hand and takes a long sip, laughing when Tadashi tries to grab it back, his playful wriggling enough of an excuse for Kei to tighten his hold around the brunette as he downs about half of what’s in the cup before giving it back. He wants to do what Diachi did, hold the boy in front of him gently, possessively, and know that it's okay, know that Tadashi likes it, that the others don’t mind it, not care what the rest of the room thinks. He wants to turn him around and hold him close, bury his face in his hair, in his neck; he can do it, can’t he? He’s practically doing it now. Tadashi is looking at him again, turning slightly in Kei’s arm, a question and smile playing on his lips, his fingers warm points of barely-there pressure on the back of the hand that’s still pressed to his stomach. Can he do this? Is Tadashi letting him? Can he-

“Yamaguchi-senpai!” 

“Oh! Kenji-kun! I didn’t realize you were here already!” Tadashi slips deftly out of Kei’s hold, stepping away quickly to greet the first year. Kei’s arm suddenly feels like it's made of lead. 

“Tsukishima-senpai, I’m surprised to see you here,” Kenji says smoothly, his Cheshire smile mocking Kei in a way that makes the taller boy’s blood run cold. Kei suddenly realizes he’s spent way too much time worrying about Yachi, leaving himself blind to the real wolf in sheep’s clothing. “This doesn’t seem like your kind of thing, senpai,” Kenji says, still addressing him. 

“How would you know?” It comes out more cutting than he means it to, causing Tadashi to give him a startled look. 

“Just a hunch,” Kenji says coolly before offering a hand to Tadashi. “Wanna dance?” 

“Oh! Um, I think I’m okay right now-” 

“Hey! Tanaka-senpai! Shouldn’t Yamaguchi come dance?” Kenji shouts into the crowd, cutting Tadashi off. As if summoned, Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Hinata all materialize at their side. Hinata is the only one who doesn’t immediately vehemently agree. 

“C’mon, Yamaguchi! Time to let loose!” Tanaka yells over the music. 

“What do you say, Yamaguchi-senpai?” Kenji says, catching Tadashi’s hand in his own and lacing their fingers together with a smirk. 

“I - I guess one song…” Tadashi looks back at him as he’s dragged away, something in his expression making Kei’s stomach turn over. Hinata stays behind, giving him an unusually stern look when Kei starts to take a step forward. 

“C’mon,” he says with a sigh, “let’s go get a drink.” 

He leads them to the kitchen where they each grab a beer, saluting Ennoshita who is talking to Kinoshita and a group of other third year students Kei doesn’t recognize before making their way out the back door to sit on the stoop. Hinata clinks their bottles together before taking a swig, his large brown eyes strangely focused in that way they get during games as he tracks the movements of some of the other partygoers who’ve elected to take a breather in the yard. 

“Where’s Kageyama?” Kei asks finally, vaguely conscious of the fact that it isn’t exactly a kind question to be asking. He isn’t feeling particularly kind right now. Hinata snorts dryly, as though fully aware of Kei’s lack of remorse. 

“He got grabbed by a couple of girls when we started dancing. I haven’t seen him since.” Kei huffs a sigh in condolence. The two of them drink the rest of their beers in silence. 

“I’ll go get more,” Hinata says after a beat, but comes back with two cups of the vile fruity stuff instead, giving no explanation as to why. 

“Did you see Daichi and Sugawara?” Kei asks before gingerly taking a swig from his cup. It’s a little less strong and goes down just a tad bit easier, making him relax. 

“Mm, yeah. Kinda hard to miss once they started dancing.” 

“...You know I think Tadashi likes men.” 

Hinata snorts again, only this time he actually sounds amused. “Yeah no shit,” he says finally. 

“The fuck does that mean?” Kei replies sharply, bristling.    
  
“Oh c’mon, Saltyshima. It’s not like I can judge the guy.” Silence again as the two of them grimace into their cups. 

“What are you going to do about Kageyama?” Kei asks finally, trying to sneak a peek at his companion’s drink to compare their tolerance for the stuff. 

“I dunno, but something. I’m trying to make tonight the night. I’m just waiting for the right moment.” 

“When will you know when that is?” 

Hinata gives him a long look before barking a laugh. “Shit, Tsukishima, do you know me at all? I have no idea! I’m definitely gonna pick the wrong moment and fuck it up so don’t try to take pointers from me, but hell at least I’m going for it.” 

“I… almost went for it. Earlier.” 

“Dude, you’re like 80% of the way to dating Yamaguchi already. If anyone should be making their move tonight it’s you. You know he’s been avoiding me since the sleepover? I wanted all of us to go as the ninja turtles tonight but he totally blew me off.” 

“Naruto’s working for you. He and Sasuke were totally gay.”

“Right! Man, you get it. Getting Bakayama to go as a gay couple’s costume with me was supposed to be step one of me making my move tonight.” He huffs a frustrated breath. 

“Naruto and Sasuke had a terrible relationship.” 

“Well whatever, I’ve only seen the Chunin Exam Arc.” That makes Kei snicker, which in turn makes Hinata chuckle. Soon, they’re dissolving into hysterical laughter, Hinata’s arm slung around Kei’s neck as they both gasp for air. “Okay we’ve probably had enough,” the orange haired boy says finally, picking up both of their cups and dumping their remaining contents into the grass. “C’mon,” he says, standing and stretching as he waits for Kei to join him, “let’s head back in and save your date. Kenji seems like a bit of a sleezebag.” 

Kei stands and has to steady himself on the railing, trying to ignore the way Hinata sniggers. He’s definitely tipsy now, his brain slow and warm and sort of giddy as he smacks away the smaller boy’s helping hand. “Wait, what did you mean Tadashi’s been avoiding you since the sleepover? Why would he do that?” 

“Oh my god, Saltyshima, you’re impossible sometimes. I don’t know what Yamaguchi sees in you. C’mon, let’s go find your boytoy so that I can dump you on him. Yamaguchi, here we come!” 

“Yamaguchi…” Kei repeats, suddenly overcome with the all consuming need to see the beautiful, freckled brunette of his dreams. He smiles. “Yeah, let’s find Tadashi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!!!!!! writing this made me fall in love with tsukki & hinata's super mismatched friendship lmao, i love these boys :") hope u enjoyed it as much as i did <3


	4. Halloween Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW!! All the same warnings from last chapter apply but also ! please note that the attempted sexual assault tag will be coming into play in this chapter. it doesn't get too physically explicit but i understand that this topic can be really hard for some people to read so here's your guide to reading this chapter! If you'd like to skip it stop reading at "Okay, now Tadashi really doesn’t know how he got here"
> 
> I'll also include a brief sanitized summary of what happens in the end notes if you want to skip the above mentioned section but don't want to be confused next chapter. As always, thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!!

Tadashi isn’t sure how he got here, physically or figuratively. 

He’s been working his way up to confessing to Tsukki for nearly three months now. The endeavor started off as more of an exercise in reigning in his emotions with Yachi but somehow became a sincere effort Tadashi now hopes to see through to the end. His interactions with Tsukki at the team sleepover, despite having been all over the map, sowed seeds of hope in the smaller boy that at this point he has no choice but to embrace. And honestly, he doesn’t think it’s a wasted effort. Tsukki’s fleeting touches suddenly make so much more sense when Tadashi is reciprocating them, the knowledge that they both  _ want _ to touch each other almost too good to believe at times. And yeah, sometimes Tadashi really doesn’t believe it, like when Tsukki is being particularly standoffish or sporting one of those deep scowls that have become a regular part of his routine or when Hinata inevitably gets all tactile with him in order to make him stop. Their newfound closeness still makes Tadashi’s heart drop into his stomach at times and it makes it hard to read the blonde, but even then, even when his own lack of self confidence catches up to him, Tadashi has learned that by just simply reaching out a hand and touching Tsukki for a few seconds he can make the whole world right itself again. A faint blush on pale cheeks, the slight tremble in usually steady fingers, the lightness in Tsukki’s eyes when he smiles down at Tadashi - these are his new motivators now, not his insecurities. 

If there is one thing Tadashi does know for sure, though, it's that Tsukki will never make the first move. The taller boy has his own hang ups, many of which Tadashi is sure he isn’t privy to, and ultimately it all means that Tadashi will have to be the one to initiate things if he wants any chance at romancing his best friend before they’re old and gray. This revelation is one that he was proud to come up with initially before Yacchan pointed out that it meant he’d  _ actually _ have to be the one taking steps to evolve their relationship. Then it had absolutely terrified him. 

He’s developed a bit of a bad habit of staying up all night contemplating these facts, trying to map out his game plan, texting Yacchan lengthy stream of consciousness essays that run the gamut of his thoughts - describing everything from his love of Tsukki’s blonde hair to all the many ways he plans to kill himself if it turns out he’s read this entire situation wrong. Yacchan is almost always asleep, and even when she isn’t she hardly ever answers, allowing him his dignity when the sun comes up the next morning. 

That’s what he’d been doing that Wednesday night, which had in turn made staying awake during class the following day nearly impossible. Even with Tsukki sitting next to him in their last period, even after he’d been unable to resist the urge to press their arms together, even after being rewarded by the deep red flush that had bloomed on his best friend’s face, making Tadashi’s chest feel like it was having to expand infinitely to hold all of the warmth that had rushed his body, even then he hadn’t been able to stay awake. That hadn’t been so bad, though. He’d woken up with his face cradled in the taller boy’s broad hands, and the expression on Tsukki’s face as he’d held him had been so utterly devastating that for a minute there Tadashi had been sure that they were both about to overcome all of their bullshit and finally,  _ finally _ kiss. 

Of course they’d been interrupted, and of course it was by Kenji-kun. He’s become a whole problem of his own. 

Tadashi had wanted to  _ scream.  _ Scream at the loss of contact, at the way Tsukki’s face fell back immediately into that blank look he adopts when he wants to disappear, at himself for reacting so excessively, at Kenji-kun for having latched onto Tadashi, at Hinata for having done the same to Tsukki, at his own insecurities and internalized homophobia and at the great unknown that was his best friend’s mind, at his own mind for doubting the genuineness of that moment as soon as it had broken. He wanted to say fuck it and thrown himself at the boy in front of him, but he’d known, he’d  _ known _ that the moment was gone and if he wanted any chance at not being rejected outright then he’d need to bide his time and find a better moment. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to look at Tsukki after that. 

Tadashi had tried his best to explain what had happened to Yacchan at practice, the need to get the words out almost strong enough to make having to explain himself in bits and pieces between exercises worth it. Almost. Of course Kenji-kun kept interrupting, forcing Tadashi to shut up every time he materialized at his side, the first year’s mere presence making the pressure in Tadashi’s skull nearly unbearable, coming to a head when Kenji-kun ran an uninvited hand through Tadashi’s hair and told him to  _ smile _ . The older boy had laughed it off, but he’d been inexplicably pissed for the rest of practice. 

Yacchan tried to get the rest of the story out of him afterwards, going so far as to cajole him into asking Tsukki to wait at the gate, but something in the blonde’s reaction had been wrong and Tadashi had cut the conversation short, running out the front doors of the gym to find that he’d been right, Tsukki had left without him. If he hadn’t already been in a bad mood he might’ve just wallowed and walked himself home, but instead he raced after his childhood friend, yelled at him to slow down and forced him to answer the question of what was wrong. He hadn’t been expecting Tsukki’s response though. And just like that, the cat was out of the bag. Tadashi is, was, and will forever be gay and now Tsukki knows it, and he  _ accepts him _ . He’d even hugged him! Tadashi had walked the rest of the way home that day on cloud nine. 

The party had seemed like the perfect opportunity after everything that happened on Thursday, and though it also sort of felt like too quick a turn around, Yacchan’s mantra of  _ keep the momentum going! _ had wormed its way into Tadashi’s brain and forced him to gather his courage. Tsukki had agreed to go, he and Yacchan made plans to go shopping, and, despite the guilt that weighted heavily in his stomach, Tadashi ignored Hinata’s excited texts asking for his participation in a group costume. It was selfish, he knew that, but he wanted to focus his and Tsukki’s relationship and he couldn’t do that with Hinata there. Truthfully, he still doesn’t quite know where he stands with the diminutive middle blocker. They’re friends, or at least they’re supposed to be, but Tadashi still lives in fear of the power the orange haired boy seems to have over Tsukki. At the very least the response their closeness elicits in Tadashi isn’t exactly that of a supportive friend. Ultimately, though, he still ended up throwing himself into a group costume with Yachi like a coward, making him officially Not A Good Friend to Hinata. He’d almost feel bad if the result of his sorry attempt to manipulate the situation hadn’t ended up with Tsukki shirtlessly looming over Tadashi in the blonde’s bedroom, vowing to always accept him. That alone had eradicated any room for guilt in Tadashi’s mind. 

* * *

All black is a good look on Tsukki. The party is loud and sweaty and lit by red and yellow strobe lights that make Tadashi’s vision swim, but even in this environment Tsukki stands out. He’s taller than almost anyone else in the room, his dark outfit a sharp contrast to his pale skin and glowing hair, complimented only by a few heavy rings on his fingers and a single gold chain with a cross around his neck. Tadashi thinks he sort of looks like some famous mafia don’s youngest son or maybe even like a fallen angel, luxurious and modernized. The pulses of colorful light cast severe shadows on his face, sharpening his already sharp angles and making his eyes look like those of a cat, inhumanly bright behind his glasses as they follow Tadashi around the room, something dangerous and thrilling about feeling like he’s the only person who exists in that liquid amber gaze. 

“I literally don’t know anyone here,” Tsukki whispers into Tadashi’s ear, the breath of his laugh sending a shiver down the brunette’s spine. 

“We have class with all of these guys!” Tadashi tries to whisper back, attempting to hide his giddiness by taking a long drink from the cup of jungle juice Ito-san from second period shoved in his hand as soon as he walked through the door. 

“You’re not allowed to leave me alone tonight. I don’t know any of these people,” Tsukki’s voice is low, making his shiver again. 

“Don’t worry, Tsukki,” Tadashi says, taking another drink to steady himself as he tries to remember what Yacchan said about how to sound flirty, “I’ll protect you.” 

Eventually they end up in a corner of the party with several other volleyball team members including some of the most recent graduates, and for the first time Tadashi feels Tsukki’s focus shift away from him. The rest of their teammates are either talking about Kageyama’s non-costume costume or Asahi’s imminent arrival and seem to miss the way Tsukki’s expression changes, his mouth going slack as his brows furrow, eyes sharpening in the low light as he seems to focus on a point somewhere to the right of Tadashi. Tadashi follows his line of sight to the opposite wall where Daichi and Suga are leaning against each other, their bodies intertwined loosely as Diachi whispers something to the former setter, making him laugh. Their posture speaks of casual, long term intimacy, of the comfort and routine that comes with loving and being loved by one person for so long. Tadashi looks back at Tsukki, the taller boy's eyes filled with something he can’t even begin to understand - not in this environment, at least, not without a serious talk or two. He shifts, suddenly uncomfortable. Is this the first time Tsukki has noticed the relationship between their former captain and vice captain? Their affection for each other is much more on display now than it ever was when they were in highschool, sure, but it's not like everyone didn’t already know about them even then. Their devotion to one another was the backbone of the team last year, it was what made Karasuno’s comeback possible. Had Tsukki really missed that? 

“Tsukki, you doing okay?” Tadashi asks, needing to break up the moment. Something about the dumbfounded look on his friend’s face makes his stomach twist with anxiety. Tsukki wouldn’t be against that kind of relationship, right? Tadashi hadn’t really misread the recent change in their dynamic, right? Tsukki wouldn’t hold those kinds of prejudices… right? He’d accepted Tadashi, hadn’t he? He said he had, he even said it shirtless, but maybe the concept and the reality are different in Tsukki’s mind, maybe he’ll want to take it back, maybe - 

As if reading his mind, Tsukki reaches down and grabs Tadashi’s plastic cup, bringing the edge of it that had just recently been at Tadashi’s mouth to his lips, downing the whole drink in one determined indirect kiss. Tadashi’s surprised laugh pulls him out of his spiral, Tsukki's answering smile like a beacon in the dark.  _ How could I ever have had any doubts _ . 

Asahi arrives, causing a stir in their already rowdy group, and as the rest of their friends pull each other out towards the dance floor Tsukki pulls Tadashi close, his arm around Tadashi’s waist as he presses the smaller boy’s back to his chest, Tadashi taking the opportunity to reclaim his cup and hold it out to Tanaka who refills it from his own before crushing the cheap plastic and throwing it into the crowd. 

“Careful,” Tsukki says in his ear as the third year jostles past them, laying his hand flat against Tadashi’s stomach in a way that makes the already wound up butterflies in the smaller boy’s stomach batter themselves against the confines of his body. “Careful,” he says again for no apparent reason, his voice low as he presses himself fully to Tadashi’s back, his voice hot in the shorter boy’s ear. 

Tadashi shivers, already half hard when he replies “you saved me,” unable to hold back the delight and arousal from his voice. He tries to take another sip of his drink but Tsukki steals it again, holding Tadashi tightly against him while he tips his head back to take a long drink just out of reach. Tadashi laughs, pretending to struggle, trying to turn around. He wants Tsukki to feel what he’s done to him, what he’s  _ always  _ done to him. He wants Tsukki to know that, if he wants, Tadashi will fall apart for him, that he’ll fucking get on his knees and beg for him if he has to, all he has to do is want him back, all he has to do is ask. 

“Yamaguchi-senpai!” Kenji-kun’s voice is like a bucket of cold water, making Tadashi instinctively jump out of Tsukki’s hold. He regrets it immediately. 

“Oh! Kenji-kun! I didn’t realize you were here already!” he says, trying to sound enthusiastic, not wanting to hurt his teammate’s feelings. 

“Tsukishima-senpai, I’m surprised to see you here. This doesn’t seem like your kind of thing, senpai.” Something in the younger boy’s voice makes Tadashi’s hackles rise, the comment almost accusatory, as though he’d caught them doing something wrong. 

“How would you know?” Tsukki replies, his voice like ice. It's not the same as his usual dismissive condescension. He sounds… angry. Actually angry. Tadashi tries to ignore the alarm bells going off in his head as he looks for some way to diffuse the situation. He wants Kenji to disappear. 

“Just a hunch,” Kenji-kun says with a shrug, self satisfaction tugging at the corners of his mouth as he extends a hand to Tadashi who flinches at the proximity. “Wanna dance?” 

“Oh! Um, I think I’m okay right now-” Tadashi starts to say, his words failing him as he tries to deflect. 

“Hey! Tanaka-senpai! Shouldn’t Yamaguchi come dance?” Tadashi suddenly feels surrounded, Tanaka and Nishinoya’s shouts of agreement caging him in, Hinata’s silence somehow louder than his companions’ voices, Kenji’s presence a physical pressure at Tadashi’s side. Tsukki isn’t saying anything, and Tadashi can’t see him. The taller boy is somewhere behind him and he feels rooted to the spot, the eyes of his friends suddenly those of strangers, making him feel like a middle schooler again, overly exposed and wishing to go unseen. 

“C’mon, Yamaguchi! Time to let loose!” Tanaka yells.

“What do you say, Yamaguchi-senpai?” Kenji-kun says, grabbing Tadashi’s hand and forcing their fingers together, locking Tadashi in place. 

“I - I guess one song…” he stammers, giving in. hoping his reluctance will be obvious to someone, hoping that one of them will step in and save him. 

Before he knows it, though, Kenji-kun is dragging him into the crowd with more force than necessary, Nishinoya and Tanaka jumping in after them, their wide, drunken movements jostling him forward and blocking his view as he frantically looks back. When he finally gets a good look at Tsukki again it’s only to see the blonde walking away from him, Hinata at his side, the smaller boys hand placed at the center of Tsukki’s back, guiding him away from where Tadashi is silently begging him to come closer. His heart drops to his knees. 

“Yamaguchi-senpai! Drink this! It’ll loosen you up!” 

Tadashi blindly accepts the drink Kenji shoves at him, trying to ignore the younger boy’s leering grin as he tips back its contents, draining the cup. He feels a pair of hands roughly encircle his hips, the touch all wrong and making his head spin. Or maybe that’s the alcohol, he’s not sure how much he’s had at this point. A body presses against his back and he has to bite his lip to keep himself from protesting. A thousand eyes around him, his teammates’ heavy expectations - they keep him silent as he surrenders himself to the unwanted contact. One song, one dance, then Tsukki will come find him. Then he’ll be okay. The music pounds in his ears as he closes his eyes and gives in. 

* * *

Okay, now Tadashi really doesn’t know how he got here. One minute he was out on the dance floor with Kenji-kun, now he’s… where is he? He can still hear the music, but the sound is muted and coming from somewhere below him. He rubs his eyes open, taking inventory of the fact that he’s lying on his back on something soft. A bed? The room is dark but he can feel something touching his stomach - a hand lifting the hem of his shirt and skimming across the fevered skin underneath. Tadashi yelps, throwing himself up into a sitting position, but falls back immediately against the pillow when the movement makes his brain feel like it's sloshing around in his skull. The hand stills then tightens as a silhouette swims into his line of sight. Suddenly a lamp that he hadn’t realized was so close to his head switches on, and he’s given a full look at the younger boy who is leaning above him, a smirk playing on his lips as he brings the arm that was reaching across to the bedside table down on the other side of Tadashi’s waist, trapping him against the mattress. 

“You’re awake?”    
  
“What?” 

Something about this situation seems familiar, like something Tadashi’s seen on TV or in those PSAs they play during health class - something he hadn’t really considered could actually happen in real life, especially not to him. 

“Kenji-kun, what’s going on?” 

“You said you wanted to go somewhere quieter so I brought you here. You laid down on your own.” 

“Oh… I did?”    
  
“Mhm.” 

“Oh… well thanks, then. We should probably head back downstairs though.” Tadashi starts to try to sit up but Kenji places a hand on his chest and pushes him back down hard. 

“You also told me you like boys, Yamaguchi-senpai. Do you remember that?” 

“What? No, I - “

“And you tried to kiss me while we were dancing. Remember?”    
  
“What?!”   
  
Kenji lifts himself up suddenly so that he’s on all fours above Tadashi, one knee shoved roughly between the older boy’s thighs, his hands on either side of his head. Tadashi’s heart stops as he tries to make sense of what’s happening, tries to see beyond the carefully constructed expression of concern the boy above him is sporting. His brain feels like it's been turned into sludge. 

“It would’ve been bad if someone saw and started to spread rumors, right? So I brought you up here - “ 

“I thought you said I wanted to go somewhere quieter - “ 

“ - and you’re lucky I don’t have any kind of prejudice against that sort of thing, you know? It would’ve been bad if you’d gone around kissing just anyone, right?” 

“Wait, what?”   
  
“Actually, Yamaguchi-senpai, I think you actually convinced me.”   
  
“Convinced you of what?” Tadashi asks shakily. He feels like he can’t get his footing in this conversation at all and he wishes Kenji would move off of him, he needs space to breathe, but his limbs feel heavy and something about the way Kenji’s voice keeps getting lower keeps him pinned to the bed, fear spiking through his system with each implication the younger boy makes. 

“Yamaguchi-senpai, I like you. I’d like to date you.” 

“What? I... I - “ Tadashi scrambles for something to say, his brain too slow as he tries to come up with a way out of this situation. 

“Are you saying you were leading me on this whole time?” Tadashi watches wide eyed as the friendly boy’s face above him twists into sudden anger, the words coming out a snarl as he leans in close, the mask Tadashi hadn’t realized had always been there suddenly slipping to reveal the true Kenji underneath. 

“No - “ he starts to say, swallowing around the word so that it comes out a squeak. He feels paralyzed, afraid of what kind of retaliation will come if he tries to get away now. 

“I didn’t think so,” Kenji replies back, and the mask is back firmly in place, his voice sweet as he leans in even further. Suddenly Tadashi feels a hand snake its way back under his shirt, this time pulling the fabric hard enough to pop the seams, exposing the flushed skin of his stomach and chest. 

“Kenji-kun, stop!” Kenji’s open mouth crashes against his, a hand coming down hard on his chest, knocking the wind out of him. He feels like he’s going to be sick. He starts to struggle in earnest but even he can feel the weakness with which his limbs are moving as he fails to knock the other boy off of him. Kenji pulls back abruptly just as Tadashi registers the feeling of something warm and wet splash against his cheek. Kenji’s lip is bleeding. It’s bleeding kind of a lot. Did Tadashi do that? 

“Kenji-kun, please get off of me. That looks serious.” Tadashi says, trying to keep his voice steady. 

“Why? Because of Tsukishima, that bastard? Is he really the reason why you’re going to say no to  _ me _ ?” 

“Your lip is bleeding, it looks pretty serious. You should go to the bathroom.” Tadashi tries not to let his voice quake, but he’s not sure what kind of face he’s making.

“Hah, seriously? You know he’s straight, right? Definitely not interested in you. Why spend your life chasing after a guy who you’ll never have? Who doesn’t even like you? I’ve been watching you, senpai, and I know I can offer you so much  _ more _ . He’s not worth rejecting me.” 

“Kenji-kun, I’m sorry but I can’t reciprocate your feelings. I need you to get off of me now.” Tadashi holds his breath as he watches the boy above him go still, his face hidden in shadows as he leans back a bit, the weight momentarily alleviated before Tadashi feels the bed start to shake. Kenji is… laughing. 

“Sorry, Yamaguchi, but I don’t think I will.” Tadashi hardly has enough time to register the words before he’s being crushed back into the bed once more, bearing the brunt of Kenji’s weight as he feels him catch Tadashi’s arms and yanks them above his head, smashing their faces together in a painful, bloody kiss. Tadashi feels his own lip split as he tries to shout, the sound cut off by a hand wrapping around his neck as Kenji pants against him, leaning back to smile savagely down at the brunette, blood and saliva smeared across his chin and cheeks. “Don’t fight so much, senpai,” he says in that sweet tone of his, pressing down on Tadashi’s windpipe and making his vision a blur. Tadashi tries to scream again, tries to kick the other boy off of him, grabbing fistfuls of his hair when the hand around his wrists loosens only to move down lower, cupping Tadashi forcibly through his jeans in a way that makes him arch off the bed. 

He hates this, he wants this to stop but he can feel himself losing the ability to fight, his mind already slipping into unconsciousness. “Tsukki!” he tries to say, but he isn’t sure if he’s actually making any noise, “Tsukki! Tsukki!  _ Kei _ !” 

Suddenly Kenji’s body is gone, the air above Tadashi almost buzzing with the absence of his body. Tadashi gulps for air, wheezing as he blinks the spots in his vision away, trying to see past the tears he hadn’t realized he’d been crying. The blurred silhouette of someone tall and blonde coming only part way into focus before Tadashi is leaning over the bed and vomiting. 

“It’s okay, Yamaguchi, we’ve got you now. You’re okay now,” a gentle voice says as a smaller hand pushes back his sweaty hair and pats his shoulder as he retches into a garbage can that has been positioned beneath him. 

“Hinata?” he croaks, lifting his head to look at the orange haired boy. Hinata tucks some of Tadashi’s hair behind his ear and tries to smile, but even Tadashi can see how strained it is. 

“Don’t worry, those guys will come back when they’re done and then we’ll get you home. Lay down for a little, I’ll stay with you.” 

Tadashi nods, suddenly bone tired, the ache in his muscles dulling only slightly when Hinata’s warm arms wrap around him, easing him back down onto the bed. He’s out like a light as soon as his head hits the pillow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLDR for trigger warning-ed part of this chapter: after getting drunk while dancing with Kenji, Tadashi suddenly wakes up on the second level of the house laying on a bed. Kenji tries to touch him without consent and Tadashi fights back. Hinata and Kei step in and stop it from going any further. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, cuties! Don't worry, these boys are gonna be a-okay!!


	5. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings ! bit of fighting (smack cam !!) and some teen horniness towards the end. If you'd like to skip it don't read from "He closes his eyes and listens to the boy in his arms" to "They stay like that for a minute". Thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!

“Hinata! Tsukishima!” Kageyama’s voice is frantic in a way that Kei has never heard before. Hinata closes the back door behind them, the two of them struck dumb as they watch the black haired setter rush towards them, nearly bowling over a group of other party goers in his haste. 

“Bakayama, slow down! What the hell!” Hinata yells finally, but Kageyama doesn’t listen. He grabs the front of Tsukishima’s turtleneck, his face furious as he pants, catching his breath. “Whoa, wait what the hells going on?” Hinata asks, genuine concern creeping into his voice as he takes in the state of the other boy. 

“Kenji took Yamaguchi. I’m not sure where. I’ve been looking but this house is fucking big.”

“What are you talking about?” Kei isn’t even aware that he’s speaking until after the words are already out, something akin to panic prickling down his spine as he tries not to let his mind jump to conclusions. 

“Like they’re hooking up?” Hinata blurts, causing Kei to stiffen. 

“No. Yamaguchi didn’t look good. And Kenji… I don’t trust him. He didn’t look like he was being helpful. I have a bad feeling. We need to find them. Now.” Kageyama turns on his heels as soon as he’s done, the crowd parting as he rushes by. Kei and Hinata follow, sparing each other only a single glance before Hinata is barking orders. 

“Tsukishima, upstairs! Kageyama, you look on the first floor. I’ll go to the basement. If you see any of the other guys let them know what’s going on. Call if you find him.” Kei can see his own terror reflected in the orange haired boy’s eyes, but he’s glad at least one of them is keeping it together. 

“I’ve already looked around here, I’ll go up with Tsukishima,” Kageyama says before leading the way to the staircase. Kei follows without question. Together they bound up the stairwell, taking the steps two or three at a time, and once on the landing they split up, moving as a team as they burst open doors of bedrooms and closets, catching a few kissing couples in the act as they go. No Tadashi yet, though. 

“Tsukki!” The cry is faint but both boys hear it, freezing in place as they try to locate where the sound is coming from. 

“Kei!” 

Kageyama gets there first, kicking the door open when he finds the handle locked. Kei rushes in as soon as it gives, not bothering to slow down as he grabs the back of Kenji’s collar, yanking him off of the body below him and flinging him across the room to reveal Tadashi. _Oh God,_ Kei thinks as he takes in the sight of his childhood friend. Tadashi looks like a wreck. His eyes are half closed, tears streaming down his face, his mouth slick with blood and spit, shirt pulled up around his chest, the exposed skin red and chafed. Worst of all, though, are the bruises starting to bloom around his wrists and neck, the red marks already beginning to give way to a darker purple in what can clearly be distinguished as the shape of fingerprints. He wants to do something, wants to _say_ something, but something inside him is breaking, making it hard to breathe. Words finally fail him when he feels Hinata’s hand on his arm. 

“Here, wipe your face then go help Kageyama get that asshole out of here. Suga and Daichi are on their way, I called them. C’mon, I’ve got this.” 

Kei takes the crumpled napkin Hinata offers him, using it to roughly wipe away the tears he’d been only half aware of, then turns and marches out the door. Kageyama has Kenji cornered out in the hallway, but the younger boy looks about ready to bolt. 

“Fuck all of you, it’s none of your business what we were doing. Get the fuck out of my way.” He looks feral, his usually overly-pleasant features distorted as he snarls at the setter. 

“Tsukishima,” Kageyama warns when he spots him, but Kei doesn’t hesitate. He’s sinking his fist squarely into Kenji’s stomach before anyone can stop him, pulling back only long enough to grab the shorter boy’s throat and pin him against the wall. He’s vaguely aware of Kageyama shouting his name as he lands another blow, his mind going blank as he lets fury and despair drive his knuckles deeper into the body in front of him. Tadashi got hurt because he wasn’t there. Tadashi got hurt because Kei left him alone. He thinks he might be crying again but he isn’t sure. Strong arms pull him back before he can wind up for his fourth hit. 

“Daichi, hold him! Pull him back! Kageyama, are you okay? Did he get you with his elbow? Get up, you need to help me move this fucking kid. Hinata, get out here! Call Tanaka, now!” Sugawara sounds far away, his loud commands nearly muted by the sound of Kei’s own blood rushing in his ears. 

“Tsukishima, calm down.” Daichi’s voice is much closer and calmer, his arms wrapped around Kei like a vice somehow becoming comforting the more he talks. He tries to focus on that, on Daichi’s presence behind him, the slow breathing in his ear. “Calm down now. Yamaguchi still needs you. Once you’re calm I’ll let you go see him. C’mon, you can do this.” Kei takes a shaky breath, feeling the fight leave his body inch by inch. At some point Daichi lets him go, turning him around so he can’t see where Suga, Nishinoya, Tanaka, and Asahi are all escorting a bloody Kenji down the stairs. Daichi squeezes his shoulder and offers him a reassuring smile before saying “ready?” 

Kei nods and lets himself be led back into the room where Hinata is propping up a weak but cleaned up looking Tadashi. 

“He passed out for a few minutes but I think he’s okay.” 

“What about going to the hospital? I haven’t been drinking, I could drive. Suga and I came in his car.” 

“I’m okay,” Tadashi says, his voice hoarse. “That jerk only choked me for a little.” 

“Yamaguchi - “ 

“Seriously, I’m fine.” Tadashi coughs, rubbing his neck and looking small. “I just want to go home.” He looks up and meets Kei’s eyes for a fraction of a second before flinching and dropping his gaze, the action so heart wrenchingly familiar at this point that Kei nearly breaks into a million pieces. 

“Get out.” Kei doesn’t bother to catch the way Hinata and Daichi exchange a glance before both standing and filing out of the room. Tadashi’s eyes widen as he watches them leave. 

“Tsukki, what…?” 

“Don’t you dare feel guilty about this. Don’t you dare blame yourself. This was not your fault. That guy is a fucking asshole. It’s _his_ fault, not yours. If anything it's _mine_. I left you alone with that monster, I didn’t stop him when he asked you to dance, I - “ Tadashi throws himself into Kei’s arms before the taller boy can finish, sending them both tumbling onto the bed as he heaves a great sob into the blonde’s shoulder. 

“It’s n-not your fault e-either,” he says, voice shaking with every inhale. 

“Fine. But I’m literally never leaving your side again.” Kei doesn’t bother trying to hide the way his own voice is fighting against the lump in his throat, tears spilling over his cheeks as he cradles Tadashi to his chest. 

“I was s-so scared.” 

“I know, I’m so sorry. You did so good, though, and I’ve got you now. I found you and I’ve got you now. I’ve got you.” Kei rocks the smaller boy in his arms as he repeats those words, listening closely as Tadashi’s erratic breathing slows, the panic ebbing out of both of them slowly but surely. 

“Ready to go home?” Kei asks after a while, pulling Tadashi close when he feels the smaller boy nod against his neck before standing, his friend still in his arms, and walking to the door. He puts Tadashi lightly down on his feet, saying “I could carry you the whole way, if you want,” but Tadashi shakes his head and reaches for the handle. 

Daichi, Hinata, and Kageyama are waiting for them down the hall. Kei can’t help but notice that Hinata and Kageyama are holding hands; the smaller of the two looks like he’s been crying. They break apart when they spot Tadashi and Kei, the orange haired boy flying forward to wrap Tadashi in a gentle hug before pulling back to inspect him. 

“I’m okay, just want to go home,” Tadashi says, smiling wearily. 

“I’ll drive. Let’s go,” Daichi says, and with that they take their leave. Suga meets them out by the car and the group all pile in, Hinata electing to sit on Kageyama’s lap in order to give Kei and Tadashi the other two back seats while Suga takes the front. The drive is quiet, save for the occasional crackle from the radio, breaking up the soothing drone of Daichi’s music. Hinata falls asleep almost immediately and Kageyama wraps his arms around him tightly, pointedly not making eye contact with Kei who is turned slightly inwards to keep an eye on the boy between them. Tadashi looks both exhausted and alert, his eyes glassy in the yellow light of the passing street lamps, his gaze fixed on the road. Kei reaches a hand out, lacing his fingers gently with the brunette’s, tugging a bit until both their hands are resting in his lap, Tadashi leaning against his shoulder as he runs the fingertips of his free hand up and down the smaller boy’s arm. Tadashi shivers, burying his face in the crook of Kei’s neck but his breathing stays even, and Kei takes that as a good sign. 

When Daichi finally stops in front of Tadashi’s house both he and Kei get out, the blonde waving off the offer to take him the rest of the way to his place. He has no intention of leaving Tadashi alone tonight. 

“Call me if you need anything,” Daichi says, his voice stern but eyes soft as he gives both boys a final nod. “Seriously, anything.” 

“Text me in the morning, okay?” Suga says with a gentle smile, reaching out his window to squeeze Tadashi’s free hand briefly before Daichi starts the engine. Kei still has his other hand held tightly in his own, and with it he leads Tadashi silently up the drive and into the house after the car pulls away. 

Tadashi rips his costume off as soon as they enter his bedroom, throwing the clothes with considerable force into the corner of the room before collapsing on the bed in his boxers. 

“Tsukki,” the word is a mewled plea, and just like that Kei knows what the smaller boy needs. He strips out of his own clothes quickly, vaguely aware of the fact that he forgot the leather duster at the party, and pulls on one of Tadashi’s old t-shirts. He forgoes pants, electing instead to climb in next to his nearly naked friend, covering them both with the blanket as he eases in behind Tadashi, wrapping an arm around his middle loosely and feeling the way the other boy relaxes. Tadashi scoots backwards until they’re slotted together, fitting like two pieces of a puzzle. Kei noses at the back of the brunette’s neck, enjoying the soft, satisfied sound it earns him. He moves lower, pressing his closed lips to Tadashi’s bare shoulder in something that’s close to but not quite a kiss. He does it again to the top of the smaller boy's spine then again to the soft juncture between his neck and shoulder, exploring the warm skin and tracking the way the tension eases in the places he’s touched. He moves on instinct, the darkness of the room and the lack of barriers between them no longer something to overthink. This isn’t a casual moment, he knows that, but it also isn’t one charged with expectations. They’re just two creatures comforting each other, and whether Tadashi ever ends up feeling for Kei the way Kei feels about him doesn’t matter right now. It’s not even a thought in his head. He’s where he was always meant to be, and he’ll love Tadashi for the rest of his life not because there’s anything to gain from it but because it’s simply what he’s meant to do. 

Tadashi turns after a while, half asleep as he buries himself in Kei’s chest. The blonde smiles and makes room for him before closing his eyes too. Eventually they’ll have to deal with what happened tonight, but for now this is all that matters. 

* * *

Kei wakes up with an armful of his best friend, the brunette draped across him in a way that's reminiscent of the incident at the team sleepover. This time, though, it doesn’t scare Kei. He pulls the boy closer, smiling when Tadashi begins to shift, bumping against Kei’s face as he slowly lifts his head, eyes hardly open as he scratchily mutters “morning, Tsukki.” 

Kei brings a hand to the small of Tadashi’s back, brushing up and down his spine lightly with his blunt nails as he reaches his available arm above his head to blindly grab his glasses and shove them on his face. Once settled, he watches keenly as freckled skin shivers under his careful touch, enjoying the sight of Tadashi’s hand fisting into Kei’s shirt as he tries and fails to open his eyes further. 

“I love you, Tadashi.” 

As soon as the words are out Kei feels something in his chest settle. 

“Wha - What?” 

Kei laughs when Tadashi’s eyes go from being nearly glued shut to the size of dinner plates in the span of a few milliseconds. 

“I love you,” he says again, running his fingers back up Tadashi’s spine and enjoying the way those big brown eyes flutter closed for a moment before the brunette shakes himself, refocusing on Kei. 

“What?” Tadashi asks again, voice steadier yet still full of a disbelief that makes Kei’s heart ache inexplicably. 

“I love you,” he says more quietly, trying to convey all of his sincerity in those three simple words. “Sorry if that makes things weird. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I just wanted to tell you at least once, make sure you knew. I love you, Yamaguchi Tadashi.” 

Tadashi’s face contorts with what looks like a thousand different emotions, his eyes flitting around Kei’s features, searching his expression, his lips twitching like he’s trying to find the right words to say, but when he finally speaks it's only to shout “Wait… WHAT?” 

“Oh my god,” Kei groans, half laughing as he covers his face with his hand, “shut _up_ , Yamaguchi.” The old familiar phrase taking on new meaning when Tadashi rushes forward, planting his mouth on Kei’s in a hurried kiss, successfully shutting them both up. He pulls back quickly, the look of surprise on his face almost cartoonish. 

Kei goes stock still, eyes wide as he watches Tadashi slowly become engulfed in a bright red flush that starts from the tip of his nose. It would almost be funny if Kei couldn’t literally feel the steam coming out of his own ears. 

“Again,” he says after a minute, his voice cracking as he struggles against the urge to hide under the covers. He clears his throat. 

“...What?” Tadashi looks like he’s fighting a similar battle. 

“Again please,” Kei says, the stubbornness in his request strengthening as Tadashi’s jaw goes slack. 

“...Really?” 

“Tadashi, kiss me again. Please.” 

Tadashi’s face somehow, impossibly, goes even redder. 

“N-no freaking way! This is way too embarrassing! I’m dying!” Tadashi bursts out, flailing as he tries to scramble out of the bed, the sheets tangling around his legs and tipping him head-first towards the floor. 

Kei catches him around the waist, pulling him roughly into his lap. “You little jerk,” he says, pressing their mouths together, their teeth clacking as both boys move too nervously. Kei pushes his tongue against Tadashi’s lips to soften the contact, and just like that the smaller boy is relaxing in his arms, humming needily when Kei begins to kiss him in earnest. They’re both woefully inexperienced but that doesn’t stop Kei from experimenting, pressing his tongue into the other boy’s mouth to explore the wet, warm space beyond that plush smile, dragging his teeth against Tadashi’s bottom lip, careful to be gentle around the still-healing cut from the night before. He closes his eyes and listens to the boy in his arms, finding himself to already be a well tuned instrument in gauging Tadashi’s reactions. He settles them down onto the bed after a while, Tadashi on top of him with his own waist trapped between his friend’s long, freckled legs. He runs one hand up and down one of the smaller boy’s thighs while the other tangles in Tadashi’s hair as the brunette presses himself against the blonde, making Kei hiss. Fuck, Tadashi’s hard. So is Kei. They’re both hard and they both know it and Tadashi’s _moaning into Kei’s mouth_. Kei grabs Tadashi’s hips roughly, stilling him as he pants against the brunette’s cheek, trying to get his brain to form a single coherent thought. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” he asks, gasping when Tadashi deliberately shifts against him again. “I know yesterday was… shitty.” It’s the understatement of the century, but it's the best he can do in this condition. 

“I’ve wanted to do this for eight years,” Tadashi replies simply, his smile shy as he plays with a bit of Kei’s hair. 

“...Really? Even in middle school?”   
  
Tadashi shrugs as he nods, not looking at Kei. “I was a horny middle schooler.” Kei snorts and scrubs a hand over his face, the knowledge that they could’ve been doing this for so much longer if Kei had just gotten it together a little earlier and realized he was in love with his best friend heavy on his mind. “Tsukki…?” Tadashi asks when the blonde sighs, sounding suddenly unsure of himself. Kei can’t have that. 

“I’m gonna take such good care of you,” Kei whispers, sitting up to lean against the wall behind the bed, arranging it so that Tadashi is straddling his lap. His face is burning, all of his defense mechanisms screaming at him to shut the hell up before he reveals himself to be the emotionally vulnerable idiot that he secretly is, but he doesn’t listen. He wraps his arms around the brunette’s slender waist, pulling him close. “Seriously. I’m going to work so hard to make sure you’re happy, Tadashi. Sorry if I haven’t always been good about that. I just want you to be happy from now on.” It’s the most embarrassing thing he’s ever said in his life, yet somehow he can’t quite feel the humiliation he knows should accompany giving such a confession. For once he feels… okay with how he’s feeling. Kei pulls back after a minute, trying to catch a glimpse of the other boy’s expression but Tadashi buries his face in his hands with a squeak, the skin of his still bare chest bright pink, his shoulders shaking ever so slightly. 

“I don’t think you’re supposed to make promises like that to someone you haven’t even slept with yet,” he says weakly, the reprimand betrayed by the hopeful yet watery lilt Kei can hear in his voice. The blonde leans forward, pressing his lips to the back of Tadashi’s hands where his mouth should be, nosing his way between his fingers until the smaller boy lets him in, warm palms moving to cup Kei’s face as they kiss again. 

“Well, we can always remedy that,” he mumbles against the other boy, then quickly adds “but we don’t have to if you don’t want to, definitely not til we’re ready,” when Tadashi stills. 

“Could we be ready now?” 

Kei blinks, pulling back to look Tadashi in the eye. The brunette is blushing but doesn’t look away, and suddenly all of the nervousness that Kei thinks he probably should’ve been feeling this whole time catches up to him. 

“I - I’m not sure that’s the best idea.” 

“Oh.” Tadashi sounds suddenly small, unsure, and makes a move as though to get off Kei’s lap. Kei grabs him, panicked, and pulls him into a tight hug. 

“Maybe… maybe we can work our way up to it, though? Can we just… stay like this?” He hates the edge of desperation he can hear in his own voice, but he doesn’t want to break their contact just yet. He’s afraid of what might happen if they do, afraid that his defenses will fall like steel traps, making it too hard to ever get back to this place of honesty. He needs to hold onto this moment for a little longer to make it a little more real. 

“Yeah,” Tadashi whispers before melting into Kei’s arms, letting the blonde curl himself around his smaller body. Kei knows that he’s clinging, being weird, but he wraps them both up regardless. He needs this. He’s needed this for a long time. 

Tadashi combs his fingers through Kei’s short hair, gently guiding his head to his shoulder, humming his approval when Kei sags with relief. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, adjusting himself so that he can peek at the expanse of tanned skin beneath him. Tadashi’s shoulder and arm are covered in freckles, and when Kei peers down his back he can almost track a pattern in the way they seem to spill down the smaller boy’s spine. He turns his face inwards to inspect Tadashi’s neck and is met with the image of four round bruises blossoming up the column of his friend’s throat. Fuck. Up close he can see the way the angry red skin is starting to give way to purple and green, the mottled colors out of place on Tadashi’s otherwise smooth skin. 

“I’m so sorry about last night,” he whispers without thinking, his voice more stricken-sounding than he means it to be so he bites his tongue on the final syllable, trying to cut himself off before he ends up burdening Tadashi with his own guilty conscious any more than he already has. 

“Kiss it and make it better then,” Tadashi murmurs, and Kei has to fight back the pressure he can feel building behind his eyes at the easy forgiveness in his friend’s voice, nodding jerkily as he shuffles forward to press his lips against one of the bruises. He repeats the gesture three more times before pressing an open mouth kiss to the base of Tadashi’s throat, letting his tongue drag along the salty skin as he laves a strip up to his ear. 

“O-oh,” Tadashi breathes, his hips stuttering against Kei’s, letting him know just how hard Tadashi still is. 

“Fuck, Tadashi,” Kei hisses, involuntarily rolling his hips as arousal shoots through his system. The straining outlines of their clothed cocks meet between them, making Kei groan. 

“Sorry Tsukki!” Tadashi squeaks, his face in flames as he rocks forward shamelessly, the hunger in his wide eyes not lost on Kei as he watches the blonde come apart at the seams. 

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Kei all but growls, rolling them over to lay back down on the bed, Tadashi beneath him this time. He rushes to line himself up again, drunk on the sensation of that delicious friction and the image of Tadashi opening his legs to invite him in. God, he feels like a fucking animal. He can’t bring himself to care though, not really, not when Tadashi is looking at him like _that_ , as though he too has a creature in his chest roaring at him to take and ruin and ravish. Kei tries to start slow but it doesn’t take long for the two of them to set an unforgiving pace. He’s rutting mercilessly against the hard heat in Tadashi’s boxers, his back arched and arms locked so that he can watch from above as Tadashi squirms and pants and moans his name. 

“W-wait, Tsukki, I - I want - “ He clings weakly to the front of Kei’s shirt but Kei gets the idea. He slows down just long enough to claw the soft cotton from his back and send it flying across the room before replacing his hands on either side of Tadashi’s head and leaning down for a wet kiss. 

“These too,” Tadashi mumbles, his fingers finding the edge of Kei’s underwear, and that actually has Kei stopping in his tracks. Tadashi seems to sense his hesitation, though, because before he can think of a reason to deny himself exactly what he’s wanting the smaller boy is snaking a hand down the front of his boxers and cradling Kei’s leaking erection in his shaking palm, the skin to skin contact making Kei’s arms almost buckle beneath him. 

“You too,” he breathes back, voice ragged, before leaning away to give Tadashi enough space to scramble out of his single article of clothing. He can’t help but take notice of the large wet spot that’s formed at the front of his boxers where the smaller boy’s cock had been straining against the cloth before he averts his eyes to keep from looking at Tadashi’s naked form until they’re both ready. He makes quick work of his own underwear and finds himself kneeling at the end of the bed completely nude staring at the floor as he listens to Tadashi shuffle and settle back down. 

“Tsukki.” God, Kei never knew a whisper could sound so sinful. He turns slowly and is rewarded with the image of his very naked best friend laid out on the bed, propped up on his elbows with his chin tucked to his chest in a bashful pose that seems incongruous with the way his legs are spread, knees bent, feet flat on the mattress, the evidence of his arousal on full display for the blonde. Kei swallows. Hard. 

“Holy fuck,” Kei breathes, the words feeling like they’re being punched out of him. He turns and crawls between Tadashi’s legs blindly, mouth watering at the way Tadashi’s head tips back, eyes closing in anticipation of whatever’s coming next. And what is coming next? Kei suddenly isn’t sure what to do with himself, his hands hovering over the alluring juncture between Tadashi’s thighs, his mind blanking as he tries to remember what it was he’d intended to do once they got their clothes off. 

“Tsukki,” Tadashi whines, breaking his reverie. The smaller boy shifts against the mattress, a move that makes his swollen, pink cock bounce against his stomach, the tip leaving a glistening smear of precome on the patch of freckles that live below his belly button. It is utterly mesmerizing. 

“ _Holy fuck_.” Kei’s brain feels broken so he moves on instinct alone, dipping his head to lap at the wet spot on Tadashi’s stomach, reveling in the way the muscles spasm beneath his tongue as the other boy’s cock flexes to press up against the underside of Kei’s jaw before he’s ducking down to pull the still weeping head into his mouth. It tastes bitter but not awful so he sinks a bit lower before sucking hard and pulling off with an obscene pop. 

“Ohmygodohmygod _ohmygod,”_ Tadashi’s feverish whispers make Kei smile wolfishly and he can’t help but lick his lips when he spots the brunette’s wide eyes fixed on him from between his fingers as he half heartedly attempts to hide the lust painting his face. Kei ignores the ache of his own arousal as he leans back in, putting his mouth to work on the smooth expanse of Tadashi’s body, starting with the flat planes of his stomach before moving to trace and nip at every ridge of his rib cage. He takes his sweet time snaking up Tadashi’s chest, mapping the way from one nipple to the other, spending long minutes sucking and biting at each dusky bud before moving up further, his muscles straining to hold him a few inches above the smaller boy’s writhing body, determined not to make full contact until Tadashi is well and truly wrecked. Tadashi chokes on his own moans, trying and failing to stay quiet, his breath stuttering each time he attempts to arch up to meet Kei in the air, focus skittering down to where the tip of Kei’s cock drags along his hip bone before fluttering his eyes closed and giving back in to Kei’s unspoken request for submission, the battle he’s fighting with his own clear desire to _take_ evident in the way his hands twitch at his sides, desperately waiting for permission. Fuck, Kei wants to drink in this moment forever. 

It takes until Kei gently sinks his canines into the soft spot between Tadashi’s neck and shoulder for the smaller boy to finally speak up. “P-please,” he pants, trying to arch up again against Kei who holds him down with his teeth, “Tsukki, please, if - if you keep g-going I’m gonna come. I can’t stay quiet, _please._ ” 

“What do you want, Tadashi?” Kei asks, voice low, pretending as though he has even a modicum of power over the boy beneath him, as though he could ever say no. 

“Touch you, kiss you, anything, _please,_ ” the desperation in Tadashi’s voice makes Kei’s nerves sing. 

“So fucking good, Tadashi,” he whispers hotly in the brunette’s ear as he slowly lowers himself so that their cocks are once again pressed together in full, trapped between their sweaty bodies and slick with their mixing precome. “So good, so beautiful. God I fucking love you. Gonna take such good care of you. Gonna fuck you, Tadashi, okay? Tell me what you want, I’ll give you anything. Tell me, _please_.”

Tadashi whimpers into Kei’s mouth as he pulls him down for a messy kiss, his arms coming up to wrap around the taller boy’s neck as he ruts up against him, forcing Kei to match his needy pace. 

“Love you too,” Tadashi sobs brokenly, the sudden rush of sensation too much as he shakes apart beneath the blonde, “love you, please Tsukki, fuck me, _fuck me_.”

“Holy fuck,” Kei hiccups before he too is coming with a groan, his climax hitting him too fast, forcing him to bite down on the juncture of Tadashi’s shoulder in order to keep from shouting as he rides out the rest of his orgasm. Tadashi’s mouth is on his neck, alternating between sucking hard each time Kei bears down on his too-sensitive cock and licking away the sting each time Kei rocks back. By the time they stop moving Kei can hardly remember his own name. 

“Fuck,” he says, sagging against Tadashi with his full weight. Tadashi grunts a small _oof_ before wiggling out from under Kei until they’re laying side by side, one of Kei’s arms still draped across the brunette as they smile shyly at each other before the blonde turns to press his face into the mattress while Tadashi blushes up at the ceiling. They stay like that for a minute, their synchronized heartbeats the loudest sound in the room. Finally, Kei turns back to the brunette and very quietly asks, “really?” 

“Yeah,” Tadashi whispers back with no hesitation. “I love you.” 

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Kei rolls onto his side after a minute, gathering Tadashi to him, his fingers skimming along his friend's throat, skipping the foreign fingerprints in favor of tracing the half moon of teeth marks worried into the side of his neck. “Shit, does it hurt?”

“Nope, felt good,” Tadashi replies readily, lowering his eyelids to smile coyly at Kei through his lashes. Kei feels his face heat up in response. “Plus, you should see the other guy.” Kei’s hand instinctively goes to his own neck, searching the spots of slight soreness he can feel budding where Tadashi’s mouth had been. “Finally,” Tadashi says lowly, reaching up to replace Kei’s hand with his own, his fingertips rubbing small circles against the skin as though to coax the bruises to the surface. “Mine.” 

“Definitely,” Kei chokes out, the crack in his voice making Tadashi smile. “Yours.” He mumbles the admission, humiliation coloring his face, but the smile he receives in response makes it worth it. The hungry light in Tadashi’s eyes burns brightly before he’s shuffling forward, nuzzling against Kei’s chest, his grin lazy and self satisfied as he plucks his own discarded boxers from somewhere behind Kei’s head and uses them to roughly wipe down his still sticky stomach. After an exaggerated inspection to be sure he’s gotten the majority of their mixed and drying come off his skin, he offers the dirtied piece of clothing to the blonde who pretends to gag but takes it anyway and cleans himself up too.

“We’re dating now, right?” Tadashi asks after a few minutes, his tone light and deceptively teasing but Kei can hear the seriousness of the question nonetheless. 

“I think we might’ve been dating for a while now but yeah, officially,” Kei responds, trying to match the smaller boy’s mood. It seems to be the right answer, because Tadashi laughs again before leaning in for a sweet, lingering kiss. 

“Boyfriend,” he says, poking Kei’s chest as he evaluates the word on his tongue as though comparing it to the blonde. 

“Ew,” Kei says automatically before planting a kiss on Tadashi’s forehead, feeling suddenly hopelessly sentimental as he murmurs back “boyfriend,” with nothing but reverence in his voice. 

Tadashi springs up suddenly, making the mattress bounce, “oh shit what about practice?” 

Kei sits up too, alarmed, before registering what his _boyfriend_ just said and sagging back into the bed. “Who cares, we’ll see them Monday.” 

“But Tsukki -”

“I’m sure we’ve been excused.” Kei doesn’t want to bring up what happened the night before but from the sudden stricken look that flashes across Tadashi’s face he can tell he’s picked up on the implication. 

“I guess they all must know, huh?” 

“Tadashi…” Kei sits up again, trying to find the right words, hating the way the smaller boy has started to hunch in on himself. 

“Pretty embarrassing,” Tadashi says with a weak laugh, “but oh well, nothing to be done I guess -” 

“Hey, don’t do that,” Kei cuts him off sternly, catching Tadashi’s wrist with one hand and turning him to face him, the other hand coming up to capture the boy’s chin. “Don’t do that. Last night was shitty but it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It was scary for all of us. Those guys all love you. They’ll understand and they’ll take care of that piece of shit, I’m positive. And if they don’t, I will. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.” 

“Thank you, Tsukki,” comes Tadashi’s reply, his eyes shining with unshed tears but smile genuine as he reaches up to wrap both hands around Kei’s fingers gratefully. 

“If you want to talk about it more we can. If you want to wait we can do that too. If you want me to never bring it up again I won’t. It’s up to you.” 

“Not right now, if that’s okay.” 

“Of course.” Kei shuffles forward, folding Tadashi in his long arms. “I love you, idiot. Everyone loves you. We’re gonna be okay.”

“I have such a good boyfriend,” the brunette half laughs, his voice still shaky but getting stronger. “What did I ever do to deserve someone so cute.” 

“You’re the cute one, asshole,” Kei says gruffly, burying his face in Tadashi’s shoulder to hide the embarrassed flush spreading across his cheeks. Tadashi’s hum happily against his neck, running his nose along the patch of skin that Kei is sure is sporting a whole bouquet of colorful hickies by now. 

“Mine,” he sighs happily, to which Kei grunts in assent. 

“Mine?” Kei replies quietly, kissing the imprints of his own teeth that are now starting to bruise ever so slightly, a sight that he finds both scary and satisfying. 

“Always.” They kiss again, slowly, sweetly, and it's everything Kei’s ever wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u everyone for all of ur kind comments :""") im so glad ppl are actually enjoying this lmao. and we're almost to the end !! Tomorrow's chapter is p much ready to go but the finale might be delayed a day or so depending on how much headway i make today - it'll be a shorter epilogue tho so shouldn't be too suspenseful or anything. And hopefully i can get it done! I'm just having a slow writing day today lmao. Anyway !! thanks for reading !! love u all !


	6. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello ! this chapter was p satisfying to write so i hope u all enjoy it :""") If you'd like to skip these two cuties getting handsy with eachother stop reading around "his clenched hands catching Tadashi’s eye" and resume at "“What now?” Tadashi asks after a while"
> 
> As always, thanks for reading !!!!!!!!

Tsukki had been right, the team was tactful that following Monday when he and Tadashi offered no excuses for having skipped Saturday’s practice. Even Kageyama didn’t scold them, although he did choke very loudly on the milk he’d been drinking when he caught sight of Tsukki’s neck, giving Hinata cause to pound on his back until he was flat on the gym floor. Tsukki had flushed a bright red and scowled at Tadashi, but the brunette couldn’t find it in himself to feel the least bit apologetic. Even when Tsukki whispered “ _ you’re dead later” _ in his ear, it had just made him shiver which in turn had made Tsukki go an even deeper shade of scarlet, and by the end of the exchange they’d both had to take a moment to sit hunched against the wall before hobbling off in opposite directions. 

Tsukki had also been right about Kenji-kun. He didn’t show up for practice at all that week and no one asked where he was. Whatever the team had said or done to him must’ve been effective, because Tadashi didn’t even see him at school. After the initial feelings of embarrassment and humiliation had subsided somewhat, Tadashi found himself utterly grateful to be surrounded by so many supportive friends and even more grateful of the fact that anything that didn’t go smoothly in the aftermath of the Halloween party had been taken care of quickly and quietly by Tsukki, who stepped up and stepped in like the best goddamn boyfriend in the world. 

By the time Saturday arrives Tadashi almost feels back to his usual self again, with a few...  _ notable  _ differences. Firstly, his concentration feels shot. They spent the majority of that week making out after school or stealing kisses behind closed doors and, once, in the club room before Kageyama came waltzing in, obliviously sucking on a box of milk while Tadashi and Tsukki pretended to be very interested in a magazine Tadashi had to spread out on his lap. 

The lingering thrill and memory of Tsukki's mouth against his has, apparently, turned Tadashi’s brain to mush, making it so that he can hardly concentrate on the fact that he has a volleyball game at Date Tech in a little over an hour as he waits in line with the rest of his team to board the bus, his focus instead locked on the tall and silent blonde standing next to him. That brings him to his second issue, the fact that he and Tsukki haven’t said a word to each other yet this morning. It’s not that things are awkward, per say, but a certain unfamiliarity with how to handle having to interact with each other in public lingers between them, and in retrospect they probably should have done a little more talking and a little less kissing the last few days but hey, it’s not Tadashi’s fault that they’re both busy straight A students in a demanding sport with nosy families, so can you really blame him for having been unable to resist spending every precious private moment taking whatever he could get? 

Tsukki bumps him with his shoulder to urge him forward as the line starts moving, reminding Tadashi sharply of his third and final issue: he literally cannot stop trying to reflexively touch Tsukki in ways that he  _ definitely _ should not be trying to do in public. He’s already had to stop himself from mindlessly reaching for Tsukki’s hand at least twice this morning, and that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface in describing this new bad habit he’s developed over the last week. Really, he needs to learn better self control. 

“You okay?” Tsukki leans down to whisper in his ear, the worry in his voice not betrayed by the blank expression he keeps firmly on his face. Tadashi sighs, envious of the blonde’s unrelenting restraint. 

“I’m fine, just nervous.” 

“Hmph. Don’t be. Aone can suck my left nut this year.” Tsukki straightens and pulls out his phone, and Tadashi can’t help but smile at his disguised determination. They start to climb up the stairs of the bus when Tadashi finds his way blocked by a wild tuft of bright orange hair. 

“Oi, sorry to butt in Saltyshima but I’m gonna steal Yams for a minute okay? Okay! Cool!” 

“No.” Tsukki barely looks up from his phone but his reply is stern. 

“C’mon, Yamaguchi! I saved us seats. Saltyshima can go sit with Bakayama and bond! It’ll only be for a minute, okay?” Hinata’s voice is as exuberant as ever, but something in the way he looks up at Tadashi waiting for permission makes the brunette think that this isn’t going to be just some casual conversation. He nods his head minutely, careful not to look back at Tsukki for the approval he knows he won’t find. 

“Okay.”    
  
“Ta - Yamaguchi, c’mon, don’t -” Tsukki starts to complain, but Tadashi gives him a pleading look. 

“Just for a minute, Tsukki,” he says, nodding at where Kageyama is sitting with his arms crossed tightly before turning and following Hinata to where he’s already sitting down. 

Hinata smiles at him as they settle in but doesn’t say anything until the bus starts moving. 

“Everything okay?” Tadashi asks, trying to ignore his own growing panic and the overly still way he can see Tsukki sitting in his peripheral vision, practically broadcasting the fact that he’s eavesdropping. 

“Everythings fine!” Hinata grins casually, but places a fortifying hand over one of Tadashi’s trembling ones and gives it a knowing squeeze. “I just feel like we haven’t talked in a while and I just wanted to check on how you’ve been doing.” 

“O-oh, thanks, Hinata, yeah… um, I’m fine. Good, I mean. Yeah… I mean, if you’re referring to -” 

“We don’t have to talk about it now, if you don’t wanna, and that’s not the only reason I’m asking. You’re my friend! I just wanted to check in and say, you know, I’m here for you.” 

Tadashi smiles guiltily, thankful that Hinata isn’t asking him to relive the Halloween party but unsure about how to proceed with the conversation. He knows he owes the middle blocker an apology - he’s been ignoring him for a lot longer than since the party and for reasons that have turned out to be totally irrational and selfish. 

“Hinata, I’m sorry if I’ve been… cold the last few months, I’ve been -” 

“Nah, I get it,” Hinata says breezily, cutting him off. The smaller boy waves his hands around between them as if exorcizing all of Tadashi’s self-reproach, making the brunette laugh gratefully. “Seriously, I  _ get _ it,” Hinata repeats conspiratorially, giving Tadashi a wink before pointedly sliding his eyes to the back of Tsukki’s head. He waggles his eyebrows as Tadashi makes a strangled sound, then laughs as he reaches over to pound Tadashi on the back, making him choke even more. 

“Oi,” Tsukki’s voice is rife with warning, his eyes bright behind his glasses as he swivels around in his seat to stare pointedly at Hinata, ignoring the way Kageyama is snickering behind his back. 

“Yeah, alright alright. Switch with me, dreamerboy,” Hinata says easily, standing and clambering over Tadashi without asking him to move first, whispering “you’re way too good for him,” as he goes. Tsukki gets up stiffly and makes his way across the aisle to stand intimidatingly behind the orange haired boy. Hinata doesn’t move, though, opting instead to plant himself next to Tadashi with both hands on his hips, grinning down at the still seated pinch server. “Who else knows? Yachi, I’m guessing?”    
  
“Uh,” Tadashi says unhelpfully, still having trouble processing the fact that his and Tsukki’s secret has already been found out by Hinata of all people. 

“Thought so. This’ll be fun.” The smaller boy smiles broadly one last time before ducking under Tsukki’s arm and bouncing his way back to Kageyama’s side. Tadashi mutely shuffles over towards the window, giving Tsukki space to sit down. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah, although…” Tadashi sneaks a look at Tsukki only to find him staring at him so hard that it almost makes Tadashi laugh. He rolls his eyes, feeling the tension drain out of him. 

“Did that little freak say something to you?”    


“He knows about us,” Tadashi tries to break the news gently, and is surprised when Tsukki’s reaction isn’t immediately forthcoming. 

“...Yeah that might be my fault.” Tsukki is staring down hard on his lap, fingers twisting guiltily, the rare unsure expression on the blonde making Tadashi do a double take. 

“Wait…  _ seriously? _ ” Tadashi’s mind is going a mile a minute, revisiting all of those moments when he had been so jealous of the orange haired boy. They’d been talking about  _ him _ ? 

“So what? You told Yachi right? I heard Hinata. I’m guessing I’m the ‘boys’ you guys were always discussing, right?” Tsukki says defensively, but his bright blush and clenched fists both scream of insecurity and the hope that Tadashi will assuage it. The brunette doesn’t leave him in suspense, nodding quickly and hoping that his own answering blush isn’t too painfully obvious. They are still in public, after all. 

“ _ God _ , we’re embarrassing,” he whispers, half laughing. Tsukki nods slightly and slumps against his seat, his right hand sneaking across Tadashi’s lap to lace their fingers together. 

“Yeah, but it’s whatever. They’re decent friends, I guess. And anyway, it’s not like Hinata and Kageyama aren’t banging so we can always hold that over their heads.” 

“Whoa, finally?” 

Tsukki smiles wryly and gives his hand a squeeze. “I wonder if people will say that when they find out about us.” 

“Are we… are we going to tell them? About us?” This conversation is giving Tadashi whiplash, and he’s not sure the bus ride to a volleyball game is exactly the right place to discuss whether or not they’ll be taking their week-long relationship public but he can’t stop himself from asking the fatal question anyway. 

“I mean, I don’t have a whole lot of trust in the Orange Idiot, but yeah we could ourselves if you wanted to. I’m not ashamed. Don’t have to, though. We can always figure it out later.” 

Tadashi nods, both relieved and slightly unsatisfied with that answer. He does need time to think about it, though. They both do. He settles into his seat and gives Tsukki’s hand an answering squeeze. What matters most is that Tsukki loves him, the rest is all just details. It is a nice bonus having such good friends, though. Tadashi will have to make it up to Hinata and pay Yacchan back big time, just as soon as he’s adjusted to this new, wonderful reality. Tsukki smiles at him privately and bumps their shoulders, clearly privy to the sappy turn Tadashi’s thoughts have taken. He smiles and bumps back and knows everything will be okay. 

* * *

The game against Date Tech goes better than expected. True to his word, Tsukki gives Aone more than a run for his money in the blocking department and the terrifying duo that is Hinata and Kageyama clean house in picking up points in the first half. Things get a little close in the second match, but that only gives Tadashi the opportunity to try out his newest jump float serve which he lands a whopping total of five times, giving Karasuno the tidy lead they need to finish the game practically then and there. 

It’s intense, feeling so competent. Tadashi’s been so caught up in his own personal melodrama that he’s almost forgotten just how good it feels to kick ass in the sport he loves. And holy fuck, the  _ look  _ Tsukki gives him after he’s finally rotated out of the game makes Tadashi feel like he could lift a car with one hand. The blonde doesn’t jump him like the rest of the team does, but he plays twice as hard afterwards and that in and of itself has Tadashi weak kneed on the sidelines, counting down the minutes until he can get that gorgeous blonde alone again. 

When the game ends the Karasuno boys are full of energy, arms slung around each other as they make their way to the locker room, Hinata and Noya shouting excited play by plays of everyone’s best moments with plenty of sound effects. Tadashi can’t help but get in on it, dishing out compliments to everyone including Tsukki who barks out his usual “shut up, Yamaguchi” while furiously adjusting his glasses as though that will somehow hide the blush creeping across his cheeks. Tadashi can’t help but laugh. Yacchan meets them in the hallway and pounces on Tadashi, sharing his secret smile as she crows victory with the rest of them, reminding the brunette of just how grateful he is to have her in his life. He squeezes her hand once, a promise to fill her in on everything he’s neglected to tell her about the last week but her wink in return let’s him know that she already knows. 

“Yamaguchi-senpai?” 

The elation of the moment nearly makes Tadashi miss his own name being called out. Hinata, who is walking in front of him, doesn’t miss it though, and the brunette stumbles when the smaller boy stops suddenly. He turns awkwardly, trying to find the source of the voice over the unmoving crowd that has become his teammates. He feels Yacchan squeeze his hand again, this time hard, and the hairs in the back of his neck stand on end as Tsukki’s aura seems to intensify behind him. 

“Senpai, can I speak to you for a minute?” 

Kageyama is the first person to turn around and give Tadashi an unreadable look, his movement making it so that the pinch server can finally see who it is what’s said his name. Kenji-kun is standing in the center of the hallway blocking the team’s path, his gaze fixed nervously on Tadashi, resolutely ignoring the rising hackles of all of the boys separating them. 

“Senpai?” 

“No.” Tsukki’s voice is like steel behind him, making Tadashi flinch. He feels a cool hand grab the back of his jersey, rooting him to the spot but not pulling him back. “Absolutely not,” Tsukki says, low and dangerous. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, Kenji?” Tanaka’s voice rings out from somewhere to Tadashi’s right. He can’t look up to follow it though, his focus instead on his and Yacchan’s laced fingers, the image blurring, trying to ignore the worried look on the small girl’s face. He ducks his head, trying to hide his expression. 

“You better get the fuck out of here before -” it’s Nishinoya speaking this time, sounding uncharacteristically quiet as he spits out the words and something in Tadashi’s chest swells as he realizes just how loved he is by this team. How protected. Tsukki was right, he has nothing to be ashamed about. They know and they accept him. They know and they’re willing to fight for him. He swallows hard, blinking back tears. 

“Noya, enough.” Ennoshita’s voice is pure venom. “Kenji-kun, you need to leave right now and I hope you know that I will be speaking to the coaches about this. It is extremely inappropriate for you to be here and there will be repercussions, I can promise you that.” 

“I just need a minute alone -”

“ _ No -” _

“It’s okay, captain. He can say what he needs to.” Tadashi’s own voice surprises him, making him jolt. The rest of the team all turn to look at him, making his face heat up, and he can feel Tsukki’s grip tighten in the back of his shirt. He scrubs a hand over his eyes roughly, trying to subtly clear his throat as he shakes the blonde off. “Here though,” he says quickly after realizing what he’s just agreed to, “not alone. Whatever you have to say to me you can say in front of my team. Then you have to leave, okay?” He directs those last comments to Kenji directly who flinches but squares his shoulders nonetheless, his eyes darting around from face to face as though hedging his bets. 

“Thanks, senpai. You played well today,” Kenji starts awkwardly, one hand coming up to pull at his hair, the frustrated gesture making it clear that things aren’t going according to his plan. Tadashi swallows hard, suddenly extremely glad that he’s not alone. He’s pretty sure he would not have enjoyed Kenji’s original plan. 

“Thanks. Why are you here?” he asks, trying to keep his voice even but wanting this to be over with already. 

“I just wanted… I thought it’d be good to see you again, say I’m sorry. That - that night at the party, I -” 

“That’s okay, it’s fine, we don’t have to talk about it,” Tadashi interrupts him hurriedly, panic rising in his throat at the prospect of having to listen to Kenji talk about what transpired between them. Maybe he shouldn’t have agreed to this, afterall - 

“That’s fine, but I am sorry. I’d had a lot to drink and - well anyway, I’m sorry. I thought if…” Kenji pauses, his eyes turning to the ceiling before leveling back at Tadashi, something sharp hiding behind his careful expression of contrition. “Volleyball is how I’m planning to get into college, so I thought maybe if you forgave me… I mean - maybe we could still be teammates, or -”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” It’s Kageyama who interrupts him this time, his voice seething with a rage that makes Tadashi shudder, the absolute vitriol in his voice something only the Karasuno setter would be capable of expressing so effortlessly. “You came all this way just to try to guilt trip Yamaguchi into forgiving you because you think if he does we’ll let you back on the team? Are you fucking  _ joking _ ?” 

“Kageyama-senpai, I didn’t mean to -” 

“Get the fuck out of our way. Yamaguchi doesn’t have to forgive you for shit and even if he did there will  _ never _ be a place for you on this team. Not so long as I’m here. Now Get. Lost.” 

“You’re not the captain and no offense but I didn’t come here to listen to your opinion,  _ Kageyama-senpai _ ,” Kenji bites back, his face flushing a mottled red as he shakes with barely concealed rage, the mask of ‘Kenji-kun’ slipping to reveal the true Kenji that Tadashi met for the first time that night of the party. “I came to apologize to Yamaguchi and even if I  _ was  _ hoping to rejoin the team there’s no way I’d need the approval of some subpar setter who can’t control his own fucking emotions -” 

“Don’t talk about Kageyama like that, you piece of shit!” Hinata tries to rush forward and Tadashi feels Yacchan let go of his hand to grab the back of the smaller boy’s jersey and pull him back with all of her strength. 

“Kenji, you need to leave!” the tiny blonde girl yells just as the rest of the team starts to move, Tanaka and Nishinoya rushing forward only to find themselves blocked by Kinoshita and Narita, Ennoshita stepping forward with a hand up, his mouth set in a grim line. 

“Everyone please!” Ennoshita shouts, successfully bringing the whole team to heel. “Kenji,” he starts, rounding on the first year, “the coaches were very clear, you are no longer welcome on this team. I can appreciate your need to apologize to Yamaguchi, but I seriously have to question your choice in timing and location, and frankly your motivation. Confronting Yamaguchi like this is, as I said before, inappropriate, and if you want to communicate with him further I’m gonna have to insist that it’s done through the coaches or school at least. I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

“Yamaguchi-senpai, please, I really had feelings for you -” Kenji says instead of acknowledging Ennoshita, making the captain cross his arms. His stare is piercing as he cranes around the third year boy to make eye contact with the startled pinch server. 

“I -” Tadashi stumbles backwards, hitting the solid wall of Tsukki’s chest, his mind reeling. He doesn’t know how to make this conversation end, doesn’t know what to do to make Kenji leave already, his final confession making Tadashi’s stomach roil with repulsion. “Don’t - no you didn’t, no you  _ didn’t _ -” 

“I did! I was going to ask you out! I did ask you out! I -” 

“Stop, stop, please! - how could you say that after you - after you -” Tadashi’s own voice is too loud in his ears. He feels unstead, like he’s going to puke, his vision blurring. He can barely see how Ennoshita and Nishinoya have each had to grab one of Kenji’s arms, holding him back as Hinata and Kegayama build a barrier between them, the orange haired boy throwing worried glances over his shoulder at Tadashi. 

“I still want to ask you out, senpai! Please -” 

“STOP.” Tsukki’s voice cracks around the hallway like thunder, the echo of his command pushing out all other thoughts in Tadashi’s head, making him deflate and sag against the blonde’s chest. He closes his eyes and sucks in a breath, grateful for the sudden narrowing of his focus. Tsukki. Tsukki’s here. Everything will be okay. Tsukki will take care of it. 

“Tadashi.” The brunette opens his eyes at the quieter command in the way Tsukki says his name, turning slightly to look up into the honeyed eyes of his favorite person. The determination he finds there confuses him only for a moment before Tsukki is ducking down and catching Tadashi’s lips with his own to press a slow kiss against his mouth, successfully short circuiting the brunette’s brain until all he can do is relax into the embrace. When Tsukki finally pulls back Tadashi unconsciously chases after him until he realizes just how quiet the room has gone. He turns around slowly to find everyone’s eyes on them, the tableau of Kenji’s dramatic take down by the rest of his team frozen in time as the unwelcome first year and his various captors all stare at him with open mouths. “He’s mine,” Tsukki’s voice is clear and confident, the warning there not at all undermined by the smugness that accompanies it. “Come near him again and I’ll end you.” 

Tadashi hears Hinata laugh somewhere to his left and suddenly the tension is broken, Nishinoya and Tanaka hustling Kenji out of sight while the rest of the group takes turns jumping all over Tadashi and Tsukki like they’ve just won nationals. Even Tsukki laughs when Hinata jumps on his shoulders and, in an act of mindless competition, Kageyama swings Tadashi up into his arms bridal-style, the two of them yelling nonsense like ‘ _ I told you so!’  _ and ‘ _ I called it first!’ _ at each other as Tadashi flails and Yacchan tries to help him down. 

“H-holy crap, that was way too easy for you,” Tadashi says shakily after the setter finally sets him lightly back on his feet. 

“You and Wearyshima need to eat more,” Kageyama says matter-of-factly with a hard clap on Tadashi’s shoulder, his straight face only serving to heighten the absurdity of the situation. 

“Race to the locker rooms! You’re all on!” Hinata yells over the din of the room, his challenge answered immediately by several voices. Tadashi thinks he sees him wink at Tsukki who rolls his eyes.

“I’ll meet you guys outside, I’m going to go talk to the coaches,” Yacchan yells back in reply, turning to give Tadashi a final grin and wave before jogging in the opposite direction. 

Before he knows it, Tadashi is alone in the hallway with Tsukki. He takes the opportunity to snake his hand into the blonde’s, his cheeks almost hurting with the size of his smile as he looks up into liquid amber, the affection in Tsukki’s eyes enough to make him melt. 

“Well, that went about as well as could be expected,” the brunette jokes, earning himself a gentle shoulder bump. 

“Sorry for not discussing it first. That guy was pissing me off,” Tsukki replies quietly, ducking his head in a silent request for forgiveness. Tadashi bumps him back with a soft laugh. 

“He sucks and that kinda sucked but I’m glad everyone knows now. I’m really happy you did that.” 

“Really?” Tsukki asks, voice unsure as his eyebrows knit together. 

“Yeah,” Tadashi replies, nodding as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth in a mischievous smile. “You’re pretty hot when you’re jealous.” 

Tsukki rolls his eyes at the tease and straightens his glasses as a light blush blooms high on his cheeks. “Shut up, Yamaguchi,” he mumbles, making Tadashi laugh. 

“Make me,” Tadashi taunts, then squeals when Tsukki catches his head with his arm, pulling the shorter boy to his chest to drag him along towards the locker room. 

“Sleepover tonight, my parents are out of town visiting Akiteru. I’m gonna make you regret that.” 

“Promise?” 

Tadashi squeaks when Tsukki drops his wrestler’s hold from around his neck to grab him instead around the waist, pulling him in for a quick, rough kiss before turning and entering the locker room with a wicked smile. “Promise.” 

Tadashi stands there dazed for a minute, unsure of how they even managed to get here, before straightening his back and following the blonde in - for the first time not at all self conscious of just how dopey his answering grin must be. 

* * *

“Go take these to my room, I’ll meet you in there,” Tsukki says, not bothering to wait for Tadashi to reply before he’s disappearing down the hall, leaving the brunette alone to drag both of their volleyball bags into the blonde’s room. He huffs but complies, eventually settling on Tsukki’s bed when the other boy doesn’t immediately return. They both showered after the game but Tadashi’s longer hair is still a bit damp, making him shiver slightly as he lays down on top of the cool comforter, closing his eyes and breathing deeply to catch the subtle scent of Tsukki’s green apple laundry detergent. He turns on his stomach and buries his face in the pillow beneath his head with a sigh. 

“Tired?” Tsukki’s amused voice makes him jump before he remembers that he’s allowed to do stuff like this now. He settles back in without bothering to look up. 

“No, just smells good,” he says, voice muffled by the fabric, and hears the way Tsukki snorts in response. 

“Creep.” 

“Where’ve you been?” he shoots back, finally turning to lay on his back, enjoying the way Tsukki’s face heats up as he stares down at him. 

“Akiteru’s room,” he answers, shifting his weight from foot to foot, the nervous action making Tadashi lift one eyebrow. 

“I thought your parents turned that into a guest room.” 

“Sort of. It’s still all his stuff but just, like, neater.” 

They stare at each other for a moment before Tsukki rolls his eyes and shifts his weight again, his clenched hands catching Tadashi’s eye. 

“What’re you holding?” 

As though he’d been waiting for that question Tsukki readily throws two objects at Tadashi’s chest before turning to perch at the end of the bed facing away from the brunette, the tips of his reddening ears making Tadashi sit up curiously as he scoops up the offered objects to inspect. 

A box of condoms. A bottle of spermicidal lube. 

Tadashi balks, nearly dropping them, his eyes growing wide as he looks up at Tsukki who is still resolutely not meeting his gaze. 

“You stole your brother’s old sex stuff?” The question comes out strangled and high. 

“I didn’t  _ steal  _ them! I bought them! They’re mine!” Tsukki replies hotly, his face in absolute flames. He jumps slightly at his own words, as though startled by his own insistence. 

“And they were in Akiteru’s room why…?” Tadashi asks weakly. 

“It’s… a good hiding place. No one ever goes in there.” 

“Oh my God.” Tadashi shakes with silent laughter, clutching the items to his chest before carefully placing them on the mattress between them. “What were you hoping to do with these?” 

“You,” Tsukki mumbles, his eyes fixed on the condoms and lube. 

“ _ Oh, _ ” Tadashi whispers, suddenly painfully aware of just how hot it is in Tsukki’s room. Was it always this hot? He squirms slightly, rearranging himself so that he’s sitting with the pillow in his lap. 

“Or me, if you wanted to,” Tsukki offers just as quietly before bringing both hands up to his face to hide his expression. 

“Holy fuck you’re going to kill me,” Tadashi all but moans. He lifts a palm to feel his own cheek, finding it to be feverish. “Where did you even buy these? Oh God, please don’t tell me it was at Sakanoshita.” 

“Sh - Shimada Mart.” 

“Oh my Godddd,” Tadashi groans, half laughing. “I don’t even want to know if Shimada-san was the one who rung you up.” 

“Hm,” is all Tsukki says in reply, not giving Tadashi any confidence in what the answer might be. He picks up the bottle of lube, turning it around to look at the ingredients just for something to do. 

“It’s water based, and for sensitive skin. I - I just thought… better to be safe than sorry.” Tsukki is watching him with a serious expression despite the persistent blush that seems to have permanently taken up residence on his face. Tadashi blushes too, both intimidated and excited by the amount of knowledge the blonde seems to have about this kind of thing. “I did a bit of research this week, just in case… I mean, we don’t have to. I’m not trying to pressure you. I know we just started dating, but - I just thought it would be smart to be… prepared.” Tsukki looks about three seconds away from internally combusting so Tadashi offers him a nervous smile. 

“I definitely want to do this with you. I just think… last time was sort of special circumstances and I’m, uh -” he cuts himself off, twisting the pillow in his arms nervously. 

“You’re what?” 

“Afraid you’ll realize just how fucking awkward I am in real life and not want to go through with it?” The confession comes out rushed, the words nearly slurring together as he pushes his face into the pillow, breathing in green apple. 

“Tadashi, I already know how awkward you are. And you know that I’m even more awkward, so we’re even. There’s no way I wouldn’t not want to.” 

“You weren’t awkward last time,” Tadashi says, peeking up at Tsukki through his lashes. The blonde seems to swallow hard. 

“You’re right, last time was different but… Fuck, Tadashi, I want you so bad. And I promised to make you regret making fun of me after the game. I still want to do that, if you’ll let me.” Something cracks in Tsukki’s voice, a wall crumbling to reveal so much raw desire that it takes Tadashi’s breath away and replaces it with newfound confidence. He bites his lip, considering the proposition, but finds himself distracted by the way Tsukki’s throat moves as he swallows nervously for the second time, honeyed eyes trained on the smaller boy’s mouth.  _ Interesting. _

“I really like that you’ve started calling me by my name,” he replies slowly, his voice more sultry than it has any right to be, surprising both of them. “Want me to do the same?” His eyes follow the bob of Tsukki’s adam’s apple when he gulps, letting himself get drunk on this newfound power. “Kei.” He delivers the single syllable with teasing reverence, a silent promise to wreck the word later. “Do you like that, Kei?” 

“Holy fuck,” Tsukki breathes, the condoms and lube clattering to the floor as he scrambles across the distance between them, boxing the smaller boy in against the mattress until he’s once again laying flat on his back, his clothed legs opening to invite the blonde forward, arms coming up to loosely encircle his neck. 

“What if I said I wanted to do you?” he asks coyly, smiling when Tadashi pushes his falling glasses up his nose, the gesture only bringing attention to just how blown his pupils are. 

“I’d be okay with that,” and Tadashi can’t help but grin at the masked excitement in the other boy’s voice. 

“Hm,” Tadashi replies, pretending to think. “Next time, maybe. Me first.” He reaches up to plant a slow kiss on Tsukki’s mouth, his tongue darting out to trace the soft pink swell of his bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth and basking in the soft gasp it elicits from the blonde. He angles himself up, pressing himself against the other boy and whining encouragingly when Tsukki begins to grind down on him, the hardness in his pants unmistakable even through the thick material of his jeans. When they finally pull back they’re both panting. 

“Are - are you sure?” the blonde whispers against Tadashi’s mouth, making him shiver. 

“Yeah,” he purrs back, pressing a hot, open mouthed kiss to the underside of Tsukki’s jaw. “You’re not the only one who did research,” he breathes against the soft skin shyly. “I’ve been… practicing on myself all week. In the shower. Thinking of you,  _ Kei _ .” He ducks his head with a sheepish smile when Tsukki pulls back to stare at him, wide eyed, the blush intense on his porcelain skin.  _ Fuck, he’s beautiful, _ Tadashi thinks. 

“You have?” The question comes out strained and Tadashi can’t help but giggle as he nods, enjoying just how flustered the other boy looks. The blonde takes a moment to process this new information before burying his face in Tadashi’s chest, the two of them dissolving into quiet nervous laughter. Tadashi can feel Tsukki’s rabbiting heartbeat where the taller boy's chest is pressed against his stomach and he knows his own must be going just as fast. He settles his arms around the taller boy’s shoulders, smiling up at the ceiling as he lets himself feel overcome by the moment. 

Suddenly there’s a hand under his shirt, quick fingers sneaking their way up his sides, making him squirm and gasp until he feels teeth lightly scrape at his right nipple. He keens lowly, burying his hands in Tsukki’s short hair to pull him up for a hurried kiss, the blonde rucking Tadashi’s shirt up farther and farther until he has it up over his head and sliding off his arms, the brunette too preoccupied to realize what happening until he feels a hand at the front of his pants. 

“Tsu-kki?” he murmurs questioningly before realizing he has his eyes closed. He opens them to the vision of Tsukki looming over him, amber eyes half lidded and lips shiny with spit. 

“Sorry, Tadashi, I can’t wait any longer.” The hands at his waist become more urgent, yanking down his pants and underwear in one go until they’re tangled around Tadashi’s thighs, forcing him to bend his knees so that the taller boy can pull them the rest of the way off. Cool fingers circle his erection, making the shorter boy tremble. “Is this okay?” 

Tadashi nods quickly, letting out a stifled moan. 

“You - you don’t have to be quiet, it’s just us.” The words come out nearly a growl, Tsukki’s eyes bright with the hope that Tadashi  _ won’t  _ be quiet. The smaller boy can’t help the shiver of appreciation that runs up his spine before pulling the blonde to him again. 

“F - fuck, take your clothes off too,” Tadashi whines after a while, “unfair.” Tsukki complies, shucking off his jeans and t-shirt with record time before lining himself back up against Tadashi’s body, both of them gasping when their hard cocks meet between them, Tadashi rolling his hips experimentally in a way that leaves them both shivering. 

“This - this feels better. I’m not nervous anymore,” the brunette says, leaning up for a kiss. 

“Good. Ready to show me what you’ve been doing in the shower all week?” Tsukki asks in reply, one long arm swinging off the side of the bed to scoop up the fallen bottle of lube. “Only if you want to, though,” he says more quietly, ducking to mouth his way down Tadashi’s neck before pressing the bottle into the other boy’s hand with a questioning look. Tadashi turns the bottle over for a minute, trying to ignore the way he can feel his face heating, before popping the cap. 

“Don’t look, okay?” he says demurely, propping himself up on his elbows before squirting some of the clear contents into his palm. 

“Not a chance. I did enough research to know how this works but I still need to learn what makes you feel good,” Tsukki says, sitting back, his gaze intense as he follows every one of Tadashi’s movements. The smaller boy rolls his eyes and takes a fortifying breath, trying to ignore the eroticism in the contradiction between the blonde’s studious expression and his pink swollen cock still standing at attention between his legs. “Show me, please?” Tsukki’s gentle request pulls Tadashi back to reality and he has to shake himself slightly before reaching between his own legs, the now warmed up lube slipping down to his fingertips as he begins to circle his entrance. The position is different from any of the times he’s done this, but he’s too afraid of losing his confidence to attempt any adjustments now. Plus, this position gives him a full view of Tsukki’s unashamed nakedness and the erratic way his adam’s apple is moving, that sight alone distracting enough to make him almost forget just how on display he is. 

He leans back and closes his eyes once he can finally slide a finger inside, taking a moment to adjust to the feeling before starting to move in the way he knows will help loosen him up. It doesn’t take long before he can add another, scissoring and pressing against the velvet heat of his insides, trying to reach that place he’d only managed to access once before that had made him come instantaneously on the tile wall of his shower. He arches a little, knees bending to spread his legs as he seeks better access, head tipping back as he focuses on the sensation. A sharp intake of breath makes him blink. 

Tsukki is practically crouched over him, his face red and eyes wide as he slowly bows to take the head of Tadashi’s cock into his mouth without breaking eye contact, his expression full of a singular determination that Tadashi’s never seen before. The brunette jerks at the new stimulation, accidentally pushing toward the back of the blonde’s throat before regaining control of his hips with a surprised squeak, forcing himself to settle back down on the bed. Tsukki chokes a little but takes it all in stride, pulling off to lick a strip up the underside before holding up the bottle of lube. 

“Can it be my turn now?” 

Tadashi nods quickly, tongue too thick to say anything coherent, his hand shaky when he removes it from between his legs. Tsukki takes his time coating his fingers in lube, seemingly enjoying the way Tadashi is practically on the verge of shaking apart at the mere implication of what’s about to happen. 

“ _ Tsukki _ ,” he finally pleads, and is rewarded immediately by a finger pushing past his entrance as the heat of Tsukki’s mouth reappears around his cock. He gasps, canting forward. The taller boy makes quick work of him, his longer fingers working their way inside searchingly, touching places Tadashi’s never reached before. It doesn’t take long before Tsukki has him rocking down to the knuckles of three fingers all on his own, the blonde’s mouth at his throat whispering encouragement as the smaller boy splits at the seams, whimpering every time Tsukki caresses that part inside himself that makes him see stars. 

“Fuck, Tadashi, you’re so beautiful. You’re so  _ tight _ , Jesus Christ.” 

“M-more, Ts-Tsukki - Kei please  _ more. _ ” Tadashi can hardly see straight, but he sees the expression Tsukki makes when he hears his name, eyes going wide before shutting tightly, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he picks up the pace, sliding his fingers in and out of Tadashi’s now compliant body at a speed that sends the smaller boy bucking up into the air. Tsukki presses his free hand against his abdomen to keep him in place, the subtly commanding act and added pressure making Tadashi’s eyes roll to the back of his head. 

“I - I’m not sure you’re ready, we need to - fuck - we need to -”

“I’m ready,” Tadashi all but sobs, “I’m ready,  _ please. _ ” 

The sudden loss of Tsukki’s fingers leaves Tadashi feeling strangely empty, but his mind doesn’t have enough time to mourn the change before he’s too distracted by the sight of the tall blonde ripping open a condom wrapper with his teeth and rolling the flesh colored latex down his erection, gripping himself at the base as he works lube down the length and lines up the head with Tadashi’s entrance. “You can tell me to stop at any point,” he says, voice low and strained but his conviction clear. Tadashi feels something in his chest swell with the knowledge of how well he’s being taken care of, how much Tsukki cares about him. He nods quickly. 

“I love you,” the brunette whispers back, hands twisting in the comforter below him as Tsukki slowly starts to push forward, the initial breach almost painful until the tip of the blonde’s cock clears the first ring of muscles, making him instantly relax. “Don’t move. Just a sec. F-fuck,” the smaller boy pants, shifting slightly from side to side as he adjusts to the new size. It takes a minute before he’s able to fully take in the way his partner looks now, but when he does it steals his breath away. Tsukki looks like a wreck. He’s trembling, his face and chest blotchy and red, the hands that he’s planted on either side of Tadashi’s hips shaking from the exertion of keeping himself still. The smaller boy thinks he might be holding his breath. “Tsukki? Are you okay?” 

“Perfect. I’m perfect. Let me know what you need. I want to make you feel good.” The reassuring words are delivered through gritted teeth. 

Tadashi can’t help but smile, impressed even now with his boyfriend’s self restraint.  _ Boyfriend.  _ God, Tadashi’s almost forgotten that that word applies to him now. Applies to them. They’re  _ boyfriends _ . They’re  _ in love _ . He wraps both legs around the blonde’s waist without thinking, pulling him forward in one swift movement and gasping when he feels the other boy sink into him all at once. 

“ _ Holy fuck, Tadashi _ ,” Tsukki squeaks, his body flinching reflexively in a way that makes Tadashi moan. 

“Don’t move, don’t move - !” Tadashi pants, half laughing, trying to beat back the orgasm he can feel threatening to throw him off the brink far too soon. He wants this to last longer than just a few seconds. He just needs a minute to breathe. 

“Are you trying - to fucking - kill me -?” Tsukki replies harshly, his hips snapping minutely against the back of Tadashi’s legs as he tries to get himself under control, his cock only moving in and out by a few centimeters but still it’s enough to have Tadashi teetering on the very edge, the dull sting and overstimulation a far more enjoyable combination than he would have ever anticipated. 

“Shut up, Tsukishima,” Yamaguchi bites out with a grin before gripping the taller boy’s hips with his thighs again and agilely flipping them over with all of the strength he’s acquired after a year and a half of Karasuno volleyball. Somehow he executes the maneuver flawlessly without unseating himself, the blonde’s back bouncing lightly against the mattress as Tadashi wiggles his way back down the full length of his boyfriend’s erection, testing the new position. 

“Holy fuck,” Tsukki says loudly, seemingly too stunned to move at all this time. “Wow.” 

Tadashi smiles, drunk on the image of the boy of his dreams trapped beneath him, slack jawed. He reaches up to tangle his fingers in his own hair, pulling it up into a loose knot with one hand while the other stretches down to scrape blunt fingernails down the taller boy’s sternum as he lifts himself up halfway off Tsukki’s cock before dropping back down with his full weight, eyes fluttering at the rush of being in control. 

“ _ Holy fuck _ .” Tsukki’s broad hands come up to clutch at Tadashi’s shaking thighs, his grip bruising as he begins to move in earnest, meeting Tadashi halfway as the two of them set a rhythm that has the blonde gasping before too long. 

“You like that, Kei? Hm? Tell me, tell me how I feel,” Tadashi pants, his swollen cock bouncing between them as he rocks down harder, starting to lose control. 

“So fucking good - so fucking  _ good _ . Holy fuck, Tadashi, you’re so hot. You’re so fucking tight - I’m gonna - I’m gonna come if you keep going like this, I -  _ fuck _ -”

“Me too, Kei - oh fuck - Kei - Kei _ Kei _ ! - I - I’m so close - so  _ close, I’m gonna - !”  _ Tsukki drives into him at the  _ exact _ right angle three times before Tadashi is officially tumbling into near oblivion. 

When he comes to Tadashi is laying on top of Tsukki, something warm and slippery between their chests. Tsukki’s waning erection is still flexing inside of him, the feeling weakening as the taller boy’s body exhausts itself. He cranes his neck up to nuzzle his face against the side of his boyfriend’s cheek, the aftermath of their combined orgasms a near palpable buzz in the air around them. He chuckles when Tsukki turns to kiss him clumsily, his mouth sliding across his nose before finding his lips. 

“Love you so much,” Tsukki mumbles, his expression that of pure bliss when he smiles down at the brunette who can’t help but grin back. 

“Love you too,” Tadashi replies with a sigh. He’s not sure how long they stay like that but eventually they do seperate, the skin of their stomachs sticking grossly together as they both laugh while pulling apart, Tsukki grumbling the whole time about  _ bodily fluids _ . They decide to shower together, mostly out of necessity because Tadashi’s knees are knocking like those of a baby deer which makes the blonde blush even as he helps hold the smaller boy under the hot spray, using a washcloth to gently wash away the remnants of their shared first time. Once they’ve both been successfully decontaminated to the taller boy’s satisfaction he moves them into the tub, Tadashi electing to sit between Tsukki’s legs with his back against his chest to soak. 

“What now?” Tadashi asks after a while, voice happy but question serious because, really, he does need to know what happens from here. What kind of future awaits two childhood friends who’ve fallen in love? 

Tsukki is tracing patterns into the freckles on Tadashi’s arm like he’s mapping constellations, every now and then murmuring some distantly familiar name of a particular group of stars that exists in real life, the words sounding like a believer’s prayer, as though he’s really holding the physical manifestation of the night sky in his arms.  _ Corvus, Sagitta, Scutum.  _ He only stops for a moment at Tadashi’s question, resuming the gentle touch once he’s hummed in answer “what do you mean?” 

“I mean… I don’t know. People always say your first never lasts.” They both go quiet at that, the words voicing a mutual fear that seems to fizzle and fade as soon as it’s out in the open air. Tadashi breathes a laugh after a minute, leaning back. “I guess that’s dumb.”

“Tadashi… You’re already such an exception in my life, I don’t really expect that to change now. We grew up together, and I’m guessing that’s just what we’ll keep doing - growing up together. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else, but I’m never going to be the thing that gets in the way of your happiness. If things change in the future we’ll deal with it together.” 

“What about… I don’t know, I mean, we’re both guys.” Tadashi lolls his head to the side, hating the fact that societal prejudices have to be a part of this conversation. 

“Well, the team already knows. Akiteru… probably knows. He’s been kind of dropping hints for years, which I didn’t realize til recently, and my parents already love you. I’m sure they’ll be cool with it. And if they’re not… we’ll just deal with it, together.” 

“My parents love you too,” Tadashi says quietly, still thinking. “And what about the rest of the world? What about the future? College, jobs, I dunno.” 

“Fuck the rest. And honestly, Tadashi, I don’t really see myself ever hopping on a boat to go travel the world or whatever, do you?” 

Tadashi shakes his head, smiling at the idea of Tsukki without a home base where he can escape from human contact. 

“And we’re both pretty much guaranteed our pick of Japan’s universities. We’ll choose somewhere close to home so you can see your sister and we’ll play volleyball in some random league maybe and study whatever we want and get cool jobs and save up and travel the world in style, with nice hotels and room service. We’ll take our parents to Paris or something eventually and maybe get a cat and learn how to cook and be home bodies and grow old together. We’ll be together. As long as we’re together, I’m up for anything.” 

Tadashi is crying. He hadn’t realized it, but he is. He wipes a wet hand across his face but it doesn’t really work, the bath water only serving to clump his lashes further together before Tsukki huffs and leans outside the tub for a hand towel to scrub across the smaller boy’s face. He sniffs appreciatively, turning to kiss the blonde despite the tears still rolling in fat drops down his flushed cheeks. “Me too. So long as we’re together I’ll be happy.” 

Tsukki rolls his eyes but let’s himself be kissed, and when Tadashi finally pulls away he doesn’t comment on the telltale watery brightness illuminating those golden eyes that he loves so much.  As long as they’re together, they’ll be okay. They can look forward to the future  _ because  _ they’ll be together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow's epilogue chapter should come out before the end of the day tomorrow bc i'm feeling p confident in my ability to get it done and polished today but if not please look for it wednesday !! thank you sososososo much for reading and for all of your lovely comments !!!! they've been a huge help in inspiring me to actually finish this piece and i cannot thank you enough for all of your kindness <3 Hope you've all enjoyed the ride to this point as much as i did, see you in the final installment :")


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short and sweet epilogue for you all（*´▽`*) please enjoy!

_Four Years Later_

“Have you seen this yet?” Tadashi’s voice rings out through their apartment, announcing the arrival of Kei’s favorite freckled computer science major. The blonde looks up from where he’s reading a biology textbook on the couch, smiling when he registers the other man’s excitement but raising a haughty eyebrow anyway, knowing the effect has already been ruined. “See what?”

Tadashi frisbees an envelope at Kei’s chest, the action making the various chains and straps he has hanging off his all black outfit jangle familiarly, a style he once tried to explain to Kei as ‘ _academic retro punk’._ Kei doesn’t really get it but he can appreciate all the new handholds and the silver streaks in the underside of the brunette’s hair and he _really_ likes the painted nails so it all works out. He gives his boyfriend an appraising look, catching the way Tadashi blinks at him before lowering his lashes flirtily. Fuck, okay, yeah, he’s really hot. 

“Stop undressing me and open the card. It’s Suga and Daichi’s wedding invitation!” 

“Oh, finally?” Kei responds, turning the envelope over with mild interest before pulling out the card. It’s tasteful, more tasteful than anything he could ever come up with, but it’s not like he’d expect anything less from Suga. 

“Winter wedding, should be beautiful,” Tadashi says, sitting heavily next to Kei to look over his shoulder. He’s already stripped out of all of his complicated layers, leaving him in a thin black t-shirt and a pair of baby blue boxers that Kei has been looking for all week. They’re his most comfortable pair. He tisks. 

“Why do you sound surprised? Aren’t you and Yachi and the Orange Idiot in that wedding prep group chat with Suga? Aren’t you going to be one of his groomsmen?”

“Yeah but it’s real now!” Tadashi laughs, swinging his legs up to lay them across the taller man’s lap. Kei pretends to be annoyed but pulls him a little closer anyway, rubbing small circles into the sinewy muscle of the brunette’s calves as the two continue talking. 

“Are your parents still coming to visit this weekend?”

“Nah. As predicted, they’re ditching us to go to my cousin’s baby shower.” 

Kei hums noncommittally, running a finger around the circumference of one of the knobby knees beneath his hands, unconsciously outlining the familiar shapes made by freckles he’s memorized years ago. “Good,” he says finally, “let’s do something instead.” 

“Something anniversary-ish?” Tadashi replies innocently, biting back a cheeky smile when Kei gives him a look from the corner of his eye. “Alright, alright. I’ll just pretend like you haven’t totally been up to something lately.” 

“Are you done with classes?” Kei asks, changing the subject. 

“Mhm, my night lecture got cancelled ‘cause the prof’s kid is sick.” Tadashi pulls his legs up to his chest, changing positions so that he can wiggle his way under Kei’s arm, forcing the blonde down further into the couch until he’s practically on top of him, the smaller man curling against his front and nuzzling needily at his face. Kei kisses the top of his head, petting Tadashi’s hair until he settles down, their bodies fitting perfectly together. 

“Yacchan and Shimizu want to have lunch again next week. I said I’d get back to them before Sunday,” the brunette mutters sleepily into Kei’s chest. 

“Those two have gotten annoying ever since they started dating.” 

“It’s been a year, Tsukki,” Tadashi says with a chuckle. 

“Still. They’re way too happy.” 

“So are we.”

The blonde tisks again but can’t argue. He already knows what a lot of their friends think about his and Tadashi’s long standing relationship and can’t help but be utterly smug about it. They can all go suck a dick for all he cares because the super hot, super smart, super funny Yamaguchi Tadashi is his and his alone, and soon it’ll be official. Forever. He hooks a finger beneath his boyfriend’s chin to angle his face up for a kiss that the shorter man returns enthusiastically. 

“What do you want for dinner tonight?” Kei whispers when they break apart, the image of Tadashi’s famous orange chicken swimming to the forefront of his mind. 

“You, maybe?” Tadashi replies with exaggerated faux innocence, making the blonde bark a laugh. 

“Fine, but afterwards you’re cooking. I’m sick of my own food.” 

“You’ve gotten pretty good, Tsukki!” 

“Pretty good,” Kei mimics with an eye roll, pulling the smaller man up into his lap to bow his head and bury it in the crook of his neck. 

“Hmm, I’ll cook, but first _this_ ,” Tadashi says, humming his approval. “Here? Or the floor?” He asks coyly, smoothing his hands across Kei’s shoulders, making him groan. 

“Bed. My back hurts from practice,” Kei replies, digging his hands under the brunette’s legs and standing in one fluid motion with the smaller man cradled his arms as though he weighs nothing at all. Tadashi laughs, obviously amused at the contradiction between the blonde’s complaints and his show of effortless strength. 

“Okay, old man, take me to bed. I’ll take real good care of you, I promise.” 

* * *

Kei is nervous. He didn’t think he would be but he is, a cloud of self doubt weighing on his mind as he fidgets in place on the bench he’s been sitting on for the last twenty minutes. _Are they too young? Is it too soon? Is he good enough? Can he do this?_

“You still with me, Saltyshima?” Hinata’s voice blares too loud from the phone Kei has jammed between his ear and shoulder as he searches his pockets for the tenth time that hour, ensuring that the small velvet box is still exactly where he left it. “Stop panicking, you’ve got this! Bakayama is here too, he says good luck. No sto- Tobio - hey!” 

“I don’t say good luck,” Kageyama’s voice is suddenly too close for comfort, though he can still hear Hinata’s colorful protests in the background. “You don’t need it. Just don’t be a jerk about it and he’ll say yes. You’re always a jerk when you’re nervous.” 

“Thanks, _Tobio,_ ” Kei bites back before sagging against the bench, letting out a long breath. 

“You’re going to be fine.” Kageyama’s signature definitiveness for the first time more reassuring than it is annoying. 

“Thanks,” Kei says again, willing himself to believe the surly pro setter. 

“I’m giving you back to Hinata now.”

“Okay.” 

“Sorry! He’s still mad because I accidentally kicked him out of the bed this morning. Stupid Bakayama! It’s your fault for stealing the covers! But anyway, he’s right, Tsukishima. You’ve got nothing to worry about. You guys are so embarrassingly in love it’s stupid. There’s no way Yamaguchi won’t say yes.” 

“I know, it’s just…” 

“Yeah I get it. Deep breaths, and remember! When he does say yes you better ask me to be your best man!” 

“I have a brother.” 

“Best man number two!” 

Kei smiles despite himself, his anxiety eased a bit by the dynamic duo’s sheer stupidity. He sighs, patting his pocket again. 

“Gotta go, he should be here soon,” he says finally, not really wanting to be alone but knowing that he needs to hang up soon if he’s going to go through with this. 

“Good luck, Saltyshima. You’ve got this. Seriously. Text me later, ‘kay?” 

“Okay.” With that he ends the call, his legs bouncing nervously as he stows away his phone and replaces it with the box, flipping the lid open carefully to examine it’s contents. A simple gold band sits inside, it’s inscription of _Yours Forever_ hidden from view but branded into the mind’s eye of the nervous blonde, its promise something he knows will always be true, whether this ring ever sees any use or not. He closes the box with an audible crack, forcing himself to put it away. 

“Tsukki!” Tadashi’s voice is sweet and slightly breathless as he approaches at a jog, one hand raised and waving excitedly. _God, he’s adorable_ , Kei can’t help but think. “Hi, sorry, I’m ready for our date! Am I late? Someone actually came to office hours, I seriously thought I was becoming the least popular TA on campus.” 

“You’re not late, I got here early,” Kei reassures him, standing to greet the shorter man. He leans down for a kiss when the brunette reaches up before sitting back down on the bench and gesturing to the space next to him. Tadashi sits too with a happy sigh, lacing their fingers together as he does. 

“What’ve you got planned for us?” Tadashi asks with a playful smile, leaning into Kei’s hand when he reaches up to tuck a piece of silver hair behind his ear. 

“This is where we had our first date after moving into the dorms together,” Kei says in answer, leaning back to survey the quiet lake and surrounding park that had been the backdrop to one of Kei’s most precious memories, the day when their future together had finally started to feel tangibly real and possible outside of the adolescent existence that had been high school. 

“I remember,” Tadashi says with a grin. “This is also where we came when your dad offhandedly made that comment about us getting married someday at that dinner we had. You ran all the way here from the restaurant in the pitch black just to yell at some sleeping geese.” 

“I was happy,” Kei says, inclining his head to hide the light blush he can feel creeping across his face. He had been. He’d been so sublimely happy to hear such incredibly accepting words from his father who’d been so tight lipped about their relationship for so many years that he’d made a break for it as soon as they’d said goodbye to his parents, fleeing to the first place his brain had thought of where he could let loose the euphoric feeling that had threatened to swallow him whole. Tadashi had chased after him and joined in on his catharsis before helping hold him together as the blonde shook apart with broken but happy sobs. 

“I’d like to make one more memory here, if that’s okay. Then we can go get a late lunch or do whatever you want, I don’t really have anything planned,” he says finally, letting the past fall away as he reaches for his pocket, reaching for the future. 

“Another memory?” but Tadashi’s question becomes a gasp when he realizes what’s happening. Kei slides off the bench and onto one knee in front of the brunette, the box open in his hands as he presents himself, body and soul, to the man before him. 

“Doesn’t have to be now, I know we’re young, we can graduate first, but… Sorry, Tadashi, but I can’t wait any longer. I love you so much and I have to ask you, I mean, I need to know… will you marry me?” 

Tadashi is crying, both hands over his mouth to stifle himself as he stares furiously at the blonde before springing up and shoving his hands into the innermost pocket of his jacket, procuring a small object that Kei can’t make out. His knee is starting to hurt and Tadashi’s lack of a coherent answer is beginning to make him nervous. 

“I’ve had this - _hic_ \- for months, I didn’t know w-when to ask,” Tadashi wails, shoving a small leather box into Kei’s chest, nearly toppling him over. Tadashi opens it to find a gold ring similar to the one he’s still holding nestled at the center, the style a little thinner but still the same simple and understated design he’d decided was best when he’d picked out his ring for Tadashi. A drop of something warm and wet splashed onto the shiny band and he realizes he’s crying too. 

“Is this a yes?” he asks feebly, voice wavering as he looks up in disbelief. Tadashi drops to his knees next to Kei, pulling the blonde in for a desperate kiss. 

“Yes! Yes, of course, yes. A thousand times, yes!” Tadashi laughs wetly, kissing him again and again. Kei laughs too, watching with wide eyes as Tadashi shakingly places Kei’s ring on his own hand before pulling out the one he’d been hiding and slipping it securely onto Kei’s finger. They stay like that for a minute, both crouched in the grass admiring their left hands, marveling at the shared promise they’ve just made. 

Eventually they stand and settle themselves back on the bench, their hands clasped and heads together as they laugh quietly, the moment exactly what it was always meant to be. 

“I’m glad this is enough, Hinata wanted me to make a big thing out of it. He wanted to be here, of course. I think if I’d left it up to him he would’ve invited all of Japan.” 

Tadashi laughs, leaning up to kiss Kei’s cheek. “This was perfect,” he assures, “I’m so happy. I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” Kei says with a grin, “so much.” 

They never manage to make any further plans for the day, electing instead to enjoy the autumn weather right there by the lake, exchanging memories and stories and laughing at each other's jokes, delighting in the simple joy of being in each other’s company until the late hours of the evening when their empty stomachs finally beckon them back home. 

* * *

Suga and Daichi’s wedding is, simply put, a thing of beauty. Kei finds himself looking down at his and Tadashi’s engagement rings several times during the ceremony, wondering if between them they’ll be able to pull off something like this when the time comes. Eventually he decides that they’ll just have to find their own way of doing the whole wedding thing, one that’s far smaller and simpler and that hopefully excludes Bokuto and Kuroo. 

“You ever think it’s weird that all our friends from high school grew up and started dating each other?” Nishinoya asks during the reception, the question posed somewhat ironically from where the tiny man is sitting perched in Asahi’s lap, causing his partner to go bright red and clutch at a very full glass of white wine that he and Nishinoya seem to be sharing. They haven’t officially told anyone they’re together yet, but if they think they’re fooling anyone into thinking otherwise they’ve made a severe miscalculation. Kei laughs, and once he starts he can’t stop, eventually having to bury his face in Tadashi’s shaking shoulder to keep himself from being too loud. Not that it would matter much, the absurdity of their friend group’s outcome obviously not lost on the rest of the table which dissolves into similarly uncontrollable laughter at the former libero’s observation. 

“Oi! What’s so funny over here?” Kei tries to shrink into his chair as Kuroo approaches, the loud idiot dragging Kenma behind him, the two of them closely followed by Akaashi and Bokuto who have linked arms to sate Bokuto’s constant need to be touching his poor husband. Kei can’t imagine how Akaashi puts up with him. 

“Stop it,” he whispers at Tadashi when the brunette starts to wave the group over, grimacing when his fiancé gives him a shit eating grin. 

“Kuroo-san! Bokuto-san! Tsukki’s over here!” 

Hey, hey, hey! We heard the good news! Let’s see the ring, Tsukishima!” 

Tadashi holds his hand out obligingly while Kei crosses his arms to hide his. 

“Congratulations, Yamaguchi-san,” Akaashi says politely, his eyes genuinely warm when he smiles at the two of them. 

“Congrats,” Kenma offers too before pulling a Nintendo switch out of his suit pocket and flashing the screen at Tadashi. “Have you played this yet?” Kei rolls his eyes. He’s forgotten these two have become video game buddies through Hinata in recent months. Soon, the pair of them are being pulled out onto the dance floor by the aforementioned Orange Idiot and Suga, Akaashi and Daichi following good humoredly. 

Kuroo and Bokuto slide into the empty seats on either side of Kei as soon as their wranglers leave, their predatory grins nearly identical as they wrestle for his hand, trying to see the ring. 

“Think you’ll be able to hack it, Tsukishima? Married life ain’t no joke. Just look at Bokuto,” Kuroo says, jerking his head at the man to Kei’s left who gives him a moronic smile and exaggerated thumbs up. 

“Married life is the best!” 

“My better half is in a league of his own. I’ll be just fine,” Tsukki replies coolly, swiveling in his chair to peek behind them at the dance floor where his fiancé is being spun in circles expertly by one of Daichi’s little sisters. 

“Man, you’ve got it bad,” Bokuto’s voice is teasing but affectionate, his smile knowing when Kei turns back around, trying not to blush. “But I guess we already knew that, huh?”

“You guys are definitely in the top three of most annoying couples I know,” Kuroo agrees, making Kei raise a brow. 

“Who else?” he can’t help but ask. 

“This guy,” Kuroo nods at Bokuto, “and Chibi-chan and his attack dog.” 

“Ugh, don’t lump us in with them.” 

Just then the music changes and he feels a familiar hand land on his shoulder, gratefulness immediately flooding his system because he knows what’s coming next. _Don’t worry, Tsukki, I’ll save you._

“Tsukki, slow song! Dance with me, please?”

Kei nods, giving his silent farewell to his two annoying tablemates before standing and letting himself be whisked across the dance floor, pulling Tadashi to him when they’re finally far enough away. They sway in lazy circles to the swell of the music, Tadashi laying his head against Kei’s shoulder as he whispers “someday that’ll be us.” Kei looks up to where Suga and Daichi are dancing together at the center of the floor, the two of them so obviously in their own little world that it makes Kei smile. He tightens his grip around his fiancé’s waist, drawing him in closer. 

“Someday soon,” he whispers back, and he means it. They’re young, he knows that, but he also knows there’d be no point in delaying the inevitable. Not when this is the trajectory his life has always been taking. Not when Tadashi already owns his whole heart. 

“I can’t wait to marry you,” Tadashi says, smiling up at him.

He pulls the smaller man’s left hand from around his shoulder and brings the gold band on his finger to his lips. 

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

Bokuto once spoke of a moment when Kei would _know_ that volleyball would always be a part of his life. The concept of that instant clarity, of being hooked, embracing destiny - it had been foreign to the young blonde at the time, but… it probably shouldn’t have been. Kei thinks he might’ve experienced something similar, stronger even, twelve years ago when he first met Tadashi. He thinks he’s always known, deep down, that everything has always been leading to this. He also knows that this is just the beginning, that there’s so much more in store for them, and that he can’t wait to see where their life goes. 

Because he knows that, no matter what, they’ll be together. 

Because life is exciting with Tadashi around. 

_The_ _End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg its over ༼ಢ_ಢ༽  
> i have had so much fun writing this and seeing people enjoy it and i want to thank each and every one of you who stuck with this story til the end. Truthfully, i lost my father to covid a few months ago and started writing this fic as a way to occupy my brain and help myself feel productive even when i couldn't get out of bed but the fact that it's come this far and is actually finished and is actually something i think i did a decent job on makes me feel really proud and im glad you all seem to like it too. i hope people will continue to find this fic and share it with their fellow tsukkiyama shippers and just overall i hope my characterization of these sweet boys and their relationship can bring a little happiness to your lives in the same way it did mine :""")  
> I'm planning to continue writing, not only for this pairing but other haikyuu ships as well as branching out into other fandoms like bnha and HxH - I've already started a leorio/kurapika fic if that's your thing so look out for that in the future.  
> thank you again so much for reading, i love u all and hope you had fun!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I made a Twitter, come follow me let’s be mutuals lmao @Sabell666


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